FaultyPowers

...that moment when your relief that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet turns to despair that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet.

...that moment when your relief that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet turns to despair that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet.

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

...that moment when your relief that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet turns to despair that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet.

...that moment when your relief that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet turns to despair that none of your schools are showing up in the results section yet.

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

If I may interject an anecdote from my academia.edu...
 
I have a paper up there about the Maya ballgame that features the phrase "masked man" in the title (Oh no! My anonymity!) and one day I got a notification that someone had found it. Do they still give you the keywords that people use to find your paper? Well if they don't, they used to, and this notification told me that "Someone from the USA found your paper with they keywords 'masked man pounds balls'!"
 
....but what always gets me the most about that story is that not only did someone pull up my paper in a search for "masked man pounds balls", they actually CLICKED on it!! Like, well I was gonnna go look at some porn...but the Maya though...

It's super fun and practical IF you're getting in. 
 
If.
 
.....if.

A thousand times this. 
 
I'm even worse though. I'm on craigslist, and zillow, and trulia, looking at houses and rentals and floorplans and street views and thinking Oh! This place will be perfect! Look, the cats with love the view! Ooo and look, here's the cafe we can go to on the weekends! And OO! LOOK!
 
Surely none of this can lead to disappointment and/or heartbreak!

A thousand times this. 
 
I'm even worse though. I'm on craigslist, and zillow, and trulia, looking at houses and rentals and floorplans and street views and thinking Oh! This place will be perfect! Look, the cats with love the view! Ooo and look, here's the cafe we can go to on the weekends! And OO! LOOK!
 
Surely none of this can lead to disappointment and/or heartbreak!

I'm way too excited that my academia page just got visited by a potential POI.

I'm sleeping pretty well...until I wake up because I remember all the awesome academic shit I've done that somehow never made it onto any CVs or statements and managed to completely slip my mind until right just now. 

"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and I'm very pleased that you told me."

Best. Advice. Ever.

"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and I'm very pleased that you told me."

Best. Advice. Ever.

"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and I'm very pleased that you told me."

Best. Advice. Ever.

"That sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and I'm very pleased that you told me."

Best. Advice. Ever.

.....that moment when you see that your academia.edu page has been looked at from one of the cities you've applied to.

.....that moment when you see that your academia.edu page has been looked at from one of the cities you've applied to.

Hi Letter Writer!
 
I just thought I'd send you a quick text to let you know that your letter is due on Tuesday! I don't know if you've gotten my three previous emails about it, since you've never responded to any of them! I do know that you haven't turned your letter in yet though, because I've gotten emails from the school telling me they've gotten everybody else's but not yours! How you uh, how you comin' on that letter you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little letter you're working on there? Your big letter you've been working on for 2 months? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling recommendation of me as a prospective doctoral student? Yeah? Gotta description of some obstacles I've overcome? Huh? Gotta recommendation brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 2 months ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your recommendee is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off. 

Hello all!
 
I thought I would inject an element of humor into this awful process and start a thread about the logistical/technological blunders we encounter while applying to these programs. Other than being a place to vent, it could also end up being helpful to people who encounter the same issues. I'm pretty sure Ohio State is the earliest deadline (for fellowship consideration), so I'll just share what I've experienced. Good luck out there!
 
The Ohio State Blunders:
 
1. Scans of official transcripts must be uploaded!
          No problem! I'm well prepared, so I've already made PDF files of these guys. Except that they want scans of the front AND BACK of each page. And of course I don't have those, or the originals anymore, so it becomes a two-day errand of going to my old schools and buying a whole new set of transcripts.
 
2. List previous schools and upload transcripts!
          Ok, front and back pages scanned, transcripts uploaded....application won't save. Fine, I don't need you to save, I'll just submit...application won't submit. Error messages that reveal nothing about the actual source of error. Through a two hour process of trial and error I finally figure out that if you went to the same school for your MA and your BA, and you list them separately, you break The Ohio State. So you have to list your start date for undergrad and your end date for grad school, making it look like you've been in the same school continuously for the past decade or so. Not a good look, but that's cool, at least the application saves now.
 
3. Upload your statement of purpose!
          Don't look for the "Upload statement of purpose" button though, because you won't find it. What you'll find is a request for your "autobiography", that should be three pages long. What you'll need to keep in mind, however, is that buried deep within the Anthropology pages is zero mention of an autobiography, but a requirement that you upload a statement of purpose that is two pages long, max. You will default to the anthropology request, and take your chances. 
          So you upload your statement and then decide you want to make a few last minute changes, now that you've figured out that whole transcript debacle. Well good f&c%i#@ luck, because when you click on the trashcan icon to delete it, nothing will happen. You will click it again and nothing will happen. You will exclaim, violently, and then decide that you know what?, it's fine. I don't need to make any changes after all, it's fine. So you'll hit submit. Error message! You must attach an autobiography!
          A cold sense of dread will spread throughout your body. But....it's there! You will say, as you point to name of the attached file that you tried, unsuccessfully to delete. So you click on the icon of the paper with the glasses superimposed over it to take a look. File missing or deleted! It will tell you. Your statement will now be Schrodinger's SOP, as it both has and has not been deleted. There's nothing there, and yet because "something is there", you can't upload anything new.
          You will walk away for a little while, hoping that it's a temporary problem. You will come back to exactly the same problem. You will continue trying for an hour until you remember The IT Crowd, and metaphorically, "turn it off and turn it on again".
 
4. Create new user log in and do the whole damn application again!
          Drop one letter from your previous username, triple check every document before uploading, acknowledge that you have spent the past four and a half hours essentially doing two tasks, hit submit and then just WALK AWAY.