Katia_chan

So, the start of my first semester of my PHD program is looming. Schedules are made, orientations are done, and courses are assigned, and I... Feel like a complete and bloody mess. For real, I feel like even the new teachers have their shit more together than I do (even with 2 years of teaching experience), everybody is spouting Latin or Old English at each other, and they have awesome lesson plans, and speak with knowing pride about being able to work for hours and hours, having more trouble *stopping* working than starting. And I don't think this is idle boasting. I know it's common to feel like you don't belong in grad school, but every passing day makes me more and more certain that most people who think that are just self-deprecating geniuses, and I am here only because I can BS my way along. Only I feel like I'm about to stand up and the BS isn't going to protect me anymore. I guess I'm just curious if anyone else is having the same anxieties...because misery loves company and I kinda just want to pack up my shit and go hide somewhere. Or at least throw up. (First non-appointment-packed few days ahead, so I'm sitting around with just my brain and my cats for company. And when it's 100 degrees I don't feel like doing any solo exploring on the bus for distraction).

Considering that your classes are mostly review, and that you are the TA for the mythology class, I think you should be alright. Auditing is definitely not a bad idea though--that way if you do feel overwhelmed and need to slack off on something, you have a built-in option. I think I'm switching to auditing one of my non-required courses. I was originally signed up for 3, with a section of comp, and 10 hours a week in the computer lab. Then they took my computer job away and gave me another section of comp...so taking 3 courses suddenly got a lot scarier. All the other students I've talked to in the program seemed to think that 3 courses and 2 sections might be a bit much. But again, they are fresh new classes, and I don't want to die during paper time. But I suspect you will do great! Best of luck!

U Missouri in Columbia does a fair amount of stuff with folklore, or so says a friend of mine who is doing her PHD there. They're definitely worth checking out. Also I *believe* William Maxwell and Anca Parvulescu at WashU do a lot of work on pop/modern culture.

Oh God, creeping in late on this thread and feeling *totally* inept in the language department. You are all amazing! *quietly sneaks off to re-open Latin books in shame* Also I am the SLU person Arthurian mentioned a few weeks ago. We haven't technically started, but as the semester progresses I would be more than happy to give anyone information about the program. It seems really great so far, and all the students seem really happy. I'm also not used to being a Medievalist amongst other Medievalists, so the fact that there are, like, 6-7 of us is kind of blowing my mind. Also: moving sucks. Just thought I would put that out there. (Also AC one of the Medieval PHDs here got one of his degrees at UNM. It's a small world...)

Someone I knew did their undergrad there, and is still totally in love with the school. Their book history program is great, and early Brit, and and and... Basically all your classes will make me drool. You will have to let me pick your brain. And yeah, I ended up at SLU. I'm not positive about the conference thing, but it sort of rings a bell. And I know they let their grad students set up conferences too, which could be awesome.

Congratulations!!!!!! I disappear from GC for a month and come back to see this awesome news. I'm so happy for you! We were almost classmates, too, which would have been awesome (I just couldn't do Texas because I'm a wimp), but I hope to see you at conferences. Congrats again!!! You've earned this, and you're going to have such a great time there; the school looks amazing.

I had a professor who used to ride my bus almost every day. It was faster than trying to find a parking spot, and only awkward because I really didn't like him and he would usually talk to me. Also I'd only want to avoid having students know where I live in certain undergrad situations. Not that undergrads aren't adults, but I'd hate to have some freshman come egg my house because he didn't like his grade. But grad students wouldn't bother me at all (hypothetical professor-me that is).

Just got done apartment hunting in STL. That was one of the more hellish experiences of my life... No one in that city answers their phones, seriously. That rant aside, think I found a great place. And it's within walking distance of tea. Everything else will work itself out from there as far as I'm concerned. Now just need to fill the second bedroom.

I have a Nison thermos, and it is the greatest thing ever. Not great to drink out of, but it comes with an "extra" cover (just something that screws right on top and helps prevent leakage), and that acts as a cup. Not so good for using during class because you feel kinda like a twat pouring your liquid into a cup, but excellent for a long day. As an added bonus, and the main reason I own this, it will literally keep hot liquids hot for like 10 hours. I am an intense tea-drinker, and if I put tea in this sucker in the morning, I still have to give it a minute after pouring before I can drink it... at the end of my day. I've made tea the night before and had it piping hot in the mornings. It's magical. If it's mostly empty, you might only get 6-7 hours of heat. Also, it seals...so well. I forgot about it in a bag and left a tea bag in there for... like a month. It didn't fall apart or mold. It was insane. I suspect voodoo is involved.

On teaching: Something I have learned (am still learning), is that you do not always have to justify yourself to your students. If you are doing an activity, and you know why you are doing it, and you have made it clear in some way what the point of the activity is, if they challenge you on it it is sometimes alright just to say "because I said so." I used a novel in one of my freshman comp classes, and I got a lot of (inappropriate) grumbling from a student. We were supposed to be having conferences, and I expressed some anxiety about making the student understand/accept my reasoning for the novel. Then a friend reminded me that "you are the teacher. What he thinks does not matter." Maybe this is just a problem for push-overs like me, but it's something I'm still working on. But realizing that you do, in reality, have authority, makes things easier.

Could you get a letter from the director you talked to, just stating that this person has been out of line? That way, if they try to make trouble with your upcoming school, you have someone else's word to back you up. Even if you never have to send it, might be good to have a third party's commentary on his treatment available in case you have to use it. He never has to know you have this.

The GRE can matter, but a bad score on quant won't necessarily sink you. I nearly failed the quant completely (13th percentile yeah baby), and still ended up in a program with a very generous assistantship. So study for it, but don't stress about it. It's not *that* important, and if there is a part of your application to have an anxiety attack over, it is not that one. As for programs, you have a good list going. I can throw out a personal shout-out for St. Louis University as a place with a very nicely funded MA, which focusses on teaching experience, and gives a great deal of focus to comp. Come fall, I will be able to give you a better opinion on the program. I don't know if that is too far out of your location preferences, but since I knew about their funding I thought I'd mention it. You sound like you're off to a wonderful start though; best of luck!

Welcome. We're always thrilled to have another on board. I'm the same way--I plan to go with my program from now on. Right now I'm stalking it on twitter, but it's just not the same. But I don't know anyone there, except maybe some GC people. So it's wistful watching until I can attended with an accompanying hoard. What program will you be attending?

Kzoo stuff is filling my twitter feed and I am really bumming about the fact that I'm not there, even more than I expected. I haven't properly nerded out in so long... I was hoping to do it this year, but it didn't work out. But next year--it's happening. I hope some of you are there, and having a marvelous time. (...pretty sure this is the only place I can go mope about being absent from a conference where I won't get a bunch of raised eyebrows).

Good luck! It will be so nice to have that out of the way.