kingslayer

I still remember the feeling. The feeling of how I felt when I was accepted into grad school. The feeling of traveling across the country to go to grad school. How scared I felt leaving everything I’ve ever known behind, how excited I was for everything that was ahead. The feeling that my life was going to start over again. I don’t know how to express it. And then I got here, and I was no longer the straight A student I was in undergrad. I remember thinking that I’d get a 4.0 again, and now I’m barely clinging onto a 3.5. I’m probably going to be below a 3.5 in this semester and I’ll get kicked out and I’m so scared because I don’t know what I will do if I’m kicked out. I do the readings, and I’m still sitting in class, frozen, panicking. I’m constantly on 100 and I can’t do anything except panic. It’s not even like it’s warranted; I turned in a draft of paper and I got a B+, which is an OK grade since it’s hard to get A’s in that class, and then I ruined it because I was so afraid to send in another draft of the paper in a reasonable amount of time. My professor hates me and I'm petrified whenever I walk into class. I feel so sad and so scared all of the time. I just feel so incompetent when compared to everyone else. I expected to be some sort of savant, but now I try my best and it isn’t enough. I’m not good at school, I’m not good at work, I’m not good at anything and I spend most of my time outside of school crying. I’m so hard on myself and I don’t know why. I have so many things to do but it’s so therapeutic to type this. I can’t talk to my cohort members because they have everything together and I’m just over here wishing I were dead. I’m so behind in everything and it’s all just added up. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I love what I’m doing but I think about myself compared to my classmates and my professors and I feel like such an incompetent failure. I’m going to start counseling but I think it may be too late and that I’ll be kicked out and it is all I can think about whenever I do anything because I have no idea what I’ll do. I keep feeling so negative all of the time. Like I don’t want to get kicked out, I don’t want to leave, I know I’m improving and I know this is literally the first time I’ve counseled ANYONE or have done anything like this. But I’m not good at it. I’m trying but I’m not good at it. It’s probably a self-fulfilling prophecy but I don’t want to get my hopes up and then get kicked out. I don’t know what to do. In other news, I think I have a major depressive disorder, mild, with anxious features. So there’s that.

Haven't even started grad school yet and I'm already in panic mode. My friend didn't go to college at all, yet she's making more money than I am. She currently the top salesperson at her branch and I'm so happy for her but it also makes me super self conscious about my life and my accomplishments. She's about to move into an actual house with her boyfriend, is happy, will probably end up as a manager and above. I'm just here broke, in massive amounts of debt, boyfriendless, and unsure about what I'm good at. I don't even know if I'll be good at my future job OR if I'll get a job when/if I graduate. Uncertainties are so scary argh

Both has its pros and cons. Both are third LMU would be probably be better in terms of location (45 minutes to an from college in LA traffic is a bitch, not even counting gas prices and repairs). being far away (unless you're used to it) could be really annoying in itself--like you'll probably be at school Monday through Thursday from 6-9, and then eventually you'll have practicum. You would also get the MA at LMU. If you did go there, you would have loan forgiveness after 10 years of consistent payments. LMU's education program is also #62 in the country. I think the only thing I wouldn't like about the program is the whole money aspect. If the program is anything like ones I have applied to, you'll basically have no chance to work and so everything will be based on loans you have taken out.

Do long beach, even if you are Cathoic. It's very very expensive. LB offers the EdS as well which is what matters.

I'm facepalming so hard right now. I was going to interview with a program in the midwest, but I didn't because it was so late into the process and I already have offers from so many other colleges. Got an email from admin asking me and one other girl to a phone interview. This poor girl thought she interviewed with me, and so she sent me an email like "Dear Dr. Kingslayer, Thank you so much for the phone interview" ect ect. I'm not a faculty member--I'm not listed on the website. Her thank you letter was really good---so good that I googled it and she literally copy and pasted it from a website (changing things like "public health" to "school psychology"). I just can't right now--i want to hug her and say "you're applying to graduate school, don't plagiarize something as simple as a thank you letter." She didn't even bother to change the fonts so that it would be matching. The "Dear Dr. Kingslayer," part was in times new roman 12 and the copy/pasted letter was in tahoma or something. I can't

I'm hoping that a stipend posted for one of my 2 top choices is wrong. It's only $4k per year =[ I have one school offering me $11k, the other is $20k, I forgot the other two. But I don't know how I'd be able to even live on $333 per month. It doesn't even cover a room, let alone everything else. I need to have all my options open even though all the schools I was accepted to are so good. #firstworldproblems

Thank you both! The program basically told me that they gave out invitations, but someone may drop out. Instead of a formal interview via Skype, a faculty member is going to have a "talk" with me via phone. She kept making that distinction very clear. I'm ok either way. I'm still in my top choice!

Thank you! It's actually for a masters/education specialist degree. Funding has become super important for me, and I would rather not waste my time or their time if they won't offer me funding. I think I may interview though, if they ask me. Thank you so much! True. If I end up not doing the interview I've decided it's probably not the end of the world. I can always apply for a PhD program there.

Hi everyone! I'm so confused right now. Basically, I have two top schools: A and B. I was accepted into A with full funding and a stipend. It's a public ivy, I can see myself living in the state forever, and it's in the top 75 national schools. The staff is really nice, and I can see myself fit in. It also has a PhD program just in case I want to go that route. It's education department is higher ranked than School B's. I was supposed to interview with B last Friday via Skype, but the interview was cancelled due to snow on their end. I received an email today from one faculty member with times I can interview for the program. Four hours later, I received another email from a different faculty member saying I was waitlisted. I haven't replied to either yet because I'm still sick and have no idea how to approach this. School B is also a really good school, it's a public ivy and in the top 30's nationally. On one hand I really don't want to interview for this one at all--it would be 1.5 hours at 7 AM. On the other hand, it has been a dream of mine to go to this school. However, I don't even know if they would give me funding. I have no idea if I really am waitlisted, or if I could interview. How do I phrase "I want to go here but only if I have full funding and at least a 20k stipend"? Should I just withdraw? Argh.

FINALLY. I'm so relieved. Just got an email back from a college (the one both you and I applied to, @westy3789). Apparently my application was incomplete (even though it wasn't) and they didn't offer me admission. They didn't even spell my name correctly on the rejection letter--that's ridiculous. It was literally right there for them to copy and paste, and it's in my email. It just goes to show how much the application system varies. I received full rides to four higher ranked colleges, yet was rejected without interview to this one. It was at the bottom of my list, but still.

Hahahah this made me laugh out loud! I went to 5 schools in the LA area, and CC was basically a giant continuation of high school for the majority of the classes I was in. A lot of people already knew each other so there were cliques, and many people still had the high school mentality. It was mainly a fashion show; like who could wear the shortest shorts and show off the most cleavage. My professor held study sessions for his courses; five courses, each with 50 people. Only around 30 people showed up all together for the sessions. I think most people in a 7 AM class do not actually want to be there; they probably are pissed because all of the other "good" courses (i.e. after 10 AM) were taken. The only thing that really helped when I was in CC is if a professor did attendance and dinged them for that.

Thank you! I'm super excited to be going ANYWHERE. I need to start withdrawing applications but I've been so busy. I need to find a good way of turning down interviews I've already scheduled. I feel so guilty, but interviews after this week are too late for me. Thank you! When I applied, I knew only one school would offer funding. I was dreading having to go into so much debt (especially out of state/no reciprocity), but now there may be a chance for me to pay off undergrad debt during graduate school! One of my stipends would be 17k a year, and I'm lucky in the sense that my family is moving with me and will cover most of my expenses. I'd be able to pay off my credit card & student loans the first year! I got another acceptance with funding yesterday as well, so it's getting harder and harder to choose.

I went into this process thinking "please just let me have an acceptance ANYWHERE" and now I have interviews and acceptances coming out of my ears. Two of them want to pay for my entire education, and the third has nominated me for a full tuition waiver for at least the first year--it would be free for me to go and learn. I'm at this standstill where I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's one of the most important decisions I will ever make. These are all great programs, I can see myself succeeding in each of them. It's a major problem because everyone is so nice to me. I'm probably going to make a pro/con list for each of them, give them to my mentors, and hash it out with them. My family will have a lot of say as well (probably all of it), since they are moving wherever I move. Week 6 of 16 for my last semester of undergrad begins next week, though! Which is good--the stress is starting to mount up. I only need 11 units to graduate, but I'm taking 17 (including a capstone for each of my majors) on top of peer mentoring and internship. I'm basically at school/work from 8 AM-7:20 PM every day. I'd get a job on the weekend in order to save up money for when we move cross country (probably going to take out loans for that, ugh) but I really can't right now. I'm so tired. Also, the impostor syndrome is intensifying. I don't even know if I'll succeed in grad school, even though I'd like to think I will. Grrr. Hope you all are doing great and getting into programs you want!

WARNING: This is basically a first world problems post. Probably going to cross post it on the whine thread as well. I went into this process thinking "please just let me have an acceptance ANYWHERE" and now I have interviews and acceptances coming out of my ears. Two of them want to pay for my entire education, and the third has nominated me for a full tuition waiver for at least the first year--it would be free for me to go and learn. I'm at this standstill where I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's one of the most important decisions I will ever make. These are all great programs, I can see myself succeeding in each of them. It's a major problem because everyone is so nice to me. I'm probably going to make a pro/con list for each of them, give them to my mentors, and hash it out with them. My family will have a lot of say as well (probably all of it), since they are moving wherever I move. Week 6 of 16 for my last semester of undergrad begins next week, though! Which is good--the stress is starting to mount up. I only need 11 units to graduate, but I'm taking 17 (including a capstone for each of my majors) on top of peer mentoring and internship. I'm basically at school/work from 8 AM-7:20 PM every day. I'd get a job on the weekend in order to save up money for when we move cross country (probably going to take out loans for that, ugh) but I really can't right now. I'm so tired. Also, the impostor syndrome is intensifying. I don't even know if I'll succeed in grad school, even though I'd like to think I will. Grrr. Hope you all are doing great and getting into programs you want!