The Interdisciplinarian

I feel better about taking time off between degrees now. Finished my BA in '97 but waited until '01 to start my MA and until '13 to start my MFA. I didn't start feeling like a true geezer 'til I realized I was the fifth oldest person in my MFA cohort.

@Need Coffee in an IV, good luck! I had noticed they had a really far-out deadline, so I figured I could still apply for the fall once I get rejected from my target program. Look at me, thinkin' positive-like.

Ugh, debt and loans and funding is so scary. If I get in but with no funding, I can't do this. I have hefty loans from my MFA (most MFAs have almost nothing in the way of funding), so even though my BA is all paid for long ago and my MA was funded, I do NOT want additional debt and in fact am kind of banking (ha ha) on being able to defer my MFA loans while doing the PhD. Which puts me in mind of asking some advice. As this week creeps along with no news, one option I've considered is a one-year graduate certificate. I have a couple already (one in women's studies and one in instructional design), but those were basically free, as I did them at the school where I work. I'm looking at an online cert in Book History/Digital Humanities from Texas Tech, and it is incredibly appealing, but I'd want to pay out of pocket. On one hand, I think getting a more diverse set of credentials would look good if I wait a year or two and try for PhD programs again, but on the other hand, would this scattershot educational history make me look unfocused and a bit all over the place? Mostly I just hate not being in school this year. This is the first academic year since 2004 that I haven't at least taken a class somewhere, even if it's just for fun. I've done non-degree language coursework in the past, just to stay fresh with my French, and have taken random things that I'm curious about, like economics and world poetry. I've heard that doing too much random coursework, though, makes you look like a dilettante or something.

Hang in there, @Neist. I know grading feeling dreary is terrible, and it's probably not good for those getting graded, either. I'm meeting a friend for margaritas tonight and thinking I should probably plan one small thing to do like that every day. Last night it was watching a documentary I like, tonight it'll be margaritas, maybe tomorrow I'll pick up a new pair of shoes or something. But yes, otherwise, this is going to feel like one long, horrible week, and it's only Tuesday.

My hope has dwindled to nothing. Just freaking reject me and get it over with, people. Had a nightmare last night that I got fired on top of this, leaving me with zero plan B. While in the dream I behaved like a crazy person upon learning this, I'm kind of thinking if I DID get fired, it would be kind of freeing, in the sick sad way one sometimes feels lighter after losing all in a natural disaster or something. Pink hair, no job, no school...it'll be amazing. *sobs quietly*

Yeah, I only applied one place this year. If it doesn't pan out, I'll apply to more than one next year. Have never tried gel liner, but that sounds ideal.

Liquid eyeliner is the bane of my existence. I feel like I have to apply it sitting down, it stresses me out so much. I love doing cat eyes when I have the time and the steady hand for it, and they look amazing, but that is just a heckuva lot of patience. By nature, I am an extremely high strung person (in case that wasn't obvious). You folks with the talent for it get my kudos. We are now at midday. I am losing hope by the minute that I will hear even this week. I'm sure there is a thin rejection letter all neatly folded, addressed, and sitting in the outgoing mail at the department office as we speak. Oh, poor little letter, innocent letterhead paper, it isn't your fault. I shall try to resist burning you when you finally arrive. *sniffle*

Oh, my gosh, that's why I'm vaguely paranoid to ever go back to my natural (brown) color. I don't want to have to update my hair color on everything.

My hair is already bleached platinum, so adding some wacky colors would be super easy. Plus it's shortish, so yeah, grow-out is not a big. I think I might try some temporary hair chalks first and see what colors I like. I'm doing a fiction writers' convention next month, and that would be a fun weekend to do something wackadoo and a little punk rock. I'm feeling better and better about my inevitable rejection notice, thinking of all kinds of fun hair things. Yes. This is totally a fine substitution for the furthering of my career. *dissolves into sobbing again*

Thank you, @FoxAndChicken, those are all very good things to keep in mind. I won't feel rejected as a human being, I know. I'm a creative writer, so rejection is part and parcel and doesn't really faze me and I realize can be due to a variety of things out of my control. A lot of it is that I've been at the same job for a decade and I'm going to be sadder about having to stay than sad that I got rejected from this program, per se. Maybe I'll color my hair pink to celebrate my rejection when it comes.

Okay, so I am making big assumptions based on a variety of info that I will hear something today. I also think it may be a rejection, if the results board is to be believed. What I'm dearly hoping for is that internal applicants (those in the program's MA) got a wave of early notifications, and that external folks are being told today, that I may still have a shot. But if I hear nothing or get rejected...oh, my gosh. I'm queasy and verklempt, people. Reasons a rejection would be good: - No more Februgatory, waiting and wondering; - I have this sweet new poster I want to frame and hang up somewhere, and I can finally put it in my current office if I know I'll be here another year; - I can look at short-term graduate certificates; - I know I'll have two new preps to teach next year if I stay where I am, both of which are cool classes; - Spouse and I won't have to suddenly sell our house but can do it in a more leisurely fashion; - I am feeding two outdoor cats that I'm trying to rescue for TNR, and if I'm not going anywhere I might be able to keep one; - I can literally think of nothing else. I'm so depressed, you guys.

Happy Friday and congratulations to all those getting acceptances! This is the last weekend I won't know anything. I am a sweaty-palmed, nail biting mess and ate a whole lot of ice cream last night. Like, a LOT a lot, you guys. It was ugly.

Thank you! And yes, I like your way of framing it better, PFB.

OMG YES, @FoxAndChicken! Although I have been guilty of the "k" as well. I remember having this insanely complicated email back and forth one late afternoon (after working hours) between myself, my department chair, and another faculty member, all consisting of a bunch of "k" type responses on our phones. I was in the grocery store and the whole thing was stressing me out. I now have a "if this string is making me want to rip my hair out, I will only reply to it sitting down at a computer" policy. But for those quick things, yeah. Eesh, I should stop that. *** In other news, I'm hoping for good things for those of us still waiting! I'm presenting a paper at a small symposium tomorrow and figured out my admission committee is liking meeting around the same time as my talk. Hoo boy. Like, that is some pressure, yo. If I think POSITIVELY, I suppose it's some sort of cosmic serendipity that can only mean good things. It might also keep me from being nervous at my talk (as in, man, whatevs, I got this paper DOWN; the real stress is happening at that other school, where I am being judged in absentia). If I think negatively, however, it's like two roomfuls of people are deciding whether or not I suck, and both may say "Yep. This lady is pretty dumb all around."

XD That's awesome.

Hee hee, thanks! Seriously, this song gets stuck in my head every time I check my email during this waiting game.

For those of us feeling it, "Time Will Crawl" shall be our theme song as Februgatory marches onward...

I got brave and emailed the admin of my target program and got a better idea of when to expect an answer. I feel a tiny weight lifted, as at least I know when to resume panic. Stress-busting activities: I need more of these. I think all my hobbies are stress-inducing, rather than stress-busting. I love video gaming but sometimes it just makes me more stressed out than relaxed. I need more sitcoms, knitting, and exercise in my life, I think, and less consumption of both alcohol and caffeine.

So before I left work yesterday, I texted my spouse to ask if I had any mail. He said I had two "mysterious" letters. I had to start driving, so I spent a half an hour wondering what those could be (I suppose I could have called him, but I am apparently a masochist). When I got home, they were mortgage refi offers. *sigh* I HATE EVERYTHING AND WAITING IS AWFUL. Februgatory, you are the WORST.

Another day of no word. I am going absolutely bonkers. Friends who've applied to things are getting word (different programs). I'm getting nothing. I'm seriously getting depressed, folks.

Oh, neat, what a fun topic!

My husband swears by the idea that when you don't feel good (for whatever reason) you should get dressed up. It makes you feel more together emotionally. Take yourself out for lunch!

Yep, watched the Grammys last night and am paying for it with exhaustion today. Some good moments. Kudos to Swifty for her epic Kanye burn in the final acceptance speech of the night. Woot! Hamilton was pretty awesome all around. I have severely mixed feelings about Gaga's Bowie tribute; big fan of both of them, and it felt kind of rushed and didn't showcase either one of them as well as it could.

Moreso the music industry than the Kardashians. Reality TV is one area I'm not as keen on. I do sort of hate watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and I was watching Sisters Wives until it got legitimately painful. Like I worried about their actual lives and think they should stop being on TV for their mental health.

Oh, gross. Thanks for the heads up. I have still heard NOTHING all day. Dove through my email correspondence with them from my application period, even, to make sure they had my correct email address and to make sure I hadn't missed something. Nope. Maybe that first applicant was so standout brilliant they had to accept them first. (Although I'm doubtful, if he or she can't even spell the name of the university correctly.)