I was enrolled in an R1 PhD program for the last few years, and did relatively okay. However, I have been butting heads with my advisor for about two years. Our working relationship deteriorated quickly, and she became cold towards me. Others have described the situation as toxic, and I have recently decided I was tired of dealing with it. For this and other reasons, I quit. I will be receiving my terminal Masters from the program and moving on with my life.
However, I do want to get a PhD and work in academia. I discussed it with my partner and with a research collaborator, and their encouragement has solidified my decision to apply for PhD programs in the fall. Unlike when I first applied (when I had zero idea what I was doing), I now have a competitive application. I have a solid number of conference presentations, posters, and research manuscripts under review. I won the NSF GRF during my time at my current program, and I will at least walk away with my MA. I have strong GRE scores as well, and experience in being the instructor of record for a few courses. I will also have strong application statements, as I have successfully gotten both myself and students that I have mentored into grad school before.
The only barrier is the letters of recommendation. My former advisor said that she does not support me applying to new programs unless I take a few years off first. To me, that screams "I will not write you a letter," and that worries me. Missing a letter from my former advisor will be a huge red flag, but one of the professors I collaborate with thinks that the old advisor will write one anyway. She thinks withholding a letter would be "excessive" and "unnecessarily harsh." She said I should not let my old advisor sabotage what I want to do, and suggested I ask her for a recommendation anyway. If worse comes to worse, she said a strong set of letters would override the absent advisor letter. But I am nevertheless worried.
The idea of starting over in a new location with a new advisor makes me feel energized, so I will be going back on the grad school market! The timing will makes sense for many reasons, so I would like to apply this upcoming year. Any advice for what to do would be fantastic! Thank you so much for your help!
I was enrolled in an R1 PhD program for the last few years, and did relatively okay. However, I have been butting heads with my advisor for about two years. Our working relationship deteriorated quickly, and she became cold towards me. Others have described the situation as toxic, and I have recently decided I was tired of dealing with it. For this and other reasons, I quit. I will be receiving my terminal Masters from the program and moving on with my life. However, I do want to get a PhD and work in academia. I discussed it with my partner and with a research collaborator, and their encouragement has solidified my decision to apply for PhD programs in the fall. Unlike when I first applied (when I had zero idea what I was doing), I now have a competitive application. I have a solid number of conference presentations, posters, and research manuscripts under review. I won the NSF GRF during my time at my current program, and I will at least walk away with my MA. I have strong GRE scores as well, and experience in being the instructor of record for a few courses. I will also have strong application statements, as I have successfully gotten both myself and students that I have mentored into grad school before. The only barrier is the letters of recommendation. My former advisor said that she does not support me applying to new programs unless I take a few years off first. To me, that screams "I will not write you a letter," and that worries me. Missing a letter from my former advisor will be a huge red flag, but one of the professors I collaborate with thinks that the old advisor will write one anyway. She thinks withholding a letter would be "excessive" and "unnecessarily harsh." She said I should not let my old advisor sabotage what I want to do, and suggested I ask her for a recommendation anyway. If worse comes to worse, she said a strong set of letters would override the absent advisor letter. But I am nevertheless worried. The idea of starting over in a new location with a new advisor makes me feel energized, so I will be going back on the grad school market! The timing will makes sense for many reasons, so I would like to apply this upcoming year. Any advice for what to do would be fantastic! Thank you so much for your help!