wintergirl

I feel stupid posting this but it's not a problem I feel comfortable discussing with anyone at my school. I'm in my first year of a PhD program that was far from my first choice. Faculty at one of my first choice schools told me I just missed the final cut of admits last year, so I know I was in their top batch of applications. Meanwhile I got other fully funded offers so I decided not to reapply and took the one that seemed the best of my options. I felt lucky to have gotten in anywhere. Now that I'm here, I've had a lot of trouble settling in and finding my former levels of motivation (partially thanks to some mental health issues). I'm still finding myself looking back at my top schools and generally feeling like shit at the number of rejections I got last year. What I think is really hanging me up is that the schools I didn't get into (including the one I almost got into) focus on my exact research field, while my chosen program does not. If it was only about academics and rankings, I don't think I'd still be struggling over this too much. My question is this: Do other accepted PhDs still look back and wonder about -- or even continue to grieve -- the ones that got away? At what point does that feeling dissipate? I've been really working to adjust my attitude but feel that my drive and enthusiasm are slowly being drained away. I'm grateful to be in a funded PhD program yet I still have application rejection nightmares, wtf. Any words of wisdom? Suggestions? Commiserations? Or "don't worry, this is normal for new PhD students" ... or even "buck up and be grateful"-isms?

Guh. My brain has left the building. Anyone else still frantically trying to meet imminent thesis deadlines??

Have any of you other acceptees received an official letter or email yet? Am starting to worry I hallucinated the entire conversation with the DGS last week due to lack of sleep. And hang in there, for the peeps still waiting!

Any guesses as to when UCB might deign to send out our (presumed) rejection notices? Ready to put that final nail in the coffin of my crushed California dreams.

I don't want to raise false hopes but early last week I checked my application and the status definitely said "Denied". (Note: I never got an email or letter or anything saying that.) When I got the call yesterday, I checked again and the online status was back to "Submitted". So maybe check yours again? DGS said that they just made their decisions this week, so... Fingers crossed for y'all!!

I've also been having serious doubt/self-worth issues after 10 (11 implied! \O/) rejections and one lonely admit. Then today one of those rejections turned into an admit. Which leads me to conclude that it's just weird, that "fit" thing: both programs that accepted me were ones I crossed off my list as soon as I submitted because I didn't get the right "vibe" about it. Of course, all the schools I did have the right "vibe" with rejected me flat out, so...

Also got a call today re: an acceptance. DGS was surprised to hear that I'd already been rejected via the website last week. Of course, now I'm hoping that ALL of my rejections were mistakes! If only.

Yes, I got a call from the dept chair at the end of last week. Thanks! I'll definitely PM you if I decided to go there (not like I have a ton of options right now...). Everything I've heard about Boulder is that it's a great dog town and my winter/snow/mountain loving pup will be very happy. And, hey, as a beer drinker I don't think I can go wrong there!

Rejected. Dejected. Crushed.

Sweet Lord of the Rings, I'm so far behind on my thesis it's ridiculous. Time to crank it up and crank it out! Got one chapter done, and my goal is to finish another chapter this weekend then the third/final one by the following weekend... Uh huh.

Thanks so much, y'all!! I'm incredibly relieved, to say the least. : ) Thanks, lyoness! Yeah, I've been looking on Craiglist and rents are definitely higher than I expected, but if I end up going there I've got to find a dog-friendly spot. Hoping to be within walking distance to school--if you have other recs of neighborhoods or nearby towns, please feel free to PM me!

USC, USC What is it you do to me? First you were not my fave Now to go to you I crave And everyday I check the mail, (It's just junk mail, without fail) USC, USC Won't you please get back to me GO AHEAD AND ADMIT ME FFS.

UColorado! And @ LOLO - hang in there! You never know when good news will strike.

I'm also wondering about that. Based on last year, both WLs and rejections went out about 3-4 days after acceptances. Fingers crossed for Ithaca!

Hugs hugs hugs for lolo and others still waiting to hear. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!