choidy87

Oh, well, I love these questions more than the whole thread. I'm wearing a very appropriate dress to orientation. Not quite a sundress, not quite a shirt-dress - but appropriate in length and everything will be covered (while I do love to glam it up and rock some non-traditional stuff, I won't be doing it on the first day of orientation). I'm sure they'll all see the glam side of me at our first house party or truly non-academic event. I'll also wear some cute peep-toe flats in a semi-bright, summery color and I always try to do something different with my hair. I actually love wearing several different hairstyles in a week. As for the rest of my time in school, I'll probably wear stuff in the same vein. Even when I become a T.A., that will still be appropriate and I won't have to rush out and buy stuff to "make me look older/more authoritative." I've always been a little different when it comes to clothing, but I've also maintained a level of professionalism when it's needed. Luckily, I'm not in my teens or early 20s anymore, so I actually know how to dress myself well. When I was younger, I knew I didn't feel as though I should dress like everyone else (mainly because I've never looked like everyone else). Looking back, I was a mess in a lot of ways. Now that I know about silhouette and proportion, I don't look like I'm trying too hard to look different. Know what I mean? And by the time school starts, I'll be more than happy to switch up my daily looks after wearing cut-offs, exercise pants, tank tops, and countless other items that I won't mind getting paint/dirt/grease on while I'm fixing up my new place. That's also part of my problem. When I was much younger, I was a complete slob. Jeans and one size fits all t-shirts were my staples. Talk about not caring how I looked (unless I went to an event). If I don't have great pieces in my wardrobe, it's too easy for me to revert to unflattering clothes. So, in the end, I don't care if people think I dress up too much. They wouldn't want to see me if they knew how my default looked. I can guarantee that the other folks in my program will be a bit surprised by the way I actually dress. I, of course, went with the basic black Sisterhood of the Travelling Pantsuit during my interview weekend. I didn't want anything to distract the committees or current students from my brain. *** Oh and, to the original poster, I do wear ties - and even suspenders - on occasion.

Yeah, I get that no one likes someone who's glad-handing. No surprise there... I just don't believe that anyone on here actually thinks the average, non-precocious Ph.D. student would be a social misfit if he or she happened to have a basic business card ready for conferences, interviews, etc. Look, when I saw American Psycho I also thought one of the most psychotic parts of the film was the endless bragging on business cards.

Wow, this must be something that I'm not understanding culturally. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why anyone would be judged for carrying or giving someone else a business card. I'm really confused, so I'm sure I'm missing something here. Is it because we're all not supposed to care about the trappings of professionalism like business cards and suits? Is it not cool to care about that stuff? Not that it matters, because I've never been "cool." This is kind of like the thread on bookbags. Until I read that thread, I had no idea how many people actually cared that other people thought they would look silly for wearing a bookbag on both shoulders (something that's acutally better for your health and posture). You'll either give out the business cards your Ph.D. program will give you and add other people's cards to your "rolodex" or you won't. Regardless, I'm sure this is another cultural gap for me.

Well, I am not in the sciences. I am in the humanities and everyone of the current grad students during my interviews had university-provided business cards (with the school seal). I also have friends in different fields within the arts/humanities and they've had them in their programs, too. And every working artist I know, who is actively trying to show their work/get funding, carries cards. That's how I've met and kept up with half of them. I printed my own cards from VistaPrint several years ago. There are times I actually forget that I have them until someone asks me for a card. As a matter of fact, a post-doc and a professor who teaches undegrads asked me if I had a card during a cocktail hour prior to my interview. Good thing my mom reminded me to take them with me on my trip.

I'm pretty sure most programs provide them to you (especially if you have a fellowship or are "working" for the university).

You do know that RTP stands for Research Triangle Park, right? There's plenty of science research being done in North Carolina and Carolina has some of the best humanities programs in the world. Carolina, as coyabean said, does have an extremely large black and Latino population in the grad school and the undergrad numbers mirror U.S. racial/ethnic statistics. Carolina is about 11% black and even 1% Native American. That's right in line with national representation and better than the majority of flagships. Comparitively, the major UC schools (Cal and UCLA) are pitiful when it comes to diversity. Don't get me started on them. Other public universities throughout the state of North Carolina are also exceptional in this area. For example most of the people I've known who've gone to Fayeteville State (an HBCU) have been white. The school's also more than 60% female and definitely left-leaning. Don't forget how members of the student body protested Tom Tancredo's anti-immigration speech in 2009 and kept him from finishing his remarks? On top of all of that, Chapel Hill is an unbelievable place. I have yet to meet anyone who didn't love it. Even the people who attend school eight miles away find themselves there every weekend and they're generally from the Northeast. I don't know what your definition of high end is, but some of the finest dining in the South is in Chapel Hill. While a good number of undergraduates from all backgrounds are first generation college students, Chapel Hill doesn't get teased about being wine and cheesy for nothing. Quaint? No. Who can live year-round in quaint? Things can only be so cute for so long. Suburban? No. Chapel Hill isn't ground zero for strip malls and chain restaurants. Small Town? Maybe - at more than 50,000 people. It really is - simply put - a classic college town. It's changed a bit over the last 20 years and isn't nearly as Southern as I would like. There's a Whole Foods now and a Trader Joe's (and Ralph Lauren even opened a Polo store that failed miserably a few years back). Have you visited or are you just thinking about applying? If you've visited and you just don't like the vibe, it's not the right place for you. And no one wants to be in class or hang out with someone who hates where they live. Regardless, Chapel Hill isn't located in the middle of a pig farm where townies are riding in the backs of trucks while waving the Confederate flag. I actually don't think I've ever heard someone who lives in Chapel Hill or Carrboro referred to as a townie.

Unlikelygrad, I hope I didn't sound as if I was judging anyone else for how they've chosen to name themselves. That was never my intention. This is why I try to avoid electronic communication as much as is possible these days. I fully believe in the feminist movement's allowing each of us to make our own choices. So, apologies to anyone if I sounded as though I was pooh-poohing any choice but my own. For Muslims, women's maiden names are kept, historically, because it means she's coming in with her own property and, I guess, leaving with it. While that was just a cultural example, it can be used against women in some ways now - not always. But then that naming system can vary from nation to nation and sect to sect. Additionally, just as slaves were given their master's surname to signify that they were propery, women have been, also. Mrs. technically means Master's - as in a possession of the Master or Mister (Mr.) And children were absolutely the property of their parents - absolutely! But, it's all I have. And that leads us back to a patriarchal discussion. No one questions men who've, for ages, kept their fathers' names as they moved from being property of their parents to having their own lives. Again, it's a personal choice for each and every one of us. I adore my name.

This topic always cracks me up because Muslim women in a good deal of the Middle East and the Arab world don't change their surnames. Also, if you look at Spanish (and colonial Spanish) naming customs, a child is given both its mother's and father's names. The female medical doctors I know and the med students I used to know kept their maiden names if they got their M.D.s prior to marriage and only used their husband's name if they were married prior to receiveng the M.D. A friend recently told me that she thought a colleague's husband was a weak man because he took his wife's name. "Why?" is the only question I asked her. I, personally, would never change my last name. I've never fully understood why there's even an expectation that I would. I'm no longer anyone's property and I really don't have any literal property give to anyone as part of an inheritance. This is very much a cultural, status quo kinda of thing. Even my Middle Eastern-American and North African-American male friends (just to clarify that they grew up in the States) think it's odd that women change their names. Practically every other male I know who was raised in the U.S. can't imagine a wife not taking his name. *** On a separate note, I really feel as though that Bush administration name change policy did more to hurt gay couples than anything else. Hmmm.

You're kinda crazy. As a proud Los Angeles native, I can honestly say that traffic isn't horrible when you use one or maybe two freeways as a commuter. However, you'd be driving through at least four or five different traffic patterns and that won't be pretty. My first year in grad school, I commuted 65 miles (1.5 hours) one way. It actually wasn't bad. I did really well because I spent all my free time in the library and was ahead in my coursework. Unfortunately, my workouts suffered a bit that second semester. I'm also single and there were lots of times when I burned the candle at both ends to have a social life and and an academic one. I can't imagine what married life would be, but I guess working people do that every day in every city. I ended up moving closer to school because my eyes were so tired after long days that, as an excellent driver, I wasn't as alert on the freeway as I needed to be. I suggest living in Fullerton, Anaheim or maybe Placentia. Even Costa Mesa's a better idea than living in or around Long Beach. That way you and your wife can be (somewhat) in the middle of both schools. Check out the evidence: http://www.sigalert.com/Map.asp#lat=33.88486&lon=-118.09166&z=2 Also, grad school happens when it happens. The plan to drive only in the early morning/late night will quickly change. If it doesn't that means you're probably not spending any time with your spouse. You'll be probably be a T.A., working on projects, or going to events throughout the Southland. I think a central location is the best idea. If you look at a map, you're going to think Whittier or La Habra would make a great central location. Rethink that. Freeways don't run through those cities, so it takes about 20 minutes just to get to one. You don't want to add that surface street time to your commute, in my opinion. Regardless, get a toll road transponder if you drive the 91. The cost benefit is worthwhile.

thank you, coyabean, for your input. i've lived in both the triangle and the boston-area and you're speaking the truth. i was originally going to post in response to someone's comment about boston being diverse. in my opinion, that's not true. while there are people of different backgrounds in boston, i've lived all over this country (and in a few other nations) and have never seen a city less integrated. there's obviously a long history of racism and classism in boston, but i'm pretty sure most people aren't referring to "sketchy" mattapan when they're discussing diversity. of course, if you're only stopping in for a few years as a student at harvard, bu, northeastern, brandeis, etc., i'm guessing you could graduate without ever hearing about blue hill avenue and mattapan. anyway, having attended one of the triangle universities where people scored "their recreational greenery" as an undergrad, i can honestly say i've seen some of the lowest class behavior in my life in the wine and cheese sections of town. don't get me wrong, i still bleed my particular shade of blue and love the area just as much as the next person, but i think it's always a good idea to clarify exactly what makes a place "sketchy" or an area "bad."

I wouldn't worry about being rejected if they didn't skype you but still interviewed you on campus. Maybe they just wanted to be sure about a few candidates before they invested time in bringing them to campus. Hopefully you'll get good news soon.

I have an aquaintence/colleague who had an interview up at Syracuse last week. Prior to that, this aquaintance had a skype interview with them in, what I assume, were their first round of interviews. I haven't followed up with this person yet, but have they not told you all, after interviewing you twice, whether or not you've been accepted? Talk about making applicants sweat. Good luck.

The Triangle doesn't have the apartment houses or tenaments that are common in New England. It's also super annoying that craigslist in Raleigh doesn't have subtopics for each of the three cities. And don't get me started on the fact that the leasing agents have overrun the site. They've got to be 90% of the posters. I would search for Carrboro duplex. Undergrads don't tend to live in duplexes in the Triangle.

Socnerd, this is exactly the lack of patience and self awareness that waytooold mentioned. Though I do see that you are very energetic and passionate about your life goals. That is wonderful and that's what will make you a rock star in your field. Do your thing! I'll be 32 and I'll quickly turn 33 when I begin my Ph.D. Believe me, I know I'm not old and I'm definitely not the wisest person out there. For me, the timing is perfect. At one of my interviews, there were several 24 year-olds. If the timing was perfect for them, so be it. However, while I was nervous because I'd never had a pre-Ph.D. interview (no frame of reference), they were a lot less patient and a lot less self-aware about so many other things that weekend. I mean, pounding shot after shot... really? Just because the "official" interview is over doesn't mean the interview is over. I also knew, as another poster mentioned, that a rejection from a school wouldn't define me. Some of these folks changed their answers to presumed questions because someone who had been interviewed earlier answered a certain way. This is not to say that every 24 year-old binge drinks or is insecure about their work/background. I just want to say that patience and true confidence come with a few years under your belt. Anyway, a year is just a few days in the grand scheme of things. Think about what you were doing exactly one year ago. Time flies. One year won't throw anything off. Trust me. I can tell you that at 22 I had no idea I'd ever be starting a Ph.D. program. My plan was to get a B.A. and bounce. The best laid plans of mice and men... Youth is wasted on the young... I'll stop here.