zeev

I am planning to start my PhD in the fall. This deeply depressing (mis)ordering of priorities, which seems to be all-to-common amongst grad students, is what makes me the most worried about doing a PhD. What you are suggesting is that we sacrifice (or, at best, delay) the most fundamental and intimate aspects of our lives - financial security and having a family - for our work. If you went to a job interview, and the interviewer offered you the job, a job which you would no doubt enjoy, but told you that the pay was so terrible that you would go into debt if you took it, and you would be unable to have a family for many years, would you take that job? No, you would laugh yourself right out of the door. Why is graduate school any different? The second sentence in this quote offers a clue. You imply that the only alternative to grad school is to work as a "manager at the local grocery store five nights a week". As @telkanuru wrote: @DCguy, I think you already know this. I'm pretty sure you know that grad school and working at a grocery store are not the only two options in life, especially for someone who is smart enough to get into grad school. Instead, what you are implying is that grad school is the only worthwhile path in life. And that is why you are suggesting that we sacrifice, again, the most fundamental aspects of our personal happiness and wellbeing in order to do it. So, why am I worried if I don't share your opinion, or your priorities? I am worried because grad school is a process of socialization. I am worried because if the rest of my cohort shares your priorities, I will be constantly looked down upon for going home to spend time with my wife and family, instead of burning the candle at both ends during another late night at the library. Perhaps that isn't you. Or perhaps you weren't planning to have a family that soon anyway, so delaying it is fine. But mostly, I am worried that you are contributing to this socializing process right here on gradcafe, before us new students even get to our programs, and reinforcing this toxic culture of sacrifice for the next generation. Every aspiring and current grad student should print out this quote and stick it on the wall above his or her desk. I too am absolutely shocked that such a statement is at all controversial. Thank you to @telkanuru, @Sigaba, @Calgacus and @TMP, who show us that there is a better way.

Hi all. I have a (kinda nice to have) problem. I am very lucky to have been accepted to my two top choices. I got an email from the committee at another school. They said my application is impressive and they want to have a phone conversation. The thing is, this school is closer to the bottom of my list. It's not nearly as good a fit as my top two. In short, there's almost no likelihood I'm going there. What should I write back? Should I decline the offer now?

@AP Thanks for the advice. I find navigating these niceties a little confusing. @AnUglyBoringNerd Thank you. Wishing you luck - I hope you get an answer soon.

Longtime lurker here! Congrats to @realmarcelproust and @OHSP on your Penn acceptances! I was just accepted too. A couple of questions for everyone: 1. What's the best way to reply to the DGS, letting him know you won't be able to make the visiting day? I live a 15-16 hour flight away so there's no way I can justify it. 2. Is it common practice to email your POIs (in addition to the DGS) to thank them for the acceptance? Thanks