I am attending a top tier PhD program, which of course I'm very happy about, but I'm also scared out of my mind. I'm terrified I won't be good enough, that I'll struggle my way through it, that it'll be so much work I won't have a life outside of it, and just overall that it'll make me miserable. I say I'm happy about it but in reality I think I may be more anxious than truly happy. I also feel guilt for not feeling or expressing more excitement. People around me seem to be more excited, happier, prouder about it than I am. I should at least enjoy this moment of "I'm doing a PhD at X university!" before I actually start and it gets hard, but most of the time it just feels unreal. People say impostor's syndrome is very common in graduate school, but I haven't even started my classes yet and I'm already drowning in it, it's not letting me enjoy this success. So yeah, I'm just overall terrified. Apologies for the ranty stream of consciousness.