I have been silently monitoring these pages over the last few weeks, as I'm sure many of us have, and eagerly awaiting "the results". I have also signed up for an account after reading the most recent contributions.
Dear Anthrogal and anyone else who needs to hear it: Whatever happens next, know you did your best. I hear your stress, and I affirm YOU. But...even if you wish you could go back in time and change things, I just want to remind you that you can ALWAYS move forward. YOU get to choose the kind of life you want to have, and importantly, YOU get to choose the kind of person you want to be.
Know that whatever great things you do in the world...you WILL do, and not because you received or didn't received SSHRC-PD. Finally, and more than anything, please - be kind to yourself.
With you in solidarity.