Grand cru

Thanks to you both for your thoughtful input. I appreciate an outsider's opinion as I realize that I'm probably too frustrated with this cohort member at this point to see the situation clearly. I can now understand how complaining that "she won't talk to me" sounds quite trivial, and not malicious. I like the idea of trying to plan an event myself for our entire lab (including her). After all, I think we can accomplish much more as a complete lab team. In the meantime, I really appreciate your supportive advice, proflorax, to "Shake it Off" a la Taylor Swift. I will certainly try to follow this advice when having to deal with this colleague's actions, and I will have Taylor Swift's song running through my head to help

I am 3 years into my 5 year PhD program in anthropology, and there are three people in my cohort who all started our PhD degrees at the same time. One member of my cohort is basically MIA, while the other member, for some reason that I do not 100% understand, has been treating me maliciously since day 1 of the program. This cohort member has been at this same university from undergrad and now through PhD, while I only arrived at the university three years ago, to pursue my PhD. The two of us, along with our advisor and the visiting post-doc currently in our lab, are researching the same field site every summer, and spend quite a bit of time in the lab together during the academic year, although we work separately in the lab because our dissertation topics do not overlap, AT ALL. This cohort member ignores me completely when we are in the lab unless I ask her a question; yet, she talks to everyone else. The post-doc and this cohort member, who worked together on a project before I arrived to the university, pretend as if I don't exist when they have conversations in the lab. Only when this cohort member is not present will the post-doc speak to me, and is actually quite pleasant when he discuss things in her absence. She will only speak to me when necessary and when in the presence of other superiors or our advisor. Therefore, I've concluded that it is really only this one cohort member who is being so troublesome. (Other observers have agreed that she treats me quite maliciously.) This situation has reached the point where every action she takes makes it seem to me like she's trying to alienate me from our team and/or our advisor. In the field in the summer, she completely ignores me during fieldwork and social events alike (even though we are both project supervisors). She's taken control over advertising for our lab and updates her research information but 'forgets' to update mine. She's arranged two lab- and project-related events this fall specifically on dates that she knew I would be away at conferences. She arranges other informal events with the post-doc and other individual students working in the lab without including me. In fact, she sometimes arranges these events in front of me. Based on the way that she treats me, I have no desire to ask to come along at this time. I have tried to be friendly with this cohort member, from trying to discuss issues in our general field to talking about the weather or other trivial matters. However, I have only ever received terse responses from her (as if I insulted her by my simply being there); then, she immediately redirects her attention to the post-doc or to any other person in the lab/field. Does she see me as her inferior and/or competition (in that I'm a bit younger than her, have obtained a major funding award for my PhD, and have received degrees at quite reputable institutions prior to coming to this university)? Is she trying to win the favor of our advisor because, since my arrival, I've been taking some of his attention away from her? It seems to me that our advisor supports us equally and thinks of us as equals. I feel that, as cohort members, discussions about our different topics could benefit the both of us. In fact, our exact field of research is so small that we will likely be seeing each other at conferences and workshops for the rest of our careers! We have the potential to help each other through our degrees and in the future, but for some reason, she does not seem open to this despite my friendly attempts. I truly despise drama (as I believe our advisor does), and I really just want to get along with this cohort member and be able to have discussions/work with her. However, I am at a point where her actions are making so miserable that I'm considering trying to arrange to be away from the lab for the next two years, which would actually be detrimental to my research/dissertation. What should I do? Should I "suck it up" and "ride it out" for the next two years? Should I bring this issue up with my advisor? Any advice is welcome. Thanks in advance!

I am having difficulty deciding between 2 programs in 1 university. I was accepted to both the Art History PhD program and the Anthropology PhD program at a well-respected university. My two previous degrees were a BA in Archaeology and an MPhil in Archaeological Science. The Art History program is guaranteeing me 1 more year of funding (plus possibly more) than the Anthropology program. The supervisor with whom I want to conduct research is in Art History, at least two new PhD students (one with an archaeology background) involved in my area of interest (Aegean/Eastern Med/Near East will also be joining the Art History program in the fall. I have talked with my potential Art History-based advisor on several occasions and we are certain that we can formulate a curriculum that will allow me to focus on (geo)archaeology and residue analysis whilst gaining sufficient knowledge in ancient art history. While my potential Anthro-advisor would be a great resource, his area/period of focus is a bit different than mine; nevertheless he would be a great resource and could potentially serve on my committee no matter the dept. If I accept Art History, I will also be allowed to take courses in Anthropology/Near Eastern Studies. My long-term goal is to able to be hired by any department (Archaeology, Classics, Near Eastern Studies, whatever...) for my expertise in the Aegean/East Med. and for my skills in geoarchaeology and focus on industrial production of alcohol/olive oil and trade/socio-political implications. I have consulted with my professors and am getting a mixed response as to whether I should join Art History. Their concern, as well as mine, primarily lies in my future marketability. I would very much appreciate it if any gradcafe members could offer their opinions as well?

I'm in a similar situation: I have been accepted to a great Canadian program with funding, and the deadline for replying (via snail mail) with my decision is 16 March. I have also been accepted to a great US program with funding, but I am waiting to hear back from 4 more programs (all with challenging acceptance rates), two of which may be better fits for me. Do any of you think that it is appropriate/okay for me to call the "silent" programs today /tomorrow and inquire as to my "status" since I have less than 2 weeks to make a decision? Any advice on what to say if the programs reply that decisions have not yet been reached (or they're going to take 2 weeks to send out decisions)? Please help!