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janie_complainy

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  1. Good God, people actually manage to SAVE some of their stipend?? Edit: sorry for resurrecting this dead thread... didn't see how old it was.
  2. Thanks so much for the feedback all... and by the way StrangeLight (or anyone else), I don't really mind if you write things that are mean, this is the internet-- I understand that my asking for advice here may end up with lots of people telling me, harshly, what I already believe to be true (that I'm being a brat). But thanks for the thought in retracting it anyway... though now of course I'm curious to hear what it really said. Anyway, I think I should clarify in terms of what a couple of people have said: I'm not talking about making friends to have a beer with, I do still have friends in my area. I mean that I actively dislike people enough that I don't want to go to any departmental events, parties, lunches, anything-- it's painful to sit through them and try to connect with these people (and I have tried on several occasions... I don't think I'm the only one who feels that way either, because there is another new PhD student--who I also don't like very much, lol-- but she also avoids all departmental events and is even more disconnected from fellow students than I am). So yes, it worries me because these are the people I'll have to mingle with professionally after school as well. (Sorry if I made that confusing in my OP by mentioning the word "friends"-- what I meant was that, whenever I bring this topic up to my parents or people whose advice I trust, they assume that my saying "I don't like the people in my program" means "I'm not making enough friends"). In terms of joining other groups outside my program, I already feel kind of overwhelmed with the program requirements as is, so I am hesitant to take on more commitments outside the scope of my area of study. But I am going to stick it out at least for the spring semester, that much I am sure of, so maybe new people will come in and stir up this stagnant group of people. I just never thought I'd feel this miserable in graduate school, and it's not even because of my classes or my lab.
  3. Hi all, I see that there are a lot of people on this forum posting about how they hate their graduate program, but I don't want to hijack anyone else's thread, so I'm starting my own in search of advice. I created this gradcafe account specifically to get some feedback about this question, as my family and friends don't really understand the way another graduate student would. So this is my first year (going into my second semester) in a PhD program at a very reputable school, in a fabulous program for my interests (which, loosely defined, are somewhere between cognitive neuroscience and language acquisition in children). For obvious reasons, I won't mention the name of the university or the specific program name, which is unique enough to identify. I commute about an hour each way to school (sometimes more), but I don't really mind the drive at all. I am very interested in the research going on in my lab, and my advisor isn't so bad (she's very smart, but a little weird). I chose this school over one that is closer (and with a "better name") because I really wanted to work specifically in this lab, with someone as well established in the field as she is. I liked my classes last semester, and I find my own research to be coming along nicely and it interests me. But I seriously can't stand any of the people in my lab/classes. Okay-- maybe that's overstating it. But let me put it this way: none of the time I spend with other PhD/graduate students is enjoyable. I haven't clicked with anyone, and this is unusual for me... I did not have this problem in my undergraduate studies nor in the 2 years working doing research for a nonprofit organization after I graduated (I talk more to my former coworkers than I do to my new fellow students!) It's not as if I haven't tried, or given them a chance......... I'm just not happy when I'm there. Now, that being said, I am getting a nice stipend to live on and they are waiving tuition in full, so I really should not complain. But I was so happy as an undergrad (and no, not because I was a party animal or anything... it just felt like a better fit for me in terms of the program and people), and to say "oh well, just 5 more years to suffer through, right?" and hearing my parents say "you're not there to make friends, you're there to get your PhD" etc etc make me feel like a spoiled brat. But is anyone else out there as unhappy as I am in their PhD program, and thinking of leaving? I know transfer is not really an option. And I know being a commuter means not experiencing the academic life in the same way (I live with my boyfriend who I met as an undergraduate and we've been dating 4 years. So I don't want to move). But I just feel trapped and unhappy. Sorry for the long post. Any feedback is welcome. And thanks if you actually read this far.
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