crazygirl2012

There are several issues here that it'd be good to separate out.

First, yes, the advisor should care about the advisee. But. First of all, not all students want an advisor who is involved in their lives (some are very happy meeting infrequently, only when there are relevant work-issues to discuss). Second, there are advisors who become mentors and care about you as a person, but more often your advisor will want you to succeed in your education/research and nothing more. In that respect, there are many ways to interpret "care." You and your advisor may have different interpretations.

Second, following up on the previous point, it appears that you and your advisor have different goals for your education. If I understand the situation correctly, you haven't been able to clearly communicate with your advisor about this issue (perhaps because she refuses to let go of the option that you'll change your mind and want to continue on to the PhD. She might therefore continue to require of you everything that you would need to become a successful PhD student). Since this is the case and it doesn't look like you'll resolve this problem any time soon, I think you need to actively design your work with your own goals in mind, and keep in mind that some of the advice your advisor gives you and/or some of her requirements of you may not serve these goals. This failure in communication is, I think, your biggest problem. It's not that she doesn't care, but she can't listen to what you're saying, for whatever reason.

Third, what work you should do next year. Since you want to go into adjuncting, I think it's important for you to get the teaching job. As you say, the experience is invaluable. It'll be crucial when you'll be looking for jobs. Maybe this not something that advisors think about if they see themselves as training *researchers* who go into academia and the industry, not *teachers*, but here I think your advisor's expectations of you may be getting in the way and you need to look out for yourself.

Fourth, the payment issue. This is somewhat separate from the other issues. There should be administration people who you could ask about finances and about promises which are not being kept. From everything you write it really doesn't seem to me like your advisor has malicious intent, so I think you should be very careful when trying to resolve this. Bring this up with your advisor and confront her with her promises; only if she doesn't give satisfactory answers, go above her head to whoever the go-to person in your department is in this case (the chair, I presume).

I think perhaps you're being a bit myopic based on your own very limited experiences and slightly rude. If a person enters a program in a new city which requires he or she put in 60-70 hrs a week to excel, it's very possible the person will find it difficult to meet people outside the program or have the time to build a relationship with them. If you didn't have time to play rugby, what types of friends would that leave you with?

Publications will help you a lot. Your research experience and your focus on one area are great. I'd echo everything Arcadian said. As far as a minimum GRE score, it really depends on where you want to go. Do some searching online and find the averages for the programs you're interested in. Sometimes these are difficult or impossible to find, but it's worth a try. Some programs (mostly the ones that are both large and highly ranked) have a GRE cutoff score. They won't publish that score. If you're below it, they'll automatically reject your application. I think the cutoff scores tend to be in the 1200-1300 range (by the old scoring system) but I could be wrong on that. Cornell and NYU probably have cutoff scores. I don't know about Auckland. Wikipedia has a conversion chart for old to new GRE scores. It's good to know where you stand on both, even though you already know your percentiles. Study a lot for the GRE before you take it again. Not only is it expensive, it starts to reflect badly on you if you take it more than twice. Congrats on your verbal score! Your math isn't half bad either, and it sounds like your writing score was just a fluke because of the misclick. You have the potential to do really well on the GRE. Your GPA is a little low, so your GRE and research experience should help you a lot.

Side note-- sounds like you're in social psych? My friend got rejected from the Ph.D. program at NYU, but they accepted her as a master's student even though she didn't apply for the master's program. She had already accepted another school's Ph.D. program offer, so she didn't take it. I don't think it was funded.

My mother after telling her I was rejected from Stanford: "Can't you just call them and tell them how interested you are in the program?"

No mom. It doesn't work that way, and even if it did, it's not the best fit for me anyway.

So your GRE was a disaster, your GPA is decent (by grad school standards), and you have solid research experience and clearly defined goals.

Definitely retake the GRE. It's less important than everything else, yet every committee looks at GRE scores and eliminates people based on that.

After you've done that, I think your chances are quite good, assuming you get helpful letters of recommendation, write a clear statement of purpose, and apply to the programs that best fit your particular research goals (and your people of interest are taking new grad students - contact them and find out).

I'm a graduating senior starting a Ph.D. program in the fall. I come from a small college and a pretty ambitious department. A lot of us applied to grad school. This entire semester, I've seen a lot of drama related to grad school admissions. Lots of anxiety, bitterness, mixed feelings about each other's success, and just plain cattiness and backstabbing. It's disappointing. I'm pretty satisfied with how I've handled it, mostly because I've been the major target for criticism. I'm not going to whine on here about the nasty things people say, but I am curious to know if others have encountered this problem at the end of undergrad.

For what it's worth, my true friends have been great! We've had our issues, and we've all said things we now regret, but we've worked through it and are genuinely happy for one another.

In my case, two of my recommenders were previous research advisors (one of whom became my thesis advisor). The third taught me for two semesters. By junior year, I had gotten to know them quite well. Senior year, I applied but didn't get in. They were all so encouraging and supportive. My thesis advisor took on the role of an advisor after graduation. Another recommender helped me in my job search. These professors went above and beyond and gave their time to help me out. Two of them wrote recommendations for my job applications.

I kept in touch with them, and made every effort to see them each time I visited my alma mater. In my second year of teaching, I applied again, sticking with the same set of recommenders. My thesis advisor guided me again through the process, lending invaluable assistance. I wrote them constant (not too many) updates with each acceptance/rejection, then a final email after I'd made my decision.

I am also thinking of small gifts which I will present when I see them in person in a couple months. I gave thank-you gifts to two of them after graduation, anyway. Besides my recommenders, other professors have also been there for me. And I did send a thank-you card to a chemistry prof updating her on my admissions decision (she also advised me through the process). A few weeks after mailing the card, I sent an email to which she replied within a few hours. So, I do agree that email is useful since it affords a means of prompt response. Cards are nice, but the recipient may not be able to respond, especially if they do not have your current email.

Ultimately, it depends on the relationship. There are 3 or 4 professors that I would like to keep in touch with on a longterm basis, and I will do this through a combination of emails, letters and personal visits. Thank-you cards work great if you probably will not keep in close future contact with the recipient. And, no, while it is nice, I do not think buying and mailing a card is any indication of one's sincerity. An email could be just as heartfelt. The relationship is what really counts.

I'm a graduating senior starting a Ph.D. program in the fall. I come from a small college and a pretty ambitious department. A lot of us applied to grad school. This entire semester, I've seen a lot of drama related to grad school admissions. Lots of anxiety, bitterness, mixed feelings about each other's success, and just plain cattiness and backstabbing. It's disappointing. I'm pretty satisfied with how I've handled it, mostly because I've been the major target for criticism. I'm not going to whine on here about the nasty things people say, but I am curious to know if others have encountered this problem at the end of undergrad.

For what it's worth, my true friends have been great! We've had our issues, and we've all said things we now regret, but we've worked through it and are genuinely happy for one another.

I've worn sunglasses inside/at night before because they were prescription and one of the lenses fell out of my regular glasses and I lost the little screw that holds the lens in the frame and I hadn't been able to buy a repair kit... I gave that explanation so many times for those few days. Switched to plastic frames after that debacle.

I like wearing nice-ish clothes and a little makeup. It makes me feel better about myself (I have problems with chronic depression), and thus I perform better. By nice-ish I mean dark jeans without holes or frayed bottoms, a top that fits well and doesn't have random stuff on it, and a sweater. Sometimes a skirt. Usually a pair of nice sneakers (not athletic shoes) or ballet flats.

I do think comfort should be the first consideration when you're going to spend all day on campus. But comfort can also look nice, and when I'm feeling grumpy in the morning and reaching for an oversized faded t-shirt, I try to remind myself that wearing that around all day will actually make me feel worse.

To the OP, I can understand this on multiple levels. I don't have an SO, but I get incredibly jealous and insecure when I think my friends in the department are better than me. It's terrible for all of us, and I need to fix it. Jealousy and comparison are very, very destructive to any relationship. You already recognize that, and you know you need to change. I don't have the answer for you not that one, but it is a problem worth working to fix.

Also, psych. Sigh. During my interview day at a highly ranked program, two of the professors commended me for making it this far in the application process as an undergrad. I was ultimately denied because I am a 21-year-old undergrad and they had master's students competing for the same spot. My POI was incredibly nice about it, expressed interest in my future, and even said she hopes I'll consider being her post-doc several years from now. My undergrad advisor is only 9 years older than me and she was amazed by how much more difficult admissions have become. I don't know what kind of psych you're going for, but if it's clinical, you can't take anything personally. Clinical psychology Ph.D. programs are now more competitive than med school.

I just passed my qualifying exams two days ago. Ever since, I have been an emotional wreck! The entire process left me with absolutely no confidence in myself as an academic or a human being.

Our qualifying exams consist of two days of written exams, then a week later an oral exam. Following the writtens, I felt absolute joy - I answered the questions to the best of my ability, I even stunned myself with the knowledge that seemed to just come gushing out for four hours straight. I was thinking 'this is what it's all about! It's a gruelling process, but now I know more about this subject than I ever have or ever will again!'.

Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a room with my committee while they tear to shreds everything I was so proud of, and while I struggle to answer even the most simple questions. I felt like a fool, and so embarrassed that they had exposed me as a fraud. This girl can't even answer the question 'What is a gene?!!'. I had studied my subject in such depth but had forgotten how to even string a sentence together.

Having spoken to others it sounds like this is the purpose of an oral qualifying exam - to break you and find out what your limits are. It's a rite of passage I suppose. I've just never felt so low! Is this character building? After it was over I was brought champagne and flowers, yet I felt like I did not deserve it one bit. I'd love to hear from others who have recently gone through quals and if they are reeling in shock like me, or are (as they probably rightfully should be) out celebrating a victory. Sheesh, what is it about grad school that makes one consider even the successes a failure?!

The TV part has actually been good for my time management! I hardly ever watch it these days because it's more painful than relaxing. I've found that reading printed pages hurts even more than reading a screen. I'm okay with it if the light is dim, but if I'm outside or under fluorescent lights, I'd rather just use my computer screen because I can turn the brightness down.

Thanks for the input, everyone-- sounds like I have more fun ahead of me. At least I'm getting a head start on learning how to deal with it as an undergrad!

The TV part has actually been good for my time management! I hardly ever watch it these days because it's more painful than relaxing. I've found that reading printed pages hurts even more than reading a screen. I'm okay with it if the light is dim, but if I'm outside or under fluorescent lights, I'd rather just use my computer screen because I can turn the brightness down.

Thanks for the input, everyone-- sounds like I have more fun ahead of me. At least I'm getting a head start on learning how to deal with it as an undergrad!

Has anyone else been told that grad school is very tough on the eyes? I've heard this from several people who have been through grad school or are going through it. I've recently developed chronic dry eye, and it sounds like grad school might make it worse. I'll deal with that if/when it happens. I try not to worry about it and to just focus on relieving the symptoms I have this year. Still, it's hard not to be concerned!

To the OP, I can understand this on multiple levels. I don't have an SO, but I get incredibly jealous and insecure when I think my friends in the department are better than me. It's terrible for all of us, and I need to fix it. Jealousy and comparison are very, very destructive to any relationship. You already recognize that, and you know you need to change. I don't have the answer for you not that one, but it is a problem worth working to fix.

Also, psych. Sigh. During my interview day at a highly ranked program, two of the professors commended me for making it this far in the application process as an undergrad. I was ultimately denied because I am a 21-year-old undergrad and they had master's students competing for the same spot. My POI was incredibly nice about it, expressed interest in my future, and even said she hopes I'll consider being her post-doc several years from now. My undergrad advisor is only 9 years older than me and she was amazed by how much more difficult admissions have become. I don't know what kind of psych you're going for, but if it's clinical, you can't take anything personally. Clinical psychology Ph.D. programs are now more competitive than med school.

1. comparing yourself to other students is a great way to make yourself feel like shit. guess what, as awesome as you were in the small pond of your undergrad years, you will NEVER be the best in your field. you'll NEVER be the best in your department, either. that's not me being pessimistic, that's reality. and the faster you can stop comparing yourself, the happier you'll be in grad school. because it isn't about being THE best, it's about being YOUR best. for real. stop comparing.

2. definitely don't compare yourself to people you love. that's a good way to stop loving them. quit it.

3. education programs are a VERY different animal from PhD programs. the field of education has a very different reputation and is perceived (right or wrong) to have a very different level of rigor. i mean, if you gotta start comparing yourself, at least do it with someone in your field. but even then, quit it.

Like you alluded to earlier, the expectations for admissions are completely different for the two fields.

Psychology (both Experimental and Clinical) has been getting more and more saturated by prospective graduate applicants, and its created this upward pressure of research experience needed to gain admission somewhere. I got accepted into a top Psych-related PhD (CMU SDS/Psychology) with only a year out of school (and working as a consultant, not a research assistant/lab manager), but that was definitely not the norm among the people I met at the interview. The norm to get into a decent program is now 2-3+ years of post-bacc full-time research experience and/or a Masters with a fair amount of research competence reflected by your letters. As an undergrad, I presented a relatively large amount of different papers/posters and had a couple of R&Rs in three pretty different fields (social psychology, game theory, and behavioral medicine/epidemiology), and my letters were glowing because of it, which served as a strong enough signal to avoid having to get extra research experience. I have colleagues now, though, in my school's Psychology department who came in in their late 20s because they had to build up their CVs just to get looked at by top schools--when I ask professors who got their PhDs a decade ago, they are still in shock over the sharp increase in expectations during the relatively short time-span.

Point is, you chose to get into Psychology. Your fiancé chose to go into Education. Both are completely different fields and the profiles needed to appeal to top schools are completely different for both. If you got into Psychology because it's a passion of your's, you wouldn't be happy doing Education, even if at a better school. You're getting training for your career and your future--not anyone else's. There's always going to be disparities around you, so it's best to just focus on yourself and be happy with what's in front of you and not what falls into the lap of anyone else. Ultimately, you're in charge of your future, and even though academia isn't as much of a meritocracy as many of us hoped for, there is still ample opportunity to 'move up' between stages in your career, so work on doing that rather than ruminating over counterfactuals that can no longer be changed.

I think you should try to be happier for you fiancee. The admissions process is confusing and complicated. As you said yourself, applying out of UG and out of a Masters are two different things and Education and Psych are different fields. While I understand that it's frustrating that you had to work hard and reap little from your efforts, you need to understand you two are in different circumstances. I don't know any of the specifics, but I think Education programs tend to put more emphasis on experience and stuff rather than research. Plus, she hasn't been accepted yet, she just got interviews. Look, the bottom-line is, even though it was difficult, you did get accepted to a PhD program, and it sounds like she is well on her way to achieving the same thing. I think you need to push your bad feelings aside and be supportive of her and her accomplishments.

Has anyone else been told that grad school is very tough on the eyes? I've heard this from several people who have been through grad school or are going through it. I've recently developed chronic dry eye, and it sounds like grad school might make it worse. I'll deal with that if/when it happens. I try not to worry about it and to just focus on relieving the symptoms I have this year. Still, it's hard not to be concerned!

Yes, I'm always impressed at how students at smaller schools connect with their profs! That's rare for the bigger state schools for undergrads.

Agh, people say that to me all the time too! Or they think that grad school is just College 2.0 and that I simply don't want to be in the "real world." Please. Grad school is a job. I'll just happen to get paid less, work long hours, and learn constantly about things I enjoy.

I have four cats, two from shelters and two I trapped as kittens from a feral colony. They don't take up too much time, and the apartment doesn't smell like cat at all because I clean the litter boxes everyday. The only tough part is that I had to switch them to an all-wet-food diet because one guy develops deadly urinary crystals with dry cat food, and even cheap wet food is more expensive than high quality dry food. Oh well, still love them lots.

Here's a picture of three of them sleeping on each other:

I wouldn't think of it as pathetic. There's a reason we apply to so many schools. It's really really tough. Admissions decisions are based on many factors, most of which are out of our control and do not reflect on our caliber as people or students. Does my 10% acceptance rate hurt my feelings a bit? Yeah, of course. But everyone told me, "one acceptance is all you need," and they're right.

While I get some of them, especially the "you look tired" one and the really nosy ones, the ones above to me just seem to be expressing interest in you as a person with things going on and I fail to see how they are insensitve, though I certainly understand that perhaps it's more that you are oversensitive, because I became that way myself. Just do a little reality check sometimes, because there is a difference between someone being insensitve and us being overly sensitive, even if they look the same to us in the moment. I swear I was getting to the point of being "OMG, you said hello to me! How DARE you aknowledge my existence while I'm applying to grad school! The nerve!"

Brace yourselves, I've been keeping a list of the insensitive stuff people have said to me throughout this process in order to try and get a laugh out of all the misery.


• "Just like... don't think about it." Silly me! I should have thought of that!
• "Why did you apply?" I have to justify my existence to myself and several admissions committees daily already. Go away.
• "So what are you going to study?" Honestly? IF I get in, I'll do whatever they tell me to do and love the heck out of it.
• "So how are you doing?" Honestly? Been better. What I'll tell you? "Fine."
• "Guess you'll just have to wait and see..." OMG! You're like, totally wise!
• "This waiting is just AWFUL!" Must be tough. I mean you already got into 3 schools and I haven’t heard a thing, but still.
• “You look exhausted!” Great, I’m already stressed and now I’m self-conscious.
• "What are you doing after you finish undergrad?" Don't know yet. Wish I did. What I do know is that I dislike you right now.
• "Why can't you just turn off the stress?" Probably the same reason that you can’t just turn off being an insensitive jerk.
• "What's your first choice?" The place that wants me.
• “What’s your back up plan?” I prefer not to think about it. But probably a cardboard box.
• "Where did you apply?" Do you really want the full list or can I save the oxygen?
• "What's your GRE score/GPA?" 1) That's personal and 2) That's not the only thing that matters.
• "Wouldn't you rather get a real job and make some money?" See, for some of us, the money isn't important.
• "You still haven't heard? That’s bad. Isn't it time to give up on grad school already?" Thanks for the vote of confidence.
• "What are you gonna do if you don't get in?" Thank you for reminding me that is a distinct possibility.
• "Why are you always SO worked up about this? It doesn't even matter!" Well it kind of matters to me but I mean, no big.
• “It could always be worse.” I know that. It could be MUCH worse. But just because it could be worse doesn’t mean I don’t get to feel bad right now.
• "So uh... what are you gonna do after grad school?" How about we cross that bridge AFTER I get decisions.
• "So when are you going to hear back?" If I knew do you think I'd be in this constant state of full on panic?
• "Did you hear that [person] got in to all his schools already?!" Sure did. And while I’m happy for them, please don’t remind me about everyone else’s results.
• "Don't worry, good students like you don't go without any offers." Um, yes they do.
• "But I mean, you're SO SMART, you're gonna get in everywhere, so just stop worrying." Because smart is clearly all that matters.
• “Aren’t you excited for graduation?” Please don’t say the g-word…
• “I’m so excited for you!” Well, that makes one of us because right now I have no reason to be excited.
• “You have to get in SOMEWHERE…” Actually that’s a common misconception.