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I never saw any of the Twilight movies (I thought they were dumb lol). My therapist knows, pretty much every word I have said on here I said to here before I joined this website. Last week we are trying to work through the situation with my best friend getting pregnant and I told her "who cares I am hopefully moving soon anyways" she asked what happens if I move make friends and then they get into a relationship or get pregnant am I going to just drop them? And I told her by that time I will have my own relationship and of course she asked what happens if I don't, and I didn't want to think about that I told her "I just have to work really hard and get into one" then she asked what if I got in one and it fails (which I don't know what's worse, being in one and it failing or not getting to be in one at all) I told her I would just work really hard to make him happy so he doesn't leave. I know it sounds stupid and dumb and I know I am beyond desperate. I just don't know how to not be. I have done the therapy thing on and off since I was in my first year of college. It helps, I like having someone to talk to and tell this stuff to but at the same time my feelings are still the same. I just don't know what to do? I'm trying to find something to do to occupy me and keep me busy so focusing on guys isn't my priority, but that's really hard. I don't know what I like and dislike, I mean most of my hobbies I started with my ex and they were 2 people things where I can't just go alone (like shooting which I love). So I don't know how I'm supposed to become this whole person? I'm also afraid that will take so long. I mean realistically I am 23 which is close to 26 and then 30 and while I know 30 isn't old... It isn't the youngest either especially to be single. How do people become whole?

How old were you when you got married?

I'm a good wife and mother.

My qualities as a wife: I am a whole person without him. I love him and I have trouble sleeping without him there (seriously, it's a pain), but I do not need him to be happy and fulfilled. I am also smart, funny, loyal, cute, cook and back, and have a great rack. I am also mean, sadistic, spiteful, and love to wallow in a good bout of schadenfreude. I don't do laundry and I have been known to throw all of the dishes out rather than wash them.

There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who cannot be whole by themselves. There's a difference between being lonely and being so desperate for a relationship that the other person has to be the source of a person's self-worth, sense of value, and reason for living. (Before you protest, Pinkseter/Corrupted Innocence, print off your statements on this thread and show them to your therapist.) Lonely people are not so desperate for a relationship that they'll do anything to be in one (your words, not mine); lonely people want a relationship, but they don't need one. Desperate people want a relationship and they really, really don't need one because a relationship based on emotional dependency is toxic.

My qualities as a mother: He made to legal adulthood in good health, no trouble with the law, with prospects for the future, and isn't (currently) a burden on society. He can balance his checkbook and find the DMV by himself. He also drives like a little old lady and can do his own laundry. He has no idea where the barber is, though. Can't win 'em all.

I popped that slime-coated ur-human out by myself. He was a bit early, but the placenta was tres cool looking. It was like a purplish, deflated basketball with veins. I could totally see the horror movie thing going on, just give it eyes and teeth. Vagina Dentata for realsies!

But. He wasn't mine, completely and totally mine. He was his own person. Sure, I taught him that there's no such thing as bad sci-fi, but he won't watch Star Trek TOS; he prefers Godzilla (good gravy, where did I go wrong?!) and he doesn't know who Surak is. I kid you not. He's got my eyes, my intelligence, and my ADHD, but he did not find Fight Club amusing and he hates math (yeah, I'd think he was switched at birth, too, but he was the only boy on the ward). I love him dearly and he loves me dearly, but he's still not mine. He's living in another state, now, and it hurts, but it's right for him.

Kids grow up. Husbands have their own lives to lead, their own work, their own friends, and their hobbies. What do desperate people do when their spouse wants to go watch the game with friends (try to tag along or, worse, provide a curfew)?

Pinkster/Corrupted Innocence (this new name is very Twilight Fan Girl), you might have great qualities that make you great (as Loric put it) husband-bait. But you have one singular quality that makes you husband-bane: desperation. You've consistently shown desperation and you've said you're desperate. Not using hyperbole to talk about being lonely and looking to change that situation, but actually desperate. If anything, your use of the word desperate is an understatement.

You are not speaking of your future man in terms of a real relationship. You're speaking of your future man in terms of an Edward and Bella and Jacob relationship. Which you probably think is romantic and wonderful and cried at the end. Edward and Bella have a horrific relationship of manipulation, co-dependency, and a mutual inability to be healthy. Jacob is even worse. Men are not stupid people and the kind of man you want for a husband (a good man who is caring, loving, and will provide for the family) is the kind of man that runs screaming, the other way, when a desperate woman starts making cow eyes at him.

Seriously. Print off this thread and your other I-want-a-relationship threads and take it to your therapist. Or send him/her a link.

This is how I do it: First, having papers organized in broad topics in my Mendeley. This helps a lot when I read a difficult paper and try to relate it back to the general ideas, or original papers in that topic. Of course, you can search for that specific term in your favorite organizer. Then I read a paper twice: once skimming to see if it has what I look for, and to get the general ideas, the second time more thorough (if needed). I made notes, and highlighted important sentences (right inside Mendeley). The last thing and the most important is to read a lot. I read at least one new paper a day. It's a good habit and you'll see that not only you learn more, you also learn faster.
Hope this helps

I would rather be the student in the relationship lol I see no cons to that that's just me

I've been married/engaged the entire time I have been in grad school and I think it's definitely "give and take" as you said. Obviously it would depend on the nature of the relationship, being in an unhealthy one can cause a lot of extra stress and drain on your ability to work well. Also, I would think that Loric's "guy-with-wife" relationship is pretty abnormal and it sounds one-sided (but then again we are only hearing one side of it). I don't think it would be a healthy relationship if one person is the "dutiful spouse" whose sole purpose is to help the other person achieve things.
 
I think that there is more than one path to happiness/productiveness and I don't think there is necessary an advantage that married people have over single people. I am happy with my current situation and I am not trying to show off nor complain about it, but here are some thoughts in case people are thinking it's all sunshine and roses in married-people-land. 
 
Here are some pros, in my opinion, in no particular order:
1. Sense of purpose. I feel like I am working on my career for more than just myself, and it's a good motivator.
2. Reduced cost. As one person says it, "Automatic 50% discount on everything" (such as rent* [but see below], car payments whatever)
3. Reduced housework because we share the chores
4. Comfort/emotional support. I always feel like I have someone supporting me and on my side. 
5. Guaranteed awesome "roommate" / never have to worry about finding a compatible one again.
 
Here are some cons, again in no particular order:
1. More responsibility -- there's more laundry to do, more food to cook, more meals to plan (and more diverse tastes to account for), more cleaning to be done, more schedules to meet (spouse's work schedule, your schedule, doctor/dentist appointments)
2. Extra costs -- even with two incomes, the cost for a single bedroom place might still be higher per person than what you normally would have to pay if you were a single student sharing a big house with 3 others, for example [but then you'll have to share with 3 others]. Also, grad programs will pay for your health care costs, but normally not your spouse's and that can be a lot for international students.
3. Finding work/things to do for your spouse -- He/She might have moved to the school with you and it might take awhile for them to find a career/job equivalent to what they left behind. This can lead to some (hopefully temporary) stress when there are extra costs but not extra income.
4. Two people to schedule for. e.g. you might work best after 11pm, but your spouse might have to get up early for work, so it's not fair for you to work all night and disrupt your spouse's schedule. Or, your chore may be cooking dinner, so with two people, that has to happened at the agreed upon time. Single students might have more freedom to choose to give up sleep, or have a late dinner, or end up working late and just choose to eat pizza that night, but with two people, you need to be considerate of the others' preferences too!
 
I think in Loric's case, the advisor is being very unfair because guy-with-wife is able to do all of the things the advisor wants but Loric cannot and the advisor is not recognizing that. But, an advisor could in theory be just as unfair to a married student. The advisor could say something like "student-without-spouse" works late into the night and gives up sleep/dinner in order to meet this deadline, why didn't you? 

By itself, I couldn't care less, but as my faculty adviser was constantly comparing everything between the two of us it was obnoxious. For example, my adviser would mention some little thing that "might help" with a project that could only be purchased from a store 3 hours away. Dutiful wife would drive out for the other guy and buy it and he'd have it, use it, etc... I wasn't offered any such assistance, had no free time to drive 3 hours there and back, and just did the project without the non-necessity.
 
Come presentation time, my adviser would beam about how guy-with-wife took the advice, got the item, and used it so cleverly for the project. Worse? 'd get the third degree for having "ignored the advice" and would be belittled and told how much my work had suffered and how much easier things would have been for me if I had listened and taken the advice and gotten the handy-dandy-tool.
 
When things like that keep happening.. (Literally.. "Why isn't your shirt pressed? Guy-with-wife's shirt is pressed today..") you notice and pretty much end up being "over it."
 
In another thread about academic completion rates, the study I was reading said that the highest cited reason people complete grad programs, aside from motivation, is "non-financial family support."  It was legitimately becoming a burden to do everything myself in comparison to my peer who had his wife to do the basics and keep down the fort while the crap was hitting the fan.

Lol I want to be a good quality wife and mother one day. I have to be respectable, not at all saying that women who take care of men's needs are bad or not able to be respected, just saying I want to get the girlfriend status before taking care of someone's needs.

No it's a drop down and you have to choose for each school whether it is "on campus" "off campus" or "with parents" 

This is how I do it: First, having papers organized in broad topics in my Mendeley. This helps a lot when I read a difficult paper and try to relate it back to the general ideas, or original papers in that topic. Of course, you can search for that specific term in your favorite organizer. Then I read a paper twice: once skimming to see if it has what I look for, and to get the general ideas, the second time more thorough (if needed). I made notes, and highlighted important sentences (right inside Mendeley). The last thing and the most important is to read a lot. I read at least one new paper a day. It's a good habit and you'll see that not only you learn more, you also learn faster.
Hope this helps

I have been practicing for the GRE since November, with a target test date in February, but the concepts aren't sinking in, and putting life on hold to master it is not worth doing. I'm not convinced at all of its correlation to success in graduate school, and find it ridiculous that both test materials and the exam itself are sold at such astronomical prices. I spoke with an adviser at Columbia who flat-out dismissed the exam's relevance in their evaluation of a student's abilities in their MA program. The trickily worded math and tangential platitudes of the analytical writing section are torturous, and I wonder if anyone on this forum has been successful in dodging this elaborate, money-making scam that ETS has come up with to line their pockets? It would be beneficial if ETS admitted that the GRE's purpose is to assist certain universities in denying higher education to segments of society in lieu of the economy being in the dumps and people wanting to go back to school to make themselves more marketable.
 
 

... I didn't down vote you. I had no reason to, you weren't rude or anything. I'm willing to listen to the advice but I also have to consider other things.

I'm sorry if I did down vote you because I don't remember. I'm sure nothing you said was that bad compared to other things I have heard.   
 
Lisa: I am freaking out I mean it wouldn't be smart of me to really look at places yet though right? I don't even know that I got into schools? I have looked on zillow at places and I know the areas in each place that I want to live and the price ranges but I am really afraid of jinxing myself. 

What post are you talking about? I can tell you if I did or didn't. I'm pretty sure I didn't. If i did then sorry but there was probably a reason why. Like I said if I did I don't remember. I have down voted a ton but I honestly don't remember you saying anything super rude or mean that made me down vote you

I agree that timelines really depend on the location. Right now, I live in a very non-college town (students probably make up less than 3% of the population) so other than the areas immediately adjacent to campus, the rental market is like any other "regular" town. We have been following the rental listings all year because we are looking to move if there is a good option and it's very rare to be able to find a place more than a few weeks in advance. In California, the law is 30 days notice to vacate, so at the earliest, you will see something up for 1 month from now. But most places will want you to move in much sooner than 1 month!
 
We did fly out to pick out an apartment about 4-5 weeks before our move-in and we were almost too early. Luckily, while responding to a "move in ASAP" ad, the landlord told us that they actually have another tenant who is planning on leaving by September 1, so we were lucky to be able to sign a lease to begin Sept 1 when we visited (about August 1). It really looked like we would have to sign a lease to begin in August and pay double rent for awhile!
 
Alternatively, there are other places where the market is almost the opposite. In another town we moved to in the past, students make up almost 40% of the population and the law was 60 days notice to vacate. For all of the decent, well upkept properties in town, they are almost immediately snatched up within a few days of being available. In that place, we signed our August 1 lease back on June 1 or so. When we moved away, the landlord notified us that someone else has already agreed to take our apartment within 4-5 days of us giving our 60 days notice (which was great, since we would not be disrupted by them showing potential tenants around our place). 
 
For people who are able to get paid visits to their schools, I strongly suggest spending some of that visit time talking to students about housing. If you plan to live off-campus, spend some of the time walking around and getting to know the neighbourhoods so that when you look at ads later, you know how the area feels. You can and should ask students where they live so you know which areas are safe etc. Also, see if you need to sign up for any on-campus housing stuff earlier. Some of these places have applications that open in March or April. At my current school, there is a first-come first-served waitlist for off-campus unfurnished campus owned housing and you're allowed to put your name on the list as soon as you are accepted (you don't even have to accept their offer yet). So, once a school accepts you, look into all of this and put your names on any waitlists or sign up lists that you are able to. You can always take your name off the list if you decide that you don't want that housing option.

Never thought of that.
I do have a small income so I could put some money aside now, I think my parents would also be very helpful, even though I don't want to be dependent on them.

Thank you it is good to know that even if grad school doesn't happen immediately there are ways I can find work out of this area and move.  It is still my goal to go to grad school but if it doesn't happen next year I can still progress my life. 

I'm getting freaked out, I don't have that.  How am I going to do this? 

I get it, I do have a car, all the places I applied I have the ability to drive to, my parents would also help me physically move. I knew that moving wouldn't be free but I don't think I thought about how much everything would cost.  I knew my parents would help, I also knew I would have a small stash but it all just seems like a lot.  I am not going to super worry about it though until I find out if I got into any other programs though.  I can't stress myself out. 

The farthest is 5 hours and I looked at a few places there and if you live on the outskirts of the city rent is about 500-600.  There is also an apartment there that is right near the campus and fully furnished and with a roommate it is about 400 a month (400 for each person). I have done a little bit of research probably not enough, but I am afraid of jinxing myself. If I plan too much or get too excited I won't get in.  A few of the other schools I applied to I know people who go there or live nearby so they can help, and even possibly be a roommate.

I don't view all single people as lonely I guess. I mean I mentioned an aunt who is in her 50s and single and I went out with her recently and she has a ton of friends she goes to these bars and plays cards and I mean she knows everyone! That's awesome but I personally know how I feel being single at the moment and it sucks. It's a death sentence to me. Then seeing everyone else around me getting pregnant or engaged, I just found out another girl I graduated HS with is pregnant by her fiance. I mean I have family and friends but it's not enough, they can't provide that love and other stuff that a significant other can. I love that feeling of being wanted and it makes me feel confident and good knowing that I am in a relationship, someone actually wants to be with me and spend their time with me and they think I'm pretty or funny or whatever I love that. I need that. I also just like regular sex... Just being honest.

Anyways I can't see myself staying in this area no matter what so if I don't go to grad school I think I am going to try to move out of state and find a job. Either way I guess I have to make new friends and I think I can do that. I'm friendly.

I'm sure that we have all read those comments.. I also explained myself after and I'm pretty sure ip apologized. I'm not going to apologize forever. It isn't about compassion, why did that situation warrant compassion? He was in a relationship and his girlfriend was pregnant.. There is not sad about that so I don't see why it deserved compassion? Even empathy? I mean I don't know I have never been pregnant or in a long term relationship but I'm sure if I was I certainly wouldn't be complaining.

Like I said numerous times I am not going to school solely to find a husband, it would be ideal for it to happen while in school though since I will be around more people than I will be in my usual life. You can say what you want but I'm going back to school for social work whether it is this Fall or the following or the following (god forbid). It is happening.
I feel like no one gets it, if I wasn't doing this program I would do another one and I would still hope to find a significant other in one. Any job I get I hope I find a significant other while doing it. I want to find a significant other in general so everything I do from now until me finding him is somewhat motivated by finding someone. I mean who wants to go through life alone? I certainly don't and I'm not going to apologize for wanting a family too. My therapist had 2 kids and a husband before she even considered school, and then she went to school because her kids playmates mom was going to school and she felt left out. People have different reasons for school and their passions and I'm sorry you don't agree with mine or understand but I want it all. Including a husband and children while I am youngish, and a career. School is like killing 2 birthday with 1 stone, I am constantly in the position to meet people and make friends and establish relationships and I get to leave with a degree that will start a career that I really want.

Ok I have been accepted into a program already so I am going no matter what. In private practice which is my ultimate goal you do get to pick and research the person you go to. I know because in my time in counseling I did my research about who I would go to what their specialties were and everything else. So it is possible to research, that is what I meant. Ideally I won't work for a state agency, that isn't necessarily my goal. I already have one degree so computer science is not possible because I'm not going back to school for another undergrad degree, I don't like animals much so I won't be going that route. I am going to do exactly what I am doing now... Waiting for acceptances or rejections and if it falls through I will go find some work or volunteer work and then try again. I don't think I am this awful person or this super emotionally fragile person. I can handle this job. It's not wrong to desperately want a family and once I have it if will be even better. I mentioned my best friend is pregnant and as much as I dislike the situation I can't not be her friend. I just have to fake my emotions. I'm sure I can do that for this career, or be happy with my husband and family. I think if I'm accepted and go through a program I can figure my life out I can change or grow up and mature. I am just 23 and it isn't as if I don't WANT to change, or I'm not trying. I am still doing the therapy thing, I'm dating so I'm trying really hard to get to a happy place. It's too late now I applied and if I don't get accepted anywhere else I will figure my situation out.

I'm sorry you're worried. I'm still going to pursue the career. I don't know what soul searching for another year would really do. I think I can do well in this program. I think it gives me a chance to learn about myself and I think it will be fine. I would think anyone who goes to therapy would research the person before they go to them. I have the ability to help people even if I totally disagree with their situation. My problem is when it comes to me comparing their life to my own but obviously that wouldn't happen in front of them. They wouldn't know. Anyways who knows maybe after this 2 years is up I will be a totally different person, maybe even a person who is in a serious relationship/ married:)


As far as the move I think I can totally do this! I think if I don't get into any other programs I might just look for a job out of state. I just don't know how I would go about moving to another state. I'm kind of depending on the cushion of student loans to help with moving away. I'm sure this situation will work itself out.

Pinkster, please don't take this the wrong way, but I've been reading through your posts for sometime now. You're applying to social work programs, but you seem pretty unstable. You're dependent, you're very obsessed with "belonging" through relationships or otherwise. Neither of which is wise.
 
 
Maybe you shouldn't go into a field where people would need to rely on YOU rather than the other way around... it sounds very, very dangerous for you future clients.. lives could literally be lost should you make a poor call. You noted how you're jealous of your friends going into the workforce, and their lifestyle..maybe you might want to do the same? See how you like it?
 
Just my .02.
 
As for the thread topic, you adapt just like anyone going to medical school, pharmacy school, nursing school, PA school, dental school, moving to a new high school, transferring to a new university, a new job offer or simply moving for the sake of moving. Imagine if someone moved from a different country like the poster above.. 
 
With proper confidence and discipline, I think you'll do absolutely great. However, I think you need to reconsider graduate school for maybe just a semester or a year. Perhaps you could work to save up money? Maybe travel and do some soul searching? 
 
You don't know how to pick out soap detergent at 23? You want to become a social worker. Lives will be in your hands.
 
idk.. I have now become VERY wary of social workers from reading your posts. I will now be extensively researching any social workers and their programs that may come into my family's life..
 
I worry. I worry for your programs. I worry for you. I worry for the innocent people involved.