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Finding a husband in graduate school.


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So I have to admit that as excited as I am to be applying to graduate school for social work a lot of my focus is on the idea of finding a serious relationship while in school.  I am 22 and looking to start my MSW program in the Fall 14, I graduated from college and thought that I would meet someone then, I didn't.  Now I am 22 and single and haven't really had a serious relationship, while all my friends are getting engaged and having kids, I just want that.  I want my graduate degree too for sure but I want a relationship.  Here is the thing, I am only applying to programs far from home (University of Kentucky, OSU, and University of Pitt) which will put me in a new place and force me to get to know people and make friends. I am afraid, what if I don't make friends or meet someone.  A friend of mine went to Western Kentucky and said he met his gf when she was getting her Masters in Clinical Psych and he was in Engineering. I am just freaking out on so many levels, on top of all that I have a disability and that kind of makes dating much harder because I don't fully feel confident.  Any personal experiences? How can I leave grad school with not only a Masters but a MRS. Degree too? :) 

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I'm a good wife and mother. My qualities as a wife: I am a whole person without him. I love him and I have trouble sleeping without him there (seriously, it's a pain), but I do not need him to be hap

False. A lot of people who posted (myself included) were NOT in "a relationship at 23." People have given you PLENTY of great advice on this thread (and the other one that you've been posting in), and

Really? Ok but you're a guy (I assume, from the username) so you have forever and a day to meet someone and have kids and stuff. You have no limit on your time to reproduce or anything whereas I'm 23

You will be very busy as a graduate student. I'm not sure how much free time you will have to date - there may be some free time but certainly not a lot. You probably already know that the vast majority of people in social work are women so you would probably need to expand your horizons outside of your program. Are you sure you want to do this degree at this time in your life? Doing a master's degree is a lot of work and you may be disapointed when you discover how little free time you'll have for dating and courtship. Developing a relationship to the point of marriage typically takes time (a few years for most people, but there are exceptions for sure), so if your primary focus is to find a future husband perhaps you should entertain the idea of whether or not you'd want to do your degree after you are married or when you are engaged.

Edited by jenste
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The thing is I know I want to get into this field no matter what and I have to do it now, I mean realistically if I don't I have no idea what I would be doing this time next year because I can't really find anything with my undergrad degree.  I know it is predominately women which kind of sucks lol but I feel like I will just be forced to make friends and get out there.  I just don't know what will happen to me if I don't try.. That probably makes no sense.  If I don't find someone in grad school then what? I am going to enter into the real world, having to work and then how will I have time to date? So to me it is kind of now or never.  

Edited by Pinkster12
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I would say that you need to be very honest with yourself: what is your primary reason for wanting to go to grad school? If it is to meet the right man, you must be ready to face the reality of the possibility of not meeting him.  If you don't meet him, would you be gravely disappointed to the point where it affects your performance in grad school? If you are okay with the possibility of not meeting anyone, but open to the idea of meeting someone, then I would say go for it.  However, if you are more concerned about meeting someone, I would advice not to go to grad school mainly for that reason.  From experience, I can tell you that few people meet their future partners in grad school (I don't have statistical information for this, but I believe it's a rarity - I'm sure that depends on the school and program as well).

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I'm just going to be blunt with you. If that's a priority, even a low ranking one, you should reconsider graduate school. School should be about improving yourself. While you will meet new people and form new connections, you should not be jumping into any romantic conclusions. If it does happen for you, then great! But don't be actively seeking it. If you're in a program to manhunt, I'm sorry but your spot in that program should go to someone else.

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I have worked full time for a number of years and I am currently a grad student. Without a doubt, a fulltime job is less time consuming than being a grad student (with the exception of professions that require you to take your work home with you, such as lawyers or entrepreneurs).

 

I would have to agree with Today12345... Would you be disappinted if you went to school and didn't meet a future husband? You will be spending a lot of money on your studies (and a lot of time, hopefully, if you intend to pass all of your courses) and I sense that you might be very disappointed if you ended up with a good job after 2 years, in debt in the 10's of thousands, and still no husband. Would grad school still be worth if this ended up happening to you?

 

Is an MSW something you really want to do? Or is it something you've chosen because you need to find a way to occupy your time until you get married and become a housewife?

 

I am not knocking down becoming a housewife. If this is what you want to do, that's wonderful. I just want to emphasize that grad school is a lot of work and maybe you should consider taking an easier (and far less expensive) challenge at this time in your life if your main priority in life is to find a husband.

 

The thing is I know I want to get into this field no matter what and I have to do it now, I mean realistically if I don't I have no idea what I would be doing this time next year because I can't really find anything with my undergrad degree.  I know it is predominately women which kind of sucks lol but I feel like I will just be forced to make friends and get out there.  I just don't know what will happen to me if I don't try.. That probably makes no sense.  If I don't find someone in grad school then what? I am going to enter into the real world, having to work and then how will I have time to date? So to me it is kind of now or never.  

Edited by jenste
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I definitely have thought about what happens if I don't meet someone in grad school.. But I still want to go. I would be really devastated not meeting someone though. I mean I feel like past college there is no way to meet guys or people in general... You can at work but dating at work is frowned on. I figure going out of state and moving into an apartment with a roommate hopefully they will be cool and I can use them as a tool meet guys also.

In the end I know I want to go into social work, I know what field and everything but I feel like finding a serious relationship while there wouldn't hurt. I'm 22 almost 23 and not getting any younger. I was in the MSW forum and there are women in there who are my age and married or engaged and their fiancé pays for their school. At this point I need to have a serious relationship. 22 and never having a serious relationship is weird and bad. So in a way I do think I am going to school for that. I went to college for that, I still did great... I didn't find a husband or bf but I got a degree. It seems weird and dumb but I just know I want to get married and have a family and social work isn't a field that is constantly 24 hour work like a doctor or lawyer. Don't get me wrong I know it is a lot of work but it isn't like law or being a doctor, you can have a family and do it. My therapist is an LISW and had her kid at 17 and got married at 20 hs another at 22 and finished her Masters when her kid was like 5. So if isn't impossible. I can't explain it, I don't think not finding someone will affect me so badly that my grades would slip or anything. I would be bummed but I can maintain my school work.

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The OP isn't saying that they want to go to grad school solely to meet a future spouse, right? To me, the post reads as someone who is concerned about meeting a future spouse while in grad school. More generally, worrying about how grad school may affect the non-academic parts of our lives is a legitimate graduate student concern!

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing to go to grad school for other reasons in addition to academic ones. I think it's even okay to have non-academic reasons to have similar priority to academic reasons. For example, my wife and I have thought about starting a family while I'm in grad school. So, when we were deciding where I should go, we picked the program on lots of non-academic reasons (close to family, good stipend, good health insurance, childcare benefits, safe environment, multicultural city, nice weather, etc. etc.). Most people would agree that these are all important factors to consider when picking a school. And, I don't really see a huge difference between any of the factors I picked and something like "potential to find a spouse" (e.g. picking a big city). 

 

Graduate students should not be expected to, nor should they need to put their personal lives on hold while they get their graduate training. I'm not saying it's a bad thing when people choose to focus solely on school/work while in a graduate program. However, if you don't want to do this, you should not have to, and I don't think it's fair for people to say things that imply one does not belong in graduate school/academia if one has non-academic priorities. The only factor that matters is whether or not the applicant wants to go to grad school / believes it's the best course of action for them.

 

To answer the OP's other question about experiences with dating in grad school. I started grad school with a significant other and for most couples I meet with one (or both) partners in grad school, they usually had begun their relationship before grad school. But I also know plenty of couples that begin relationships while both partners were in grad school, or one person in grad school and the other not. Grad school is definitely time-consuming, but it's not time-consuming to the point where the only thing you can spend time on is school. Granted, I don't know the workload of a MSW program, and it might be way more intense because it's a shorter program than a PhD. I think that with good time management skills, grad students can definitely find time to date, to spend time with their spouses, to raise a family, to play on a competitive sports team, to volunteer in the community, etc. (obviously not all of these at once!).

 

Grad school can easily take up all of your time if you let it, or if you want it to. You have to make time for your own activities if you want to have time to do other things.It's not necessary to always put school as your priority. There will be times where you will have no choice but to buckle down and get the work/studying done, but it's important for me to have balance and other interests/priorities as well. 

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In the end I know I want to go into social work, I know what field and everything but I feel like finding a serious relationship while there wouldn't hurt. I'm 22 almost 23 and not getting any younger. I was in the MSW forum and there are women in there who are my age and married or engaged and their fiancé pays for their school. At this point I need to have a serious relationship. 22 and never having a serious relationship is weird and bad. 

 

Haha, no it's not weird and bad. There are plenty of 22 year olds (like me!) who are very far from engaged or married. I'm just saying... there's no hurry. I literally just hurried into a relationship and now I'm kind of reevaluating it right now. I think I did it just so I could check that off my list... "one serious relationship; check". 

I can understand wanting to be in a relationship; go for it - but don't compare yourself to others or feel like you're behind. The former never helps and the latter isn't true. 

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Well I'll disagree with a few of the others. There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner and it's completely natural. Make sure you participate in groups on campus - you'll need to do that anyway - and you'll be sure to meet people. There will be guys there, too. Keep it casual; if you're dating guys your age it's unlikely marriage and babies are around the corner. There's no rush dear. You have plenty of years to let men run you crazy, LOL. They aren't going anywhere. But you don't have to shut off your romantic life to go to school.

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Lol I know but I mean I didn't meet anyone in undergrad.  

I can get a graduate degree and a hubby.  I feel like school is a great way to meet a potential husband 

If it didn't work out for you in undergrad, there's no guarantee it will in grad. I think you're overestimating the amount of social time you'll have in grad school. One of your reasons for grad school is because you won't have enough time in a career to meet people. I think this is the opposite of what is true. Aside from being a doctor or lawyer, which you mentioned, most jobs have a lot of free time. I had a career for a couple years in two different fields before starting my undergrad. I was a journalist in the military and then a construction worker (Union painter). I worked 8 am to 4 pm five days a week. I had every evening and every weekend to date. Since I started college my schedule has been so varied and chaotic. I spend weekends studying, I barely sleep at night, and the little bit of free time I get I want to just relax, watch a movie, grab a beer, and get as far away from other human beings as possible. 

Edited by JoeyBoy718
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Idk I mean I know it seems unrealistic but I know one person who met their SO in grad school and they have been together 3 years and will probably get married. I just want to be like that. There's no guarentee in a job I will find someone because I will be working so much but in grad school I will have classes with other people, and I can sit in the library, I will hopefully have a roommate who can introduce me to guys idk. I was sheltered in undergrad and I just had issues where I felt like I couldn't meet someone. Going to grad school is my chance to leave the state and have a fresh start meeting new people, specifically guys.

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There's no guarentee in a job I will find someone because I will be working so much but in grad school I will have classes with other people, and I can sit in the library, I will hopefully have a roommate who can introduce me to guys idk.

I don't think I've ever seen someone get picked up at the library. You'd have a better chance hanging out at Barnes & Noble. 

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If you are very efficient with your time and if you are a quick worker, then you should have some time to date. As for me and other students with similar work patterns (I'm not the fastest reader and need to take lots of little breaks throughout the day - which makes my work days longer), I don't have lots of free time. When I worked and didn't go to school, I used to go to the gym 4-5 days a week and make healthy, homecooked meals from scratch every day. Now that I'm a grad student, I only have the time and energy to cook a big batch of meals once a week which I freeze and rely on sandwiches, salads and other quick meals, and some days there's no time for the gym. I had a couple of all nighters last month and expect about 3 more in November.

 

Many students in my program have said they are cutting out their social life in the month of November because it's the busiest time of the year. We're looking forward to a big party in 4 weeks when we can finally take a day off to relax and celebrate the end of the term.

 

If you are very self-disciplined and efficient with your time you can find time for dating. It all depends on how fast you can read, research and write papers - that will determine how much free time you have.

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Personally, I feel like grad school is not the easiest of places to meet SOs.  Primarily, this is because much like many of your other friends, a lot of grad students I know are in committed relationships.  Unlike undergrad, at least to me, a lot of the social gatherings feel more like networking opportunities than pick-up spots.  These two things combine to make finding a SO also in grad school difficult.  And as a grad student, it is difficult to meet people outside of school.  For one thing, no matter how good at time management you are, you only have limited time to commit to a relationship.  Add on top of that the perception of grad students in the outside dating game, and finding a non-grad student SO is also difficult.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that grad school, unlike undergrad, is not an ideal place to find a relationship.

 

That being said, it is certainly possible.  Like anything, you need to prioritize it.  As some other people have suggested, make sure you go to group social activities.  Don't be afraid to let friends know you are interested.  It can be really difficult in grad school to distinguish who is interested in dating and who just wants to be left alone.  Finally, I'll suggest something that I don't think anyone else has mentioned: online dating.  Gasp, I know.  But this is an efficient way to streamline some of the randomness that you perhaps don't have time to deal with.  You probably want to try and minimize the amount of random dating you do, since it takes a lot of time.  Online dating "can" help you narrow down what dates are worth going on and broaden your social network if done correctly.  Of course, it can also be a huge waste of time.

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Personally, I feel like grad school is not the easiest of places to meet SOs.  Primarily, this is because much like many of your other friends, a lot of grad students I know are in committed relationships.  Unlike undergrad, at least to me, a lot of the social gatherings feel more like networking opportunities than pick-up spots.  These two things combine to make finding a SO also in grad school difficult.  And as a grad student, it is difficult to meet people outside of school.  For one thing, no matter how good at time management you are, you only have limited time to commit to a relationship.  Add on top of that the perception of grad students in the outside dating game, and finding a non-grad student SO is also difficult.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that grad school, unlike undergrad, is not an ideal place to find a relationship.

 

That being said, it is certainly possible.  Like anything, you need to prioritize it.  As some other people have suggested, make sure you go to group social activities.  Don't be afraid to let friends know you are interested.  It can be really difficult in grad school to distinguish who is interested in dating and who just wants to be left alone.  Finally, I'll suggest something that I don't think anyone else has mentioned: online dating.  Gasp, I know.  But this is an efficient way to streamline some of the randomness that you perhaps don't have time to deal with.  You probably want to try and minimize the amount of random dating you do, since it takes a lot of time.  Online dating "can" help you narrow down what dates are worth going on and broaden your social network if done correctly.  Of course, it can also be a huge waste of time.

I online date a lot now which I feel like is a good tool so if I get accepted to an out of state school it would be good I think.  New people, stuff like that.

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Idk I mean I know it seems unrealistic but I know one person who met their SO in grad school and they have been together 3 years and will probably get married. I just want to be like that.
 
I know people who have met their spouses in undergrad, at work, at bars, online, in social groups, in Greek organizations, in volunteer organizations...there are a billion ways to meet someone else.  Just because someone else met their SO in grad school doesn't mean you will have the same experience, especially in a female dominated field.  Also remember that most people do not go to grad school, but somehow most people get married.  Obviously there are other ways to meet a partner.
 
There's no guarentee in a job I will find someone because I will be working so much but in grad school I will have classes with other people, and I can sit in the library
 
I think you have two misconceptions about the way dating (and life) works after college: one, that you will have more free time in grad school, and two, that relationships happen as easily post-college as they do in college.  Let me disabuse you of those both right now.
 
As others have mentioned you will actually have LESS free time as a grad student than as a working adult.  In a 9-5 you work from well, 9 to 5.  After that your time is yours, and you have all days on the weekends and the evenings to yourself (how glorious!).  Even if you worked 9 to 7 you still have evenings after 7 and weekends.  That is NOT the case in grad school.  One of my MSW friends literally works from 10 to 10 most days, between classes, fieldwork, and studying.  I think she takes Fridays "off" to have to herself, but she also does some work on the weekends (writing papers, studying, etc.)
 
You have LESS free time in grad school than you have in a regular 40-50 hour a week job.  I have friends who work full time now and they are always asking me to hang out on the weekends and in the evenings and I'm like "Sorry guys, I have to write a paper" or "Sorry guys, I'm teaching a late night class" or "Sorry guys, studying for quals" (in years 3 or 4).

Notion 2: In college, friendships are easy.  Everyone's looking for friends!  You can sit with someone randomly in the library or the caf and start a deep conversation about Proust.  You can stop by your friend's dorm room for a chat.  You can call your biology labmate at 2 am, knowing she's also still awake, and chill or commiserate.  And college students are also usually on the prowl for romantic relationships, so all of those things can happen in romantic contexts, too.  You also may constantly run into your friends and plan spontaneous fun - let's go out tonight!  Let's go grab a coffee right now!  Come over to my dorm room in 15 minutes!
 
"Real life," unfortunately, does not work like that.  In grad school, I've never had anyone walk over to me in the library while I was studying unless they already knew me.  I have to *schedule* every social engagement I have with my friends, sometimes a week in advance, even if it's just getting lunch or coffee because we have busy lives and don't necessarily live near each other.  "Spontaneous" means we planned it a day or two before.  My calendar looks like a rainbow threw up on it.  And much the same for romantic relationships, at this point you have to make concerted efforts to meet people.  I mean, certainly, some people just spontaneously meet in a coffee shop or at a bar or whatever.  But even people who meet "spontaneously" have often made time in their social lives to go out and try to meet people - they schedule in that party, that mixer, that social group, that alumni area meeting.  It's not like you're gonna sit in the library and the perfect person for you is going to walk up and ask you out (I mean, it's possible, but much less likely post-undergrad).  Your roommate may be able to introduce you to some people, but likely your roommate will also be a busy grad student or young professional who won't be introducing you to a constant stream of people.  Your classmates are also older, and many of them will already be in relationships, or not interested in dating, or in other complicated social arrangements that don't lend themselves to availability.  I'm in a PhD program; I was one of the youngest people in my program at 22, and I would say 60-70% of us were already partnered when we came in.
 
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that you can't have a social life or meet people in grad school.  You can, and I do know several people (including one of my best friends who just got engaged) who have met long-term partners in their grad programs.  But it's harder, and you have less free time.  You have to make the effort - you have to make time, you have to put yourself out there, you have to go to mixers and socials, just the same as if you were working full time.  Even if you harbor romantic fantasies of meeting someone in a bookstore over a warm coffee and your favorite new novel, you still have put yourself in the bookstore for that to work.  But if you're doing fieldwork 3x a week for 8 hours a day and then you have papers and test to write and study for in between, it can be hard to make time for that.
 
If you work 9-5, you can be at the bookstore by 5:30 if you want.
 
If you are 22, please relax, lol.  I'm 27, and I got married when I was 26.  You don't realize how young 22 is until you're not 22 anymore, but you have PLENTY of time to meet someone and get married.  The average age of marriage these days is 26 for women (and 28 for men).  There are a lot of highly educated women getting married in their early 30s and even later.  You have time.  You ain't dead yet.
 
It seems to me like you want to get an MSW because you want to actually be a social worker, and I agree with TakeruK that social and personal reasons are just as valid and important as professional and academic reasons in selecting a graduate school.  You need to be happy.
 

The way to meet people in grad school is to get active.  Go to graduate student mixers (there's usually a grad student social group, or several of them, that plan these).  Go out into the city in which your university is and go to bars or join social groups (e.g., I joined a social sports league and played kickball on a team to meet friends!)  Stay connected to the things you love and you'll meet other people who like them - play in an orchestra, join a running group, go to Toastmasters, hang out in lounges and bars.  And don't go into every relationship thinking "Is he/she the one?" because you put way too much pressure on yourself, on your partner and on the relationship.  You just want to say "I wonder if I like this person."  Then "Hmm, I wonder if I like this person enough to last through all the things I can't stand about them."  Once you get past those stages then it's like "Hmm, maybe we could build something really long term?"  It's iterative, it takes time.  What if you don't meet someone until 12 or 18 months in?  You don't want to put pressure on you and them to try to get married in the next 6-12 months, so take it easy and realize that your life and prospects for marriage are not over once you are out of grad school.

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Idk I mean I know it seems unrealistic but I know one person who met their SO in grad school and they have been together 3 years and will probably get married. I just want to be like that.
 
I know people who have met their spouses in undergrad, at work, at bars, online, in social groups, in Greek organizations, in volunteer organizations...there are a billion ways to meet someone else.  Just because someone else met their SO in grad school doesn't mean you will have the same experience, especially in a female dominated field.  Also remember that most people do not go to grad school, but somehow most people get married.  Obviously there are other ways to meet a partner.
 
There's no guarentee in a job I will find someone because I will be working so much but in grad school I will have classes with other people, and I can sit in the library
 
I think you have two misconceptions about the way dating (and life) works after college: one, that you will have more free time in grad school, and two, that relationships happen as easily post-college as they do in college.  Let me disabuse you of those both right now.
 
As others have mentioned you will actually have LESS free time as a grad student than as a working adult.  In a 9-5 you work from well, 9 to 5.  After that your time is yours, and you have all days on the weekends and the evenings to yourself (how glorious!).  Even if you worked 9 to 7 you still have evenings after 7 and weekends.  That is NOT the case in grad school.  One of my MSW friends literally works from 10 to 10 most days, between classes, fieldwork, and studying.  I think she takes Fridays "off" to have to herself, but she also does some work on the weekends (writing papers, studying, etc.)
 
You have LESS free time in grad school than you have in a regular 40-50 hour a week job.  I have friends who work full time now and they are always asking me to hang out on the weekends and in the evenings and I'm like "Sorry guys, I have to write a paper" or "Sorry guys, I'm teaching a late night class" or "Sorry guys, studying for quals" (in years 3 or 4).

Notion 2: In college, friendships are easy.  Everyone's looking for friends!  You can sit with someone randomly in the library or the caf and start a deep conversation about Proust.  You can stop by your friend's dorm room for a chat.  You can call your biology labmate at 2 am, knowing she's also still awake, and chill or commiserate.  And college students are also usually on the prowl for romantic relationships, so all of those things can happen in romantic contexts, too.  You also may constantly run into your friends and plan spontaneous fun - let's go out tonight!  Let's go grab a coffee right now!  Come over to my dorm room in 15 minutes!

 
"Real life," unfortunately, does not work like that.  In grad school, I've never had anyone walk over to me in the library while I was studying unless they already knew me.  I have to *schedule* every social engagement I have with my friends, sometimes a week in advance, even if it's just getting lunch or coffee because we have busy lives and don't necessarily live near each other.  "Spontaneous" means we planned it a day or two before.  My calendar looks like a rainbow threw up on it.  And much the same for romantic relationships, at this point you have to make concerted efforts to meet people.  I mean, certainly, some people just spontaneously meet in a coffee shop or at a bar or whatever.  But even people who meet "spontaneously" have often made time in their social lives to go out and try to meet people - they schedule in that party, that mixer, that social group, that alumni area meeting.  It's not like you're gonna sit in the library and the perfect person for you is going to walk up and ask you out (I mean, it's possible, but much less likely post-undergrad).  Your roommate may be able to introduce you to some people, but likely your roommate will also be a busy grad student or young professional who won't be introducing you to a constant stream of people.  Your classmates are also older, and many of them will already be in relationships, or not interested in dating, or in other complicated social arrangements that don't lend themselves to availability.  I'm in a PhD program; I was one of the youngest people in my program at 22, and I would say 60-70% of us were already partnered when we came in.
 
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that you can't have a social life or meet people in grad school.  You can, and I do know several people (including one of my best friends who just got engaged) who have met long-term partners in their grad programs.  But it's harder, and you have less free time.  You have to make the effort - you have to make time, you have to put yourself out there, you have to go to mixers and socials, just the same as if you were working full time.  Even if you harbor romantic fantasies of meeting someone in a bookstore over a warm coffee and your favorite new novel, you still have put yourself in the bookstore for that to work.  But if you're doing fieldwork 3x a week for 8 hours a day and then you have papers and test to write and study for in between, it can be hard to make time for that.
 
If you work 9-5, you can be at the bookstore by 5:30 if you want.
 
If you are 22, please relax, lol.  I'm 27, and I got married when I was 26.  You don't realize how young 22 is until you're not 22 anymore, but you have PLENTY of time to meet someone and get married.  The average age of marriage these days is 26 for women (and 28 for men).  There are a lot of highly educated women getting married in their early 30s and even later.  You have time.  You ain't dead yet.
 
It seems to me like you want to get an MSW because you want to actually be a social worker, and I agree with TakeruK that social and personal reasons are just as valid and important as professional and academic reasons in selecting a graduate school.  You need to be happy.
 

The way to meet people in grad school is to get active.  Go to graduate student mixers (there's usually a grad student social group, or several of them, that plan these).  Go out into the city in which your university is and go to bars or join social groups (e.g., I joined a social sports league and played kickball on a team to meet friends!)  Stay connected to the things you love and you'll meet other people who like them - play in an orchestra, join a running group, go to Toastmasters, hang out in lounges and bars.  And don't go into every relationship thinking "Is he/she the one?" because you put way too much pressure on yourself, on your partner and on the relationship.  You just want to say "I wonder if I like this person."  Then "Hmm, I wonder if I like this person enough to last through all the things I can't stand about them."  Once you get past those stages then it's like "Hmm, maybe we could build something really long term?"  It's iterative, it takes time.  What if you don't meet someone until 12 or 18 months in?  You don't want to put pressure on you and them to try to get married in the next 6-12 months, so take it easy and realize that your life and prospects for marriage are not over once you are out of grad school.

 

I just feel like in undergrad I didn't really take advantage of potential dating, I was insecure I couldn't talk to people (I still struggle with that) I lived at home so it wasn't like I was in a dorm and constantly meeting people.  Ideally I will get accepted into the University of Kentucky and move there from Ohio.  I will find an apartment (hopefully with a roommate even though I have no idea how to go about this) and then I will be on my own and meet people and hang out at bars even if I have to go alone after class.. I just don't know what will happen if I don't meet someone soon.  I mean college is the time to meet someone and I didn't so now I am going back to grad school and it is my second chance to meet someone if I don't i have no idea what I am going to do.  I mean I am 22 almost 23 but by 23 most people are coupled up I mean you said you got married at 26 but you were likely with your SO for longer right? You probably met them around my age. To me it is like now or never because who wants to be 30 and single with no prospects and no kids? I am 22 and haven't even had a serious relationship so if it is going to happen it needs to happen now and I can't think of another way other than a mix of going away to grad school and online dating. 

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