Issue Writing

[Tamim Ahmed]

Hello everyone, 

I have struggled so much with my writing in English. When I take GRE  last time, I got 3 in the AWA section. I read so many sample responses about writings for the last few weeks. Here's one of my writing after reading about so many materials. It would be very helpful if somebody please go through my writing and comment on how much I will get in the real exam and provide necessary suggestions or improvements.

 

Issue:
The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.

Response:
The perceptions of human minds change with the light of education. From the beginning of life, people have different views about rules and cultures of the society. With the power of education, the world is viewed from the same as before but with different perspectives. For instance, the world seems flat for a child, but after few years of education, curious minds seem to learn about the galaxy and think that it is, in fact, round and moving around the sun. Moreover, people learn that for complex mathematical calculations, which would take millions of years to find the result are actually solvable within a few seconds using just a computer. Education teaches to judge about the norms and rules of the society and perform the inconceivable matters in the world.

Firstly, science has been progressed so much that people traveled through the galaxy more efficiently than ever. For example, at the beginning of 19th century, moving through space was unimaginable. However, in 1969, Neil Armstrong and his team landed on the moon, which alters the concepts of most people around the world. Moreover, mathematicians used to pass several years to find a solution to a problem. Nevertheless, most complex calculations are done by the computer, which operates very fast and provides the result in a short time which was inconceivable before. Besides, in industry, products are produced in a sophisticated machine, which is the result of hard-work of engineers. 

Furthermore, education helps us to differentiate between the right and wrong of the society. For example, for many years 'suttee' was performed in Hindu religion, where a woman was burned alive with the dead husband, and then, it was prohibited by some intellectuals, like Ishwar Chandra Vidya Sagar, a writer of the Indian subcontinent. Besides, women empowerment was not available in many cultures of the world. But by proving the society wrong, women have shown that they are not only for doing household works; in fact, they have become competitors of men, and they can rely on themselves.

Considering all ideas, people come to the world and learn from the society about the truths. However, education reshapes one's mind and helps to achieve the unthinkable subjects and modify the existing cultures. The rules of a community, which the members of it following for several years are judged and altered by the intellectuals with the power of knowledge. For example, in the last century, smallpox took away lives of many persons in the world, but with the advancement in medical science, it is always recoverable now with a vaccine.

Finally, an infant learns the behaviors, norms, and cultures of the society. However, all the perceptions a person has changed over time by the power of education. What this means to the big picture is that with academic disciplines, people started to question whether a specific rule is better for the society or not and they can change the rules for the betterment of the world.

[OnaJournie]

Hi! I actually think your essay answers the prompt and is decent writing. You have a lot of great examples too. Maybe you could introduce more varied arguments and structure your essay better?

But hey I'm a student like you! The parameters for this section of GRE are a little different from regular essays, and I don't think students like us can really tell you what to write to get a good score! You could look at writing tips from books like Barron's and Princeton. Some GRE websites also have paid plans where teachers correct your essay. Maybe you should check those out?

Good luck for your attempt!

[Tamim Ahmed]

@OneJournie Thank you for your response