Issue Essay 1: Would Love a Review!

[cherokeecierra]

Hi everyone!

I'm in the midst of prepping for the GRE through Magoosh and was just assigned 2 essays for my study plan today. In Magoosh's resources, it lists this website as a place where you can post essays and hopefully get feedback from others. That said,  I'm posting the first essay I wrote today, an Issue essay. I'd love any feedback or review anyone is willing to give, as I don't have a writing tutor. Please feel free to butcher as needed, this is my first attempt at a GRE essay, so I'm sure it's a bit rough. The essay is pasted below.

Thanks! Much appreciated! 

Cherokee Washington 

 

 

Prompt:

"The well-being of a society is enhanced when many of its people question authority."

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Often Times throughout history, authority figures, people who hold positions of power, and governmental systems are questioned by the societies they rule. It is true that those in power are elected to rule and guide the public based on their merit, rhetoric, and intentions, however, there are cases in which authority figures seek to only benefit select groups within society, rather than every member of said society. That said, I believe that the well-being of a public can be enhanced when those in power are questioned.

 

Essay:

 

 

Often Times throughout history, authority figures, people who hold positions of power, and governmental systems are questioned by the societies they rule. It is true that those in power are elected to rule and guide the public based on their merit, rhetoric, and intentions, however, there are cases in which authority figures seek to only benefit select groups within society, rather than every member of said society. That said, I believe that the well-being of a public can be enhanced when those in power are questioned.

Within American history, we see a pattern of questioning authoritative figures on countless occasions since the beginning of our nation’s establishment. Take the system of slavery for example. Perhaps one of the most detrimental financial and prejudiced decisions made by European slave traders, slavery in the United States has damaged our society in more ways than one. By capturing and enslaving people with dark skin that strayed from the ideals of whiteness, Europeans created a monster of a system that caused people to become indentured to their masters, become separated from their families, live and work in unfathomable conditions, and even lose their lives. More importantly, slavery and the concepts of racial hierarchy that stem from it have trickled down into today’s society, leaving current members of the American population to be mistreated or slain for being Black or brown.

Clearly, Oppression has taken on various iterations (some which are more tolerable today than those practiced in during the civil rights era), however this transformation of ideology was only made possible by members of society who questioned authority. If individuals such as Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, Maya Angelou, Muhammad Ali, and even Colin Kaepernick had not bravely challenged the powers that dictated their worth and privilege in this country, then many Black bodies could still be picking cotton for hours on end rather than owning companies and acting as CEO’s.

Another example of beneficiary questioning of authority stems from the 2018 film, “Black Panther.” In the film, the superhero T’Challa (also known as Black Panther) is identified as the king of Wakanda, a thriving self-sufficient African country that has been untouched by the evils of colonialism. Although Wakanda is part of the greater whole of Africa, T’Challa and his Wakandan predecessors see the country’s success stemming from keeping out of international affairs. No other country (other than those in Africa) know that Wakanda exists, despite the many resources it poses to aid other societies in enhancing technology and other  areas. With this initial unwillingness to keep Wakanda and its resources to itself in mind, T’Challa’s cousin Killmonger attempts to take over the throne, stating that Wakanda is wrong for not aiding its American brothers and sisters in their own struggle against colonial powers. Ultimately, though Killmonger approach is more damaging than beneficial to all Black and brown bodies throughout the world, T’Challa decides to extend those resources out to America and help minorities enhance their own cities, thus bettering society as a whole through the betterment of all lives, not just white lives.

In all, through these two examples of questioning authority, we see both pros and cons to said questioning. Although systems can be well-run within a society and not need be enhanced, (e.g. acceptance of the first amendment) there are certain systems that benefit only one part of society while harming others. In order to fully benefit every member of a society, we must take into account those who may be at a detriment and make things fair.

Edited April 23, 2018 by cherokeecierra