Which introduction for my SOP?

[historygeek]

I wrote two introductions for my SOP for Harvard University, both taking a bit of a different approach. These are, of course, rough, and will probably not make it into my SOP without significant editing. 

• My research interests center on the broad intersection of gender and ethnicity in American cities during the twentieth century. I am particularly interested in the way that second-generation immigrant- specifically, Italian, Greek, and Jewish -women were present in the public sphere. Using their involvement in sexuality, fashion, beauty, consumption, and political movements as a focal point, I intend to complicate the current historical narrative around immigrant women, which centers around their productivity. Further, I seek to highlight the attitudinal differences across generations and the place of non-Protestant religions in female life. I have an ancillary interest in the way that American culture and society reacted to these women, paying particular attention to media and cultural texts. Above all, I am interested in the immigrant identity in the second generation and its expression by women.

or

• I am applying to the PhD program in history at Harvard University in order to explore the broad intersection of gender and ethnicity in urban America during the twentieth century. Using sexuality, fashion, beauty, consumption, and involvement in political movements as a focal point, I intend to research the lives of second-generation Italian-, Greek-, and Jewish-American women and the expression of an immigrant identity. I have an ancillary interest in the way that American society reacted to this expression, paying particular attention to media and cultural texts.

 

Any feedback would be much appreciated!