LOR writer reply in laid-back manner?

[VickyG]

Hi everyone. I'm in the middle of my application and one of my LOR writer really made me confused. I wonder what to do next and need your advice.

He was my mentor and a good fit for my LOR. We live far from each other so the only way to contact was email. The correspondence was quite strange, at least it was different from the other referees I contacted:

1. My first e-mail was sent on Aug 1st. It was very formal in 4 paragraphs explaining the reason I apply for grad school, my future goals and my recent updates.
2. I waited for 2 weeks and sent a follow-up email, simply implied that the forwarded e-mail was sent 15 days ago, it may got lost.
3. On the same day, he replied with ONE WORD: absolutely.
4. At this point I should have assumed there shouldn't be any issues, right? Well, before the US app season, there is Australia. A professor I met at a conference last year encouraged me to apply for his program in Australia, and I would love to expand my options. So besides several US grad schools I am applying for, there is also an Australian institute. Their deadline is October.
5. Upon receiving my mentor's reply, I immediately sent him the app guideline of the Australia institute, which requires his email and phone number (to fill in the app form). I couldn't find his number elsewhere, not on the department homepage nor his email signature.
6. I waited for a week, no reply. I sent a follow-up email.
7. On the same day, he replied with a number.
8. I submitted the online application on Aug 29 and email him. I also told him that I'm starting my application to US grad schools.

 

That's all for now. It's Sept 7 and I am confused. With 2 long formal (the first one and the guideline one) and 3 follow-up emails I sent, I only got 2 very short (yet positive?) replies. I wonder:

1. Is he really interested in recommending me?
2. Judging from the correspondence, do you think I will get a lukewarm or mediocre letter that would harm my application?
3. Should I give him a call? (I have asked in one of the emails, there was no comment on this.) Is it rude to just call, since he may be just overwhelmed by workload?
4. Last, should I keep him in the referee list for my upcoming applications?

Thank you!

[PokePsych]

The person may be incredibly busy. Academics have a hand in sending one word replies (I've had a bunch of OK/Sounds good/Nice/Yes/Will Do's over the last couple of years). Best you could do is maybe to plan a meeting if possible and go over it. I wouldn't base the content of the letters on his responses. 

1. If he was not interested in recommending you, he'd probably told you or would have said is too busy

2. No, not necessarily. My former adivsor had a hand in short answers yet took the effort to write a superglowy positive letter for me

3. Maybe schedule a meeting to discuss (could always ask for more tips on applying or something)? I personally prefer face to face.

4. If you think he can comment well on your skills and will do so, yes

[Sigaba]

I recommend that you:

• Find ways to write with greater concision. Your messages may be too detailed, too long, too whatever.
• Find ways to differentiate among what you want, what you need, and what you expect.
• Find ways to manage your expectations better;
• Re-evaluate what your perception of a mentorship looks like.
• Try as hard as you can to not freak out.
• Make sure that you're not sending signals you don't want to send (like you think he owes you something, or that you do DGAF about him as a person).

In my own experience, not freaking out can be hard to do. Sometimes the best one can do is to give the appearance that one's not freaking out.

IRT mentoring, sometimes, we think we're getting mentored and we're not. Sometimes, the mentoring we receive comes in unexpected ways.

[VickyG]

On 9/15/2018 at 10:30 PM, Psygeek said:

The person may be incredibly busy. Academics have a hand in sending one word replies (I've had a bunch of OK/Sounds good/Nice/Yes/Will Do's over the last couple of years). Best you could do is maybe to plan a meeting if possible and go over it. I wouldn't base the content of the letters on his responses. 

1. If he was not interested in recommending you, he'd probably told you or would have said is too busy

2. No, not necessarily. My former adivsor had a hand in short answers yet took the effort to write a superglowy positive letter for me

3. Maybe schedule a meeting to discuss (could always ask for more tips on applying or something)? I personally prefer face to face.

4. If you think he can comment well on your skills and will do so, yes

@Psygeek Thank you. After reading your reply I waited and nothing happened. I sent another email asking for a short 5-minute phone conversation and there was no reply either. It's impossible we meet face to face, we are in different countries.

Then I called. It was his assistant and told me he was in a meeting, and I left a message. But there was nothing after that. No call back, no email.

I start to doubt if he is really taking this seriously. Or, maybe he keeps the US deadlines (Dec 1) in mind and ignore my message on the Australian app - because he is incredibly busy this time of year.

Either way, I wouldn't count on him for the October deadline. But I still have no idea if I should keep him on my referee list for US grad schools.