SOP First Draft Help

[TeddyWestSide]

Hi everyone, first time poster long time lurker. I will try to keep this post as short as possible. This is my second round of applications to PhD programs so I am hoping to get some help with my statement of purpose. Please do not worry about hurting my feelings or giving feedback that might seem too harsh, I am here to get better. This SOP needs to be under 750 words so it is pretty close at almost 700. My thought process going into this is that I need to detail four things: Myself, undergrad and grad school, recent work, and academic interest. The criteria I am trying to keep in mind as I write is to stick to: Focus, Fit, and Future. 

I am worried I might be talking too much about undergrad and grad school with too little about my academic interest as it is for the most part combined with my intro in the first paragraph. I also am interested if mentioning the professor I would like to work with needs a more substantial section. I plan on adding more but I don't have that much room. 

This is the framework for what I will send to 6 schools so that is why there are *'s in there for me to remember to change parts of what it says. I know this is frowned upon but I think I will be changing enough in each section is make it feel like it isn't just being mass mailed out. Also I don't know how much different it could be for each school but I have reached out to them to see if there is any part of the program I could research more of and mention but other ways to personalize it would be great. 

Statement of purpose rough.docx

[TeddyWestSide]

I am also just going to post my SOP here so it is easier to look through:

 

Name

Washington State University

English PHD Program

10 January 2018

English Modernism

            We all come to the situations in our lives so drastically different because of the experiences and background that we have had. Marlow tells us that we will not ever be able to really communicate, “No, it’s impossible. It’s impossible to tell anyone what it feels like to be you. It’s impossible. We live the same way that we dream—alone.” What makes literature so powerful is that even for fleeting moments it allows the reader to feel something outside of their own experience. I want to look deeply into how modernist literature offers a connection to others. The modernist push to make everything new gave different avenues for personal connection, and deeply personal looks into how we think and organize our thoughts can give the reader a new way to understand and build empathy. My writing sample discusses how silence and estrangement in characters can breed connection and acceptance in readers, and I will further my research and work into how modernism has drastically changed the way we view our isolation from others.

            I went to The Ohio State University for my undergraduate work where I was fortunate to have a variety of classes to choose from in my field. Standout classes for me were the two that focused on just one author for the quarter. I took one class on Emily Dickinson and another on Ernest Hemingway. I loved diving deep into both the writing as well as the person and the time in which they wrote. I think it set me up for success in my more focused graduate classes as well as making me an enormous fan of both writers. I took French one through four and look forward to distinguishing myself in this language going forward. I saw my GPA rise in my last two years of undergraduate work, and it continued to improve when I started my graduate program as I further adapted to working and going to school.

            I moved and soon started at California State University Dominguez Hills. The graduate program erased any doubts I had about wanting to teach at the highest level. This has made me extremely excited to come to *Washington State University to continue my education. The discussion in class was inspiring. We developed a community with a small group of around twenty students coming together all with similar goals and drive. I was happy to join the English Graduate Association as we revamped the entire outfit. What was once a group that seldom met became a thriving community that supported not only the other graduate students but who also worked with lower level students giving workshops. I took classes on theory and all eras of literature. I was forced to grow as a writer and a student, but I met the challenge graduating on time after sitting comprehensive exams.

            After graduation I quickly accepted a position as an adjunct instructor at two community colleges. ****  both gave me an opportunity to find out who I am as a teacher. I crafted my own syllabus for English 101, 1B, and 495. Besides teaching the basics I have been fortunate to have some great works approved for my students. We have read Notes of a Native son, Heart of Darkness, Slaughter House Five, and The Things They Carried. All of these have helped students understand the struggles of other people, and through my teaching plans I hope to inspire students to be open and accepting of people’s failures and difficulties.

I am incredibly excited at the opportunity to live in a different area of the country and to learn something new about myself as well as the people of *Washington. A faculty member I would love to work with is *Dr. *** Edmunds. *Her work on *Flannery O'Connor and how her life as an author intersects with the time she wrote in echoes my writing sample. My experience at both a large and smaller campuses have set me up for success at any school, and that won’t be any different at* .

[dangermouse]

i think the main thing your statement is missing is exactly what you did in regards to research & classes - what exactly did you like about the classes you took? what questions did they inspire? how do they relate to your intended research? what specifically in your graduate study did you enjoy/research/investigate? whilst it's obviously great to know you had such a wonderful community, that isn't as relevant to your statement of purpose as the specific discussions you had in class or the essays you wrote. 

i also wouldn't suggest you had any doubts about graduate study that were erased. i think that just sets you up for the person reading your statement to wonder what doubts you had, and whether you're likely to have them again in the future - instead, i'd say something about how your experiences 'strengthened/confirmed' your desire for grad study.

overall i think it's a decent start but it's far too general - 'classes on theory and all eras of literature', for example, doesn't say any more than what your transcript will say. the best advice i've read about SOPs is that you don't want any line in it to sound as if anyone could've written it - you want it to be personal, you want it to be your own intellectual autobiography. and the best way to sell yourself is to emphasise the details.

[galateaencore]

Quote

What makes literature so powerful is that even for fleeting moments it allows the reader to feel something outside of their own experience. I want to look deeply into how modernist literature offers a connection to others.

Articulating your interest in literature like this smacks of amateurism. It's something I'd expect to find in a college application essay (or in the flavor text any English department website ever). It's very trite. Your statement of research interests (which I am assuming this is, otherwise why'd you put it in) is vague and meaningless. It's inadvisable to put these kinds of neither here nor there statements in your SOP because it just makes people go wtf.

Quote

My writing sample discusses how silence and estrangement in characters can breed connection and acceptance in readers, and I will further my research and work into how modernism has drastically changed the way we view our isolation from others.

The main problem with this is is that it is contextless. Okay, so you want to work on empathy and isolation in modernism... What texts? What critical lenses? How are you contributing to the existing literature on empathy and isolation in modernism? Why should anyone care? The last question is the most important. You should answer it in any text you write, from letters to mom to essays on isolation in modernism. It is the second necessary element of any thesis.

The rest of the statement reads like you're applying for MA in Education programs, not PhDs. What classes you took, your extracurriculars, what your students read is irrelevant to a PhD adcom. They care about your statement of research interests and who you want to work with on their faculty, which right now together make up about 10% of your statement. Just from the statement (obviously I don't know you personally), you come off as someone who is not ready for PhD-level work and who, if they were, would be more enthusiastic about the non-research component of the degree. Research shouldn't be an afterthought in an application to a research degree.

That said, can I make a suggestion? As I said, I don't know you, but you do seem like a great candidate for education programs. If you really are more excited about the teaching and service components of academia, it may be worth at least considering reorienting yourself in that direction. PhD programs don't value those things and for someone who already knows that they enjoy those things more than research, they can be a bit of a waste of time. We need more people who are passionate about teaching and service in the academy, rather than constantly worrying about publications. A more applied degree won't take ~8 years to finish and will get you teaching and committee-ing sooner, if that's what you want. 

Edited October 27, 2018 by galateaencore

[TeddyWestSide]

First thank you both for your answers and I will get to work on your suggestions. 

 

On 10/27/2018 at 6:03 AM, galateaencore said:

That said, can I make a suggestion? As I said, I don't know you, but you do seem like a great candidate for education programs. If you really are more excited about the teaching and service components of academia, it may be worth at least considering reorienting yourself in that direction. 

About this. I am not sure what you mean. I want to teach at the university level and everyone I had at that level had a PhD. I already have my masters in Lit, so are you suggesting I get an Edd? From my experience that would not help me get a teaching position at the level I want. 

The part about being more specific I agree with you both and I am trying to find my way towards how I can express myself in that direction so my second effort will focus on that. Thank you for your time.