Talk me out of my catastrophizing

[goldenbowl]

Hello, everyone! 

I've been dealing with a strange amount of catastrophizing and uncertainty about my graduate school situation, which is basically this: I applied as a senior year undergraduate to six English PhD programs, and got into one (UNC Chapel Hill-- I still haven't heard from Berkeley but I'm assuming it's an implied rejection). I received a stipend package and a fellowship to work in the William Blake Archive which is located there. My undergraduate thesis and much of my research interest centers around his work, and I was originally elated to hear this news. It also helps that Chapel Hill is in a relatively affordable area in comparison to many other programs, even if I have some anxiety about returning to the South and would prefer a more urban environment. 

I have been having some second-thoughts though. Not necessarily about the PhD, but more of a what-could-be kind of pondering. My top choice was the UChicago department-- which I know is a ridiculously tall order -- and I ended up being referred to the MAPH program like most rejects seemed to be. I have no desire to attend that program, but it has made me wonder what could happen if I applied again. As I've neared completion on my senior thesis, I already feel that I could produce a significantly higher-quality writing sample than the first chapter I submitted when I applied. I could also very easily boost my GRE scores much higher than they were. More importantly, I have become increasingly interested in applied linguistics over the course of this year as I have TA'ed a course on Discourse Coherence, and I very much want to continue to explore that in my work on the Romantics. All of the places I applied had strong linguistics programs -- except for Chapel Hill. Chapel Hill, however, has amazing opportunities in work with Blake and Digital Humanities -- which are both equally important to my research. 

Basically, my options are to accept the Chapel Hill program, or take a huge chance and live with parents for a year while potentially doing research-assistant work for my undergraduate thesis advisor,  and apply for both PhD programs once more as well as research grants. 

Apologies if this post has been somewhat rambly, I really feel extremely uncertain at this moment. More scarily, I don't know if that uncertainty is rational or irrational. 

 

[PsyDuck90]

Different field, but I was in a similar position to you last year. I got accepted at 1 school, and there were a few things I wasn't thrilled about and considered declining and applying again and trying my luck next round. My mom, very lovingly, told me I was an idiot. I had been working toward doctoral studies for years and I was considering giving up a sure thing for a maybe in the future. I accepted the offer and am thriving and incredibly happy. Sometimes I have the "what if?" thoughts, but overall I think I made the right decision. 

Only you can ultimately make the decision, but at the end of the day UNC Chapel Hill is a string program in many fields, and it looks like they have some great opportunities for you. Can you maybe explore the idea of integrating linguistics from another department at Chapel Hill or maybe strike up a relationship with a faculty from a nearby institution? The research triangle has a few universities. 

[goldenbowl]

Thank you so much for your advice, as its actually really helpful in assuaging my own doubts. Like you, I'm realizing over time that my anxieties are kind of ridiculous and this is an amazing opportunity for me . Glad to hear things are working out.  I think we have similar moms!

I am attending the open house in a few weeks, and part of my agenda is to ask about how fluid the relationships in the triangle are -- there is a professor at Duke that I really want to work with. There's also a partnership with Kings College in London, which has an excellent linguistics program. At the end of the day, I think I'm more still hurting from my Chicago rejection than anything else, and am having a hard time focusing on the positive. 

[PokePsych]

Then again - what if you don't get in? It's easy to see how things may get better, but there's also a likelihood you may end up in a worse position than you are now. 

Admissions are such a crap shoot and it also depends on the participant pool, which profs are taking on new students (or whether the department has space), etc.

[Psyhopeful]

I think the fellowship you have sounds amazing, particularly given how it is such an important part of your research. Plus just in general, a fellowship can make a huge difference on your school experience. Does UNC have linguistics at all? Something where you could at least dip your toe in and get some more experience? I think the important thing to remember is that once you’re in, a whole world of collaboration opens up for you. Both in and out of your own school. Definitely look into your options as far as working with others. Many schools actually require you to have an outside person on your committee. Like others have said, UNC is a sure thing and a strong program in terms of your interest. Plus the fellowship. I wouldn’t toss that unless it just really won’t work for you, or you visit and absolutely hate it.