Asking letter of recommendation from your significant other

[Sam90]

 

Hi, I am struggling with whom I should ask for the letter of recommendation. I worked with my girlfriend who was a staff member (she already earned his PhD) at that time in the same lab for two years.  We worked very professionally and she was mentoring me during my stay in the lab. We even have a couple of papers published together. She knows my potential very well in my personal and professional life. She is basically the perfect person to write me a letter of recommendation and if we were not together, I wouldn't think twice to ask her for a support letter. I feel that it would be a bit unfair for other applicants or might unethical to submit the recommendation letter from your significant other. 

My situation with my committee members is that I did not have much contact with them due to the nature of the project. My adviser was very opinionated about my Master project and my other committee members did not have much influence or need to advise me. I talked to one of them only twice during video chat and so he is not definitely a person who can write a strong letter for me. I can get two letters of recommendation from my adviser and another committee member who knows me well enough. I am struggling with the third. Can you guys give your opinions if I should apply using a letter from her? 

Btw, I am applying to PhD program and will include top program. My girlfriend current position also has the perfect credentials to write LORS. 

[DRMF]

I don't know if you should ask her for this letter; however, if you do, make sure she fully discloses her personal connections with you in her letter. That will make it ethical and fair, but also very likely make her letter less helpful. Whether the damage is significant enough for you to not use the letter at all, it's for you to evaluate.

See somewhat related discussion here: https://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/127124/is-using-the-parents-friend-s-recommendation-inappropriate

[2711383]

I think it's a bad idea if she discloses her personal connections. That would make the letter completely useless, and would probably turn off the application reviewer in the process.

[UCLAhopeful19]

Go for it!! Just make sure the letter is strictly professional and not personal. I was in the same situation. I had a reference that was a friend but also someone I worked with professionally, so I asked her to write a professional LOR. I was accepted to the program she sent her letter to.

[DRMF]

Seeing some different opinions above, I would just like to reiterate my belief that it's unethical not to disclose any potential conflict of interest, including significant personal connections, in the letter. The letter itself, obviously, will be recommending you in a strictly professional capacity. (It's like stating "I received this product for free in exchange of my honest opinion" at the end of an Amazon product review; the review itself shouldn't talk about how nice it is that the seller sent it to the reviewer for free, but the conflict of interest must be declared.)