Discouraged, Bored, and Probably Overreacting

[Rockerika]

I apologize in advance if any of this sounds like the griping of a big ego or someone whining about the consequences of their odd situation. My intention here is advice and insight from other grads on my genuine reflections on my recent career, not to brag or be a pompous ass who doesn't appreciate what he's got. I also appreciate that in many ways, my problems are created by my inability to get into particular programs given the tight admissions climate and my own profile.

I am a doctoral student in a small state political science program. I am reasonably confident that I will be able to find a teaching job after completion, as this program is specifically targeted towards producing PhD holders that are attractive to teaching focused schools with a broad approach and pedagogy requirements. I also have an MA, meaning when I finish this program I will have been in grad school for six years, with adjuncting experience in between and on top of my studies. 

I am about to comp for the second time in American, Comparative, International Relations, and Political Theory, after which I am ABD. I am confident I will be able to pass comps, assuming I can get through the American section. My passion is history and philosophy of politics, especially surrounding technology and how it relates to power in society. The primary reason I'm still in political science as a discipline has more to do with job prospects vs. history or philosophy programs than actually identifying with the mainstream of political science. I care a lot more about teaching than I do research, which I really see the same way as many faculty do about teaching, being something required by the job but not my forte. That being said, I do intend to go for a 4 year school as I really like the collegiality of having a program and seniors vs. the more temporal way community college teaching can be.

The problem I am running into is that I don't really feel like I've been intellectually challenged or forced to grow since I was an undergrad and had a more diverse and rigorous experience that inspired me to follow this path. As an undergrad I took courses that were very broad in terms of the diversity, but narrow in terms of the detail and rigor (I took classes specifically about Machiavelli and the Transcontinental Railroad, for examples). Graduate school is supposed to allow you to get that depth on a narrow topic, but I haven't really gotten to experience that in either program. To be a bit egotistical and perhaps a bit hyperbolic, I think seniors from my undergraduate time could eat a lot of my fellow grad students for lunch in a seminar.

Both grad programs I've attended had only one theorist that teach only survey courses at grad and undergrad levels, both late in their career (my current advisor is retiring this year). I've recently begun pivoting my possible dissertation topics towards comparative politics with another professor, but can't help but look at the path this will go down as underwhelming. Frankly, on the theoretical end there isn't any way at my current institution that I can do the highly abstract philosophical work I'd like to do, simply because I don't think there is anyone in the department in a position to help on that end. That isn't a backhanded slight, just the reality. Next year there will only be three faculty in the whole department that aren't Americanists of some stripe. I get along with them and have an article in the works with the two behaviorists, but this year they've seemed distant for some reason, and I wonder if it is because I've made it obvious that I don't intend to do my dissertation in their area.

So now I have to write some kind of dissertation, but I have no idea the scope or approach I should take. I realize that the "easy" way out would be to simply approach faculty in the department and do a more "political sciencey" dissertation that might not be as theoretical or stimulating as I'd like with close supervision, get the thing done, and graduate. I'll probably do that, as I'm too close to just not finish the program. I understand the bureaucratic options available.

What I'm looking for is insight into how I can deal with feeling like I haven't actually done anything intellectually, and that I have yet to have graduate level support at the same level of commitment and challenge as I had as an undergrad. I know I can do publishable work and get through any program. I just have not had any opportunity to take classes on my interests to get the specific background knowledge or anything approaching a close working relationship with a specific advisor.

I've been seriously considering doing a second PhD in philosophy, history, or English after this program if I don't get a job immediately just to feel like I did something vaguely like what I am interested in (non-GRE admission ones, not paying for that in time or money again). The thought of starting over again from the beginning is not great either, but being on a grad stipend for another 5 years certainly beats working outside academia.

I'm sorry if this has not made sense, I'm just running out of time to figure all this out and haven't finished this semester in the best of spirits regarding academia or the last 6 years I've spent doing this. Thanks in advance for any insight or advice, even if it's to tell me I need to just shut up and bear it.

 

[juilletmercredi]

I am assuming that you're in an American-style program, with ~2 years of coursework before comps and dissertation. I will say that I felt kind of similarly in my first two years of graduate school; the challenge was the volume of work I was being expected to do, not the type. I went to a small liberal arts college where close reading, deep discussion, and analytical writing were expected parts of the curriculum, so doing these things in graduate school was not a challenge. I definitely did grow and learned a lot of new material, but I didn't necessarily feel like I had to quickly ascend to a new level of understanding or anything like that. I did get the distinct feeling that some of my colleagues had different educational experiences and that there were areas in which the seniors at my undergraduate college may have excelled, also (particularly the writing and analysis).

I also don't think graduate school felt like getting into depth on a narrow topic until after my coursework. I didn't feel like I was delving really deeply until comps, honestly, and my dissertation was really the pinnacle of that.

A doctoral program is largely self-directed, especially after year 2 or so. So if you want to dive into things more intellectually, set yourself up for that. Take an independent study with the theorist in your department, or work on a collaborative project with them that might result in an article/monograph. Work on your own projects that are more theoretical and intellectually deep in nature. There are programs that will allow you to take a semester at another university to work on such a project. Or you can start a cross-university collaboration with a researcher in a related area. A lot of the intellectual fulfillment you'll get will be independent work. Developing a close working relationship with advisors is also self-directed.

I don't think choosing to do another PhD is a good idea necessarily. Remember that a doctoral program is also customizable and tailored, so if you want to take classes or work with someone in the philosophy or history department at your own university...arrange that.

Also, most programs will not admit you for a second PhD if you already have one, unless it's in a wildly different field.

 but being on a grad stipend for another 5 years certainly beats working outside academia.

Hoo boy, I would strongly disagree with that. But I think it depends on your values, wants, and needs. By the time I was nearing the end of my doctoral degree, I was real tired of living on a grad student stipend. But autonomy and theoretical analysis were not important to me (on the contrary; I much prefer applied work). If it is super important to you to do theoretical work, that may be different for you.

 

[ZeChocMoose]

I agree with everything that @juilletmercredi said.  I also will add if you can't find a theorist that you want to work with at your institution see if you can cultivate a relationship with a faculty member from outside of your university.  They can sit on your committee and provide guidance on your dissertation that can be really helpful.  Usually you leverage the network of your current faculty to find these individuals but I have also seen people in my cohort do this themselves and cold email different faculty members especially if they are working in a niche area.

Edited December 21, 2019 by ZeChocMoose