S%&t! Playing with the big kids now!

[ridgey]

A current student at the programme I start in Fall has been in contact with all us incoming students. Explaining how things work, answering our questions, all very helpful. He also got us each to do a little blurb about ourselves, which he compiled and sent back so we could know a bit about our classmates.

It turns out everyone is much more impressive and accomplished than I am. I'm not being self-deprecating - it's extroadinary what some of these people have done.

I've heard of imposter syndrome, but I never imagiend it setting in before school even started. How is everyone else feeling as fall gets closer?

[Riotbeard]

At the program, I am starting at in the fall, I am by far the least pedigreed of the Americanists offered spots. Two others came from Yale and another from U. Chicago, and me from a non-descript state school. I just had different qualifications though. Apparently my research experience was strong, and my letters of rec. showed a familiarity not as common from some candidates coming from top 10 schools (he did not say this was necessarily the case compared to any of my new cohort just compared to other applicants). Don't worry, you'll be fine. They would not have accepted you, if they did not think you were qualified.

[Riotbeard]

That being said, I am scared s**tless while incredibly excited. I can't believe I have to write my thesis in only a little more than a year (the program I am in is slightly accelerated...) and after sitting on my a$$ this past year, and in three years, I have to write my dissertation! But I am not worried about the ivy leaguers outshining me! This nothing against the ivy league. I have met plenty there who are smarter than me and some not...

[psyched]

When I started last fall I have the same experience when meeting my cohort. The impostor syndrome for me set as soon as picked my school, and I have heard it never really goes away (there is always that small part of you that looks around at your colleagues and thinks what the f am I doing here). I think what is important to remember (and what I am still learning) is that they picked you for a reason. This is not the first year they have had applicants and they know what they are looking for, they would not have selected you if your application was not impressive. Everyone of your future colleagues probably looked at the list and had the same thought as you did!

I am sure you are awesome! Be proud of all of your accomplishments- and congrats!

[coyabean]

I am old. I am coming from a decidedly unstellar career at a crappy UG. I do not have a BA in my doctoral discipline. I do not have an MA like most of the people in my program.

That is to say, why yes, yes I do feel like this is all some kind of cosmic joke.

But I take solace in knowing that I've proven time and again in my life that if I can do nothing else I can think, I can read and I can do whatever is necessary to figure things out. I may have to do that more than some in my cohort but at least I know I can do it.

Oh, and I have developed a manic laughter condition. Think Heath Ledger in Superman.

ETA:

You know what really gets that laughter problem started? The idea of TEACHING people. BWAHAHAHAAAAAA! I mean, I don't have to do it my first year (maybe not even my second if I don't want to) but, still, there will be real live people expecting me to answer questions and impart knowledge. Oh God. LOL Are they crazy?!!!! I want to call and ask them, "are you crazy?!" Our country is in dire straits and you are trusting our future to ME!!!! I just figured out that reindeer are real, like, a year ago. And one time, recently, I poured coffee on my oatmeal because I spazzed out on what milk looks like?

I just really think they should have been more thoughtful. BWAAHHAHAAAHAAAHHAA

Edited April 29, 2010 by coyabean

[oldlady]

I think it's also important to remember that people often look quite impressive on paper -- that's kind of the point of the bio.

[Squawker]

"I just figured out that reindeer are real, like, a year ago. And one time, recently, I poured coffee on my oatmeal because I spazzed out on what milk looks like?"

Sounds like you're just about insane enough for a successful career in academia.

[grad_wannabe]

You know what really gets that laughter problem started? The idea of TEACHING people. BWAHAHAHAAAAAA! I mean, I don't have to do it my first year (maybe not even my second if I don't want to) but, still, there will be real live people expecting me to answer questions and impart knowledge. Oh God. LOL Are they crazy?!!!! I want to call and ask them, "are you crazy?!" Our country is in dire straits and you are trusting our future to ME!!!! I just figured out that reindeer are real, like, a year ago. And one time, recently, I poured coffee on my oatmeal because I spazzed out on what milk looks like?

I just really think they should have been more thoughtful. BWAAHHAHAAAHAAAHHAA

Haha this freaked me out too - knowing I'm going to be a TA and leading discussions ... I keep trying to picture myself in the spot of the grad students I worked with an an undergrad, and i feel totally silly and unprepared. "That's not me! I'm not ready for that! I can't answer your questions, I can't even tie my shoes right!"

@ Old Lady - I know what you mean. A friend of mine, still in undergrad, told me "I can't compete with you, your CV is scary." and I thought, "It is? Really?" But then I realized that I've worked my ass off around the clock towards the same goal for 10 years, so yeah, the culmination of that ought to be impressive-looking.

I think we forget how hard we've all worked for this, because we're so used to it. these schools admitted us for a reason - WE CAN DO IT!

[UnlikelyGrad]

You know what really gets that laughter problem started? The idea of TEACHING people. BWAHAHAHAAAAAA! I mean, I don't have to do it my first year (maybe not even my second if I don't want to) but, still, there will be real live people expecting me to answer questions and impart knowledge. Oh God. LOL Are they crazy?!!!! I want to call and ask them, "are you crazy?!" Our country is in dire straits and you are trusting our future to ME!!!!

As someone who has been teaching freshman-level classes for a year, let me say something that may (possibly) reassure you:

You think you're bad. The freshmen you're going to teach will be much, much worse. (I've had a few non-freshmen in my classes. Seniors are usually ok, juniors so-so, and sophomores not much better than the freshmen.)

You'll survive. Even if you really do suck, your students will suck worse.

[so47]

You'll survive. Even if you really do suck, your students will suck worse.

lol I love this! This makes me feel much better about TAing.

But, at the same time, I know there will be some snot-mouth freshmen to point out every single time I make a math error in class...because I was that snot-mouth freshman years ago. And I'm just afraid it's gonna be worse because it'll be Ivy Leage snot-mouth freshmen who can probably even beat my former know-it-all self! Karma's gonna get me!

[coyabean]

"I just figured out that reindeer are real, like, a year ago. And one time, recently, I poured coffee on my oatmeal because I spazzed out on what milk looks like?"

Sounds like you're just about insane enough for a successful career in academia.

That is a very kind take on my particular afflictions. LOL

[Jae B.]

He also got us each to do a little blurb about ourselves, which he compiled and sent back so we could know a bit about our classmates.

It turns out everyone is much more impressive and accomplished than I am. I'm not being self-deprecating - it's extroadinary what some of these people have done.

I've got the same thing going at my program. Everyone seems way more awesome and accomplished than me. Maybe they let in one green devoted dork every year, for good measure.

But it's part of why I accepted their offer, anyhow! I felt really honored to be accepted. Now I'm hoping some of my peers' awesome rubs off on me.