Applying to clinical psych while helping care for a sick parent (need advice)

[mycupoftea]

Hi,

I'm hoping to apply to clinical psych programs in Canada this year (not my first time) and I'm familiar with the process generally, I know roughly what schools I'm interested in (depending on which supervisors will be taking students, etc) but currently my life has kind of turned upside down because my dad was diagnosed with advanced cancer in April. I'm now back living at home with my parents to help them manage appointments, medications, etc all while working remotely.

The main issue is I'm in the middle of making up some credits with distance learning before the next application cycle, but I just don't have time/mental capacity to work on reading, tests, assignments, etc. on top of work and my new responsibilities at home.

I really need  these credits for my application to be considered, but we're halfway through June now and I'm really worried I won't be able to be able to finish all of the classes I'm taking before applications are due. I'm also hoping Canadian schools won't re-introduce the GRE this year, because I would need to re-write it and I can definitely not handle that in the next few months. 

Has anyone been in this situation? Did you mention it in your application that you had caring responsibilities? Any advice on trying to get extra work done when you have no time/mental energy? I know it feels like application season is a long time away, but I didn't have much time to work on my classes to begin with, and my situation isn't going to be getting better any time soon. 

Sorry this is partly a rant to vent my fears about not getting in (again) and not being prepared, but I would genuinely appreciate any advice on juggling everything, and on the application process if you have any insight. Thanks!

[bubble_psych]

First off, I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family have been going though. After reading what you've posted though, it might just be best to take an additional year before applying again. You're going through a lot, and rushing yourself to try to meet deadlines when you are exhausted might not be the way to go. Taking an extra year before applying can help space out your goals/milestones for applying, which will make the process less overwhelming.

Not to mention, when you actually are in the PhD program, things get increasingly difficult and one of the reasons why people drop out is due to unexpected family issues/concerns.

As for juggling everything, and trying not to feel overwhelmed, def suggest using the pomodoro method (google it!) when working on assignments, and using mindfulness meditations.

[mycupoftea]

8 hours ago, bubble_psych said:

First off, I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family have been going though. After reading what you've posted though, it might just be best to take an additional year before applying again. You're going through a lot, and rushing yourself to try to meet deadlines when you are exhausted might not be the way to go. Taking an extra year before applying can help space out your goals/milestones for applying, which will make the process less overwhelming.

Not to mention, when you actually are in the PhD program, things get increasingly difficult and one of the reasons why people drop out is due to unexpected family issues/concerns.

As for juggling everything, and trying not to feel overwhelmed, def suggest using the pomodoro method (google it!) when working on assignments, and using mindfulness meditations.

Thank you @bubble_psych for the suggestions, the pomodoro method looks like it could be quite helpful! 

Yeah, I think I probably will end up taking another year off from applying, I just really don't want to... I'm 28 and have already taken time away from applying to do these additional classes and have been working in research for a few years now and just really want to move onto a PhD as I've been working towards this for a few years now. Being here for my family is of course more important to me right now, but I just feel like I am so close to being done and ready that it's a shame to have to wait again for a whole year. 

[Plzletmein]

My dad had cancer and passed during my undergrad. I wrote that on all my applications and my undergraduate supervisor did recommend it as it shows you are resilient which is one of the most important features of a graduate student. Sorry you are going through this, best of luck ❤️

[mycupoftea]

On 7/6/2021 at 3:46 PM, Plzletmein said:

My dad had cancer and passed during my undergrad. I wrote that on all my applications and my undergraduate supervisor did recommend it as it shows you are resilient which is one of the most important features of a graduate student. Sorry you are going through this, best of luck ❤️

Thank you very much for your advice, I'll make a note for when I apply. I'm sorry to hear about your dad as well - it is really hard ❤️

[selflovewarrior]

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It is never easy taking care of a sick parent and especially so when pursuing higher education.

I was in a bit of a similar situation when I was in my final year of undergrad - my father's cancer came back from remission and was terminal. I too struggled with deciding if I should push myself through or if it might be better to take a semester/year off. Personally, I decided to take a semester off: for me, although it was difficult to delay my graduation and application, I knew I would have opportunities in the future to make up for it. I also knew from earlier years before his remission, that it would be very difficult for me to juggle - my grades had slipped in the past. All-in-all, it was the best call for my overall well-being, academic success, and gave me peace knowing that I could spend time with my dad.

As for my application: I did include it in my personal statement. I had a small blurb towards the end where I gave the facts - I said when it affected me, what responsibilities I managed at that time, and my productive output that highlighted my success (such that I was able to be productive in my final year by taking that break and remediated my earlier grades). You're allowed to take breaks, take care of yourself, and be with your family. Nine out of ten times, supervisors and committees reading your application will be understanding to that fact.

Wishing you all the best and sending my best to your family during the difficult time. ❤️ 

[mycupoftea]

On 8/2/2021 at 5:36 PM, selflovewarrior said:

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It is never easy taking care of a sick parent and especially so when pursuing higher education.

I was in a bit of a similar situation when I was in my final year of undergrad - my father's cancer came back from remission and was terminal. I too struggled with deciding if I should push myself through or if it might be better to take a semester/year off. Personally, I decided to take a semester off: for me, although it was difficult to delay my graduation and application, I knew I would have opportunities in the future to make up for it. I also knew from earlier years before his remission, that it would be very difficult for me to juggle - my grades had slipped in the past. All-in-all, it was the best call for my overall well-being, academic success, and gave me peace knowing that I could spend time with my dad.

As for my application: I did include it in my personal statement. I had a small blurb towards the end where I gave the facts - I said when it affected me, what responsibilities I managed at that time, and my productive output that highlighted my success (such that I was able to be productive in my final year by taking that break and remediated my earlier grades). You're allowed to take breaks, take care of yourself, and be with your family. Nine out of ten times, supervisors and committees reading your application will be understanding to that fact.

Wishing you all the best and sending my best to your family during the difficult time. ❤️ 

Thank you for your advice and for sharing ❤️ 

[CateFace]

Having just gone through this caregiving for my mom for the last six months, I truly didn't realize how intensive it was until I was doing it. She unfortunately passed a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure I would have had the capacity to do any of my previous undergrad work while caring for her as intensely as she required at the end. I did 6 courses in spring when she was newly diagnosed and didn't require the level of care she needed in her final month. If I were in your shoes and knowing how intense it can be, I would defer my application another year. Or be prepared to hire homecare to relieve you of some responsibilities (frankly, I would do both). I know you are feeling like time is running out, but I assure you the age that people begin is scattered across the board. I will be 33 starting my program and I'm pretty sure I will be on the older side but far from the absolute oldest too. 

 

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it would be far worse for you to burn out and ruin your chances at success were you admitted to a program because you were trying to balance your life responsibilities and in the grander scheme of things, one year is such a short amount of time to wait. I also understand not deferring though, as that's the choice I made when my mom was diagnosed a week after I received acceptance. Now she passed before my program actually started, but I truly had zero idea how I was going to manage her care and starting my program in Sept I was considering withdrawing and reapplying. So I get it, I really do - there really is no right answer here.