Dating a Professor - Fellow Student Reactions

[Purled]

I'm not sure what your field is, but in my field, off the top of my head, I can think of a half dozen well-known couples who met as teacher/student. You've been ethical in your relationship so far, and you should continue to be so going forward. It may be a bit awkward initially, but it probably won't be nearly as bad as you think. My concern would not be the attitudes of your cohort (they won't really care, especially if they didn't attend the same undergrad as you), but of the professors in your department, since their relationship to your SO is that of colleagues, but their relationship to you is that of mentors and instructors.

But don't let any of it deter you from proudly being with your SO, and do remember that, while many people warn that your relationship probably won't work, there are many cases of similar academy relationships that do last. There's nothing intrinsic to this type of relationship that dooms it to fail. Just be honest; everyone involved will appreciate this, and your relationship will become unremarkable surprisingly fast.

[fsmn36]

I'm not sure what your field is, but in my field, off the top of my head, I can think of a half dozen well-known couples who met as teacher/student.

One of my profs loves to tell us about the various failed relationships of poli sci. I don't know if it's a subtle warning or if dramatic retellings of male professors leaving their academic wives for students is just more interesting to him.lol

[warpspeed]

I think, like mentioned above, lying isn't the best idea. However intentional vagueness is the trick. Simply say "he's at XYZ college" or something along those lines, don't hide him, but be vigilent about what you say about him. once you feel you've thoroughly established yourself as someone who does high quality work and also, once people have really gottento know YOU (not just how they perceive you), then be more looselipped. Tell only the few closest friends in your cohort if you must, people you actually trust. Have them be the litmus paper for your experience and then they can also be there to quell the rumors and snark.

[everygirl]

This situation reminds me of something that's going on in my workplace right now. It has recently come out that one of the directors (one of the seven big bosses in my department) is dating a fairly junior member of the another section. She doesn't report to her SO, but to another director. While their fields are fairly close as its the same department, it's very unlikely he would ever be her direct supervisor, or even indirectly oversee any of her work. They don't even sit in on the same meetings. I'm not even sure how they met -- it's a big department.

It was a well-kept secret for a while -- they divulged to HR -- but they came our company Christmas party as a couple. I have been in the know for a while, so it was interesting to watch everyone's reaction, which, I'm sorry to say, was disgust. I'm guessing part of the reason is the not insignificant age difference (fifteen years? maybe more?) but in large part it was due to the fact that he was 'above' her, and close friends with her boss/director. (All of the directors are close friends.) My company is fairly judgmental and politicky, and this did her no favors. I hear she's been getting a bit of a cold shoulder, but nothing that can actually be reported. Nothing has happened to him, I guess because most of his friends and close coworkers have known for a long time.

As for my own opinion, I didn't care or think it was inappropriate, for all the reasons I stated above. If he was her direct supervisor, I would feel differently, but our department is so big that she is almost dating someone in a different company. I also don't care about the age difference one whit.

As for your situation, I'm not sure why this would be a big deal to your fellow students, but for safety's sake, I would keep mum for a little while, much like the couple I am using an example. I guess you can't trust in your classmates maturity until you know them and they know you. Keep trucking on, and enjoy the relationship! I had lots of crushes on my professors in my undergrad, so I like your story.

[joenobody0]

Did this professor write the OP a LOR? If so, that seems questionable. If not, it's simply unconventional.

[everygirl]

Did this professor write the OP a LOR? If so, that seems questionable. If not, it's simply unconventional.

I don't think the professor is the OP's referee -- nothing to indicate that in the posting -- but that is a great point. I can see how dating a former referee would be an issue with one's cohort. Even if the relationship started after graduation, feelings usually start before.

I would think that undergrad referees are usually not talked about very much after admission, though. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[InquilineKea]

Anyways, if this is of any comfort, read this:

http://infoproc.blogspot.com/2011/03/wellesley-girls.html

So women at Wellesley who do choose to date men but have given up on the “Fuck Truck”—the student nickname for bus that runs to Harvard and MIT, both about forty-five minutes away—have to find whoever is available. The most alluring candidates are the professors.

[Gilmour]

Anyways, if this is of any comfort, read this:

http://infoproc.blog...sley-girls.html

All the responses are really interesting....but, the fact is, there is no right or wrong advice in this case..it all depends on the specific situation, ...their own feelings for each other..( if they care for other stuff like career, criticisms etc..)..or how their peers are...we cant generalize anything based on these individual responses or experiences...

However, I noticed that the OP has disappeared (almost 6 months..!!!.)...even though we continue to give her advice..lol.. ...

[neuropsychosocial]

Anyways, if this is of any comfort, read this:

http://infoproc.blog...sley-girls.html

That Rolling Stone article is at least a decade old and very old, inaccurate news. Student/professor relationships are just as uncommon at all-women's SLACs as they are at co-ed SLACs - which means that everyone has a story they heard from a friend who heard from their RA about this person in their dorm a few years ago...