Should I take time off from a phd program to explore being an artist?

[sometimes.maybe]

The facts are these.

* I am in a very PhD good program. This is the program I really wanted to be in, and now that I'm here I feel guilty for even considering even for a moment not completing my phd here. It's full of smart and very nice people (students faculty and staff alike), the building is great, the city is great, classes are great, seminars are great. It has many deep ties to the industry, and it's a really respected institution. Basically, it's not like I don't have to do any work to succeed, but this place and people put me in a position to succeed as much as possible.

* I am a first year in this program. I was an undergrad before this at a small liberal arts place. I miss it more than I have ever missed a place in my entire life, but I don't think I'll ever return.

* I have severe doubts that the nature of academia is something that is good *for me*. I think the publication process has problems and institutions have problems, and that working against these problems will mean working against myself, which won't help me in the long run.

* My spouse (let's call them "S") also attends this school (different department.) S's department is not as well-funded as mine, and the building is much crappier, but in many ways it is still a very good place for S to be.

* We both get paid. It's not much, but it's two of us. I have no student loans to pay off, we don't have any cars or children or pets to care for, and we don't eat out often. We are living very comfortably right now in an good apartment filled with all the crap we want.

As you can see, my life is pretty great. At the very least, I certainly feel like whenever I complain, it's silly and superficial because my life it great and I shouldn't complain. Except that academia is one of those things people probably shouldn't see as 9 to 5 drudgery, and I feel like I can't get away from that, because...

I want to make stuff! I don't want to write academic paper, I want to create. I want to build cool new software (I'm in a computer science program) and I want to create art (think: jewelry, clothes - cool stuff I might make money off of, but not exactly reliably lucrative endeavors). I want to sit around and sketch and think and do all those things I'd do as an academic except actually make things and not just publish about how cool this or that improvement would be. And I do this, to some extent, in all my "free time." Of course, I have ceased to program recreationally because I program so much for work.

So....

Should I take a year off from my phd program to explore what I can do on my own?

Cons I can think of:

* I don't know how to go about this, but once I tart asking questions I suspect it'll be hard to convince people I will have talked to that I'm happy or satisfied in the department.

* I'm afraid what taking the year off, or even asking about it, will do to people's perceptions of me, and, therefore, the letters they write for me.

* I will probably not earn any money, and will likely lose more than a little. Our comfortable lifestyle won't be so comfortable.

* If I do take the year off, I will cause financial difficulties and quite likely unnecessary barriers to my own career.

* Now's not the best of times to try selling stuff people don't need as a full-time job. Disregarding this fact could be heart-breaking.

* If I just continue for a few more years I'll get a masters. Maybe I should wait until after I have a masters, so if I decide to quit forever after taking a year off I will at least get some kind of permanent benefit from it.

Pros I can think of:

* Gosh, I love to program. I feel like if during that year I come up with cool software I might even get back with lots of ideas for studies and publishable work. It could help my career in unique ways that institutional barrier are preventing now. More importantly, it could be a great morale boost and a way to recharge and regain confidence in academic work.

* If I decide doing my own thing actually is not financially horrible, it would be great to know this sooner rather than later.

* If I decide to drop out, S and I will never have to deal with the 2-body problem again! My body will be home-bound. S will have a better chance at having good job after we get out.

* If even for a single year, S and I will be healthier! We won't eat frozen pizza 50% of all dinners just because it's delicious and quick. I will be able to cook delicious things that take time.

* S bearing the money burden isn't so bad since we don't intend to have children. I've known people try - and succeed - at supporting a single working parent family on postdoc money.

Opinions? Cons/pros I haven't thought of? Related personal experiences?

Please help me wade though this decision.

Thank you!

-T

Edit: sorry for spelling errors. I'll try to edit them out but as you can imagine this is very emotional, and emotional forum posts written quickly = spelltown disasterville!

Edited January 11, 2011 by sometimes.maybe

[anonacademic]

My quick thoughts. I'm in a far different field, though.

1. Don't sacrifice what you want out of life for your partner. This is coming across fairly strongly in the "pros" section of your post. Want to eat better? Get a crockpot. Delicious, healthy, and so, so easy.

2. I'd wait until you get your master's, especially since you do say you love your program.

3. I'm not sure what this "being an artist" part means, or how it factors into your plans, since it's not listed in the "pros." However, I am in a field where many people are artists - creative writers - and I see no reason why being an academic and being creative would be mutually exclusive. Then again, my field (literature) feeds directly into creativity. On the other hand, I know of many contemporary poets who are computer programmers and the like, and who are very successful at both.

If you want to spend time creating - computer programs or jewelery or whatever - do it in your spare time. I'd think the former would rise very organically out of your PhD work. The other things could be done during "down time" (which I know is limited) - while watching a quick 30 minute show at night, or on the weekends. If you're not taking this time out, you will get burnt out of your program.

4. If you do decide to do this, make sure that you have a financial buffer and a plan that keeps your toes in your field's pool. It seems like it would be very easy to get a computer programming job (or something with computers) to help pay the bills and maintain financial autonomy (do you really want an allowance from your partner?!). Transitioning back to school would be easier, in such a case.

Do you have any professional experience as an artist?

Have you spoken to your advisor/professors? Ask for their advice.

Edited January 12, 2011 by Chumlee

[qbtacoma]

Is dropping out the only option here, or is it possible to take a break? Taking a semesterlong or yearlong break might be a better choice, one that's probably easier to make after completing your Master's. I second the proposal to talk to an advisor about this. This is the sort of thing they can really help you with.

Also, are you feeling burned out already or just intensely enthused about this other artsy option? If taking a break will help cure burnout then you should definitely do it.

What does S think about all this? Since your "pros" list is very much about S and your quality of life then S will be able to help you weigh the pros and cons.

[TMP]

Generally, it sounds like you need a better balance in your life. Go ahead and be an artist. Do it in your free time or as part of "me" time. Balanced graduate students find "me" time in their schedule (sometimes you may have to actually schedule it in), may it be an hour every day, or all day on a weekend... Don't feel that you have to restrict your time only to your program and your SO. Your SO should be understanding if you have to say "Hey, I need some 'me' time, can I please be alone?" If you did this artist thing full-time, I will guarantee you that you will be begging for academia within three weeks.

[psycholinguist]

I agree with the others. Plan your time, do arts-and-crafts when possible, set up an Etsy shop, and see how it goes!

[Curious12345]

What? you want to stop a PhD program to be an artist? I AM an artist and I wouldn't wish being one on my worst enemy. Its an uphill battle to say the least.

[Gelpfrat the Bold]

I wouldn't be too afraid to approach someone in your department about this. Professors know what it's like to wish for more free time and the opportunity to do something else with the mind for a little while. Feeling creatively trapped is a sign of intelligence and potential, and discussing it is a sign of sincerity and of self-worth. Of course, something more specific than "I want to be an artist" would be better - something that perhaps feeds into your academic interests.

[Dr._Robotnik's_Shadow]

I know what you mean.

I'm starting a PhD program in film in the fall but what I really like is the production aspect, not so much the research (PhDs in film are pretty much only research). I'm going to find time on my own to make small side films. My program will allow me to take some production classes. I'm going to stick with the PhD until the end because I know being able to think critically about films will transfer to thinking creatively. with the PhD I'll have a nice back-up plan should filmmaking not work out as a career (although I know getting into academics as a career is hard too).

When you really love something that much and it becomes a part of you, you'll find it seeps into other areas of your life (like your grad program). Never let the creative side go, you'll go crazy! You might need to put it on the back burner temporarily while you study but continue with it no matter what in your free time and pick it up again when the time is right.

Your new perspective thanks to your grad studies will make you an even better artist.

[Amalia222]

After my MA program, I had the option to apply to doctoral programs but decided to follow my heart instead. I took off for France to write, teach, and travel. I needed to get out of the university and into the real world for a while, and it helped me become a much more sure and rounded person. Now, having lived in 4 foreign countries and done everything I wanted to do, I am back and entering doctoral programs in the fall. It was a nine year "break", and I don't regret it for a micro-second. I say do it.

[Agradatudent]

In a word... no.