Is it common for people to be most friendly to you when they first meet you?

[InquilineKea]

Some people seem to have that sort of personality (since it sometimes is the type of personality that allows you to meet the most people without wasting too much time). But sometimes, you also get that impression simply since you first met someone in a context where they're inclined to chit-chat (such as a social context where they're all drinking beer), rather than to do research. Hm.

[queller]

Yes. (or at least that is the case with me)

When you first meet someone it is about first impressions and acting ones best. One is thinking more on the subject, or not taking an existing friendship or acquaintance for granted. Then once you get to know someone you fall into one's natural bad habits. Which means if I am working on something particularly hard I am less inclined to be friendly and chit-chat as I don't want to break concentration. However if I had just met the person I don't think in the back of my head "ohh I know them they will understand."

Edited February 6, 2011 by queller

[TheDude]

This is how it is with all acquaintances.

It's like dating, but hopefully you don't become unfriendly , you get comfortable and let your guard down. The more you do that the more he real you comes out.

If someone isn't nice when you first meet them you should be a bit suspect, this is of course unless they just don't care. In which case you might have a bit of admiration for that person!

[Medievalmaniac]

Yes. Aside from the people who are just genuinely nice all the time, or most of the time, and the people who are inherently social, (and, of course, the people who just live in their own little universes!) usually the first time you meet someone, s/he is very worried about what your first impression of him/her will be and is trying to impress; ergo, on his or her best behavior. By the second or third time you meet, s/he has already determined whether or not you are somebody it is worthwhile to be nice to...which sounds sadly cynical, but is actually just realistic. There is no way for average people to be outgoing, patient, and genuinely nice to everyone, all of the time...you have to decide who to cultivate and who to let go of, unless you are just an abnormally (in a good sense!!) kind and giving person.

Most of us just don't have that much energy - so it boils down to: are you, or aren't you, someone I need to/want to/have to/ ought to know?

[Kathiza]

InquilineKea posts some really strange questions here...

"Is it common to ask a person to repeat something?"

"Do professors care if you wear sweatpants?"

"Is it common to tell your adviser that you're too busy?"

"I've heard Columbia University provides free housing..."

I don't want to be rude, but I keep thinking that he/she just posts strange questions for the fun of others taking them seriously and responding.

Edited February 8, 2011 by Kathiza

[InquilineKea]

I don't want to be rude, but I keep thinking that he/she just posts strange questions for the fun of others taking them seriously and responding.

No, I'm not. I have Asperger's Syndrome, ADD, *and* social anxiety, and I'm really just trying to ask them so that I won't make the mistakes I made in the past. I had depression along with those 3 too, but I'm recovering with meds and I don't want to stunt this recovery

I honestly wish that I could have asked them (in other places) earlier so that I wouldn't have made them to begin with.

Edited February 9, 2011 by InquilineKea

[wtncffts]

No, I'm not. I have Asperger's Syndrome, ADD, *and* social anxiety, and I'm really just trying to ask them so that I won't make the mistakes I made in the past. I had depression along with those 3 too, but I'm recovering with meds and I don't want to stunt this recovery

I honestly wish that I could have asked them (in other places) earlier so that I wouldn't have made them to begin with.

Perhaps you could just create one thread and post all your questions there, rather than creating separate ones for each.

[InquilineKea]

Okay, that can be a compromise idea. But then what should I label it? I don't want to sound too self-important by creating an "InquilineKea's Questions" thread.

[wtncffts]

Okay, that can be a compromise idea. But then what should I label it? I don't want to sound too self-important by creating an "InquilineKea's Questions" thread.

I don't know, something like "Questions about Social Interaction/Relationships in Grad School"? Personally, I don't have much of a problem with separate threads, but I can see how it might be off-putting to some.

[InquilineKea]

Okay, that actually would be a good idea.

[Kathiza]

No, I'm not. I have Asperger's Syndrome, ADD, *and* social anxiety, and I'm really just trying to ask them so that I won't make the mistakes I made in the past. I had depression along with those 3 too, but I'm recovering with meds and I don't want to stunt this recovery

I honestly wish that I could have asked them (in other places) earlier so that I wouldn't have made them to begin with.

I'm sorry. I guess I WAS pretty rude. It's just that those were all things I never really thought about and to me they kind of sounded weird. But I understand now and when you have a question, just post it and I'll be happy to help. (Although I'm an international student and I also learn A LOT from this forum here. Things in the US seem to be a lot less formal than where I come from; calling professors by their first name - no no. Wearing sweatpants to class - no no no no no! --- But I'm looking forward to things being a little bit more relaxed in the US...)

[InquilineKea]

Aw okay, thanks for explaining. Ah yeah, that's definitely true - those are good points.