Academic Complex because of Funding

[shepardn7]

so definitely be a lot more sensitive about where others are right now — as all your very sensible colleagues pointed out — but also don't be too hard on yourself. i think people were very frank and reasonable in telling you what upset them, but you also reacted pretty graciously.

last of all, congrats to you!

Agreed with this--you seem hard on yourself. Be happy, because you earned it, and congrats.

[sausundbraus]

I got here after the initial post was taken down, so my reconstruction of it might be faulty. But I have to say, I think the question is a good one, even if its tone might have obscured its goodness.Receiving a first year fellowship can mean several different things (certain schools, for instance, call their Freshman funding package a 'fellowship,' though it is not exclusive), but if it means that a school is really pitching themselves to you, even if that school is lower ranked than another, it makes a lot of sense to consider it. Not because the other school in which you'd be TA'ing is a bad idea. But a lower ranked school that is extra-excited about you might take extra steps to promote your work while you're in school, could potentially look for publishing opportunities for you, etc. In this scenario, the fellowship could be more significant for c.v. development than a first year of teaching. And having the name of a fancy fellowship on your resume does help you find a job. Of course it does!

I think to say "show 'em what you got" is a nice sentiment, but it doesn't really apply here. After all, schools offer (certain) fellowships precisely for this situation: to entice students who might have been accepted to more prestigious schools.

If I got the gist of the original email wrong, my apologies. But if I didn't, I think it makes sense to bring this problem up, and I don't think there's an easy solution. My suggestion (based, again, on a reconstruction), would be to get in touch with the faculty at School Fellowship and tell them you're excited about working with them etc (that is, if you actually are excited about working with them...), and try to gauge the actual level of enthusiasm for you and your work. If your fellowship was received only because of high GRE scores, for instance, then the advantages you might have will probably be less significant.

[ZeeMore21]

Thanks alot Sarandipidy!

Agreed with this--you seem hard on yourself. Be happy, because you earned it, and congrats.

[ZeeMore21]

Hey sausundbraus,

thanks for your advice and understanding. Your reconstruction was on point. The school that did give me the fellowship is the school I am already attending right now. I did sit down with the chair last week and he had said that the committee really respected my work and believe in it. But I guess I am realizing that it would be better to go to a school that is top in my field.

I got here after the initial post was taken down, so my reconstruction of it might be faulty. But I have to say, I think the question is a good one, even if its tone might have obscured its goodness.Receiving a first year fellowship can mean several different things (certain schools, for instance, call their Freshman funding package a 'fellowship,' though it is not exclusive), but if it means that a school is really pitching themselves to you, even if that school is lower ranked than another, it makes a lot of sense to consider it. Not because the other school in which you'd be TA'ing is a bad idea. But a lower ranked school that is extra-excited about you might take extra steps to promote your work while you're in school, could potentially look for publishing opportunities for you, etc. In this scenario, the fellowship could be more significant for c.v. development than a first year of teaching. And having the name of a fancy fellowship on your resume does help you find a job. Of course it does!

I think to say "show 'em what you got" is a nice sentiment, but it doesn't really apply here. After all, schools offer (certain) fellowships precisely for this situation: to entice students who might have been accepted to more prestigious schools.

If I got the gist of the original email wrong, my apologies. But if I didn't, I think it makes sense to bring this problem up, and I don't think there's an easy solution. My suggestion (based, again, on a reconstruction), would be to get in touch with the faculty at School Fellowship and tell them you're excited about working with them etc (that is, if you actually are excited about working with them...), and try to gauge the actual level of enthusiasm for you and your work. If your fellowship was received only because of high GRE scores, for instance, then the advantages you might have will probably be less significant.

[ZeeMore21]

Poppy,

Thanks for the congrats! I just knew how hard people have worked this year in applying to schools, and for me to be complaining about fellowships seemed out of line and very ungrateful. Like all of you have said, I am very lucky right now, and it id not the time to be hard on myself.

wow, a whole lot of 'tough love', as you say. : )

at the same time, you weren't at all defensive and quickly came to fully appreciate the other users' points of view, which i think says lots about your maturity and character.

honestly, we've all said (plenty of) things —just perhaps not on these boards— that were unfortunately timed and not particularly well thought out, that ended up (very reasonably, but definitely not intentionally) hurting others. and we pretty much all have many moments of self-doubt (i know i do at least!), and times where we simply freak out about everything and our self-worth and where we stand with others (even though we know we shouldn't).

so definitely be a lot more sensitive about where others are right now — as all your very sensible colleagues pointed out — but also don't be too hard on yourself. i think people were very frank and reasonable in telling you what upset them, but you also reacted pretty graciously.

last of all, congrats to you!

and good luck and strength to everybody at this extremely nerve-frazzling time of year!!

[diehtc0ke]

Hey sausundbraus,

thanks for your advice and understanding. Your reconstruction was on point. The school that did give me the fellowship is the school I am already attending right now. I did sit down with the chair last week and he had said that the committee really respected my work and believe in it. But I guess I am realizing that it would be better to go to a school that is top in my field.

I also missed the first post. Does this mean the school that is top in your field isn't giving you any money? Or only a first-year fellowship?

[Tybalt]

Hey sausundbraus,

thanks for your advice and understanding. Your reconstruction was on point. The school that did give me the fellowship is the school I am already attending right now. I did sit down with the chair last week and he had said that the committee really respected my work and believe in it. But I guess I am realizing that it would be better to go to a school that is top in my field.

Don't apologize. As much as some of us (myself included) are stressed about not getting in, we need to realize that there is another layer of stress for those already admitted. Teaching is a scary thing if you've never done it. I will say this--Odds are pretty good that your cohort and the other grad students will be able to support you with your teaching. Teaching experience is something that I already had when I started my MA. As such, I help out whenever the other folks in my cohort need feedback or ideas for a lesson, paper topic, etc. My big weakness was theory. I had never had a theory class in undergrad, and I really struggled with it at first. Two of the other grad students had taken multiple theory courses and helped me out. That's why meeting the cohort is just as important as seeing the school, reputation and all of that other stuff. A good cohort will save your bacon more times than you know and vice versa. Congrats on getting in. Take a deep breath and realize that yes, teaching will be hard--but you will have people to help you out with it, and once you get the hang of it it's REALLY fun, too.

[ZeeMore21]

I also missed the first post. Does this mean the school that is top in your field isn't giving you any money? Or only a first-year fellowship?

Diehtc0ke,

The top school is giving me money, it is a teaching assistantship, meaning that I would start teaching right away as an incoming PhD. I was nervous about this because keeping the teaching assistantship depends on doing well as a phd AND teaching well. I am still rather nervous about trying to find a way to balance studying and teaching as a brand new PhD. The other school involved granted me a fellowship, meaning that I wouldn't have to teach my first year and concentrate on coursework. But like Tybalt is also saying, finding a balance at the top school is possible, and I am sure there are others in the same boat who could be there to support me and give me advice. I am also planning on talking to the chair of the top school about advice she has about doing well as an incoming PhD in balancing teaching and adjusting to the courseload.

[diehtc0ke]

Diehtc0ke,

The top school is giving me money, it is a teaching assistantship, meaning that I would start teaching right away as an incoming PhD. I was nervous about this because keeping the teaching assistantship depends on doing well as a phd AND teaching well. I am still rather nervous about trying to find a way to balance studying and teaching as a brand new PhD. The other school involved granted me a fellowship, meaning that I wouldn't have to teach my first year and concentrate on coursework. But like Tybalt is also saying, finding a balance at the top school is possible, and I am sure there are others in the same boat who could be there to support me and give me advice. I am also planning on talking to the chair of the top school about advice she has about doing well as an incoming PhD in balancing teaching and adjusting to the courseload.

That's exactly how you should approach the situation. I'm also assuming (maybe erroneously so) that you have other schools to hear back from so I'd suggest you revel (privately lol) in your successes a little bit more before you have to make the tough decisions. You never know what can happen between now and April 15th.

[ZeeMore21]

That's exactly how you should approach the situation. I'm also assuming (maybe erroneously so) that you have other schools to hear back from so I'd suggest you revel (privately lol) in your successes a little bit more before you have to make the tough decisions. You never know what can happen between now and April 15th.

You are assuming correctly! I did overdo it this time around, but I wasn't sure I would be getting anywhere either : )

[sausundbraus]

I taught from the first semester in my master's program, and while I'm glad I did for the experience, I think it would also have been helpful not to have had to worry about it. In terms of going to the school that's in the top of your field:; well, there's certainly obvious advantages to doing so. But academic jobs only come in part from the academic reputation of a candidate's degree-granting institution. I really feel that we should all be going to the school where we think we can do the best work. "Doing the best work" happens when you have a supportive department and you have the time to work (maybe for some it comes from teeth-gnashing competition, but that just makes me want to sleep). That doesn't always happen in the best schools, which can often make you feel you should be grovelingly thankful for having the honor of being admitted.

[RockDenali]

I taught from the first semester in my master's program, and while I'm glad I did for the experience, I think it would also have been helpful not to have had to worry about it. In terms of going to the school that's in the top of your field:; well, there's certainly obvious advantages to doing so. But academic jobs only come in part from the academic reputation of a candidate's degree-granting institution. I really feel that we should all be going to the school where we think we can do the best work. "Doing the best work" happens when you have a supportive department and you have the time to work (maybe for some it comes from teeth-gnashing competition, but that just makes me want to sleep). That doesn't always happen in the best schools, which can often make you feel you should be grovelingly thankful for having the honor of being admitted.

This question is not meant to be rude. It's an honest question from someone who has never done literature work . . .

Why are so many lit folk adverse to teaching? Many I talk to are up-front about not enjoying teaching. I understand this attitude from chemical engineering students who just want to get back to their patent-potential research. But I thought we in the humanities receive most of our passion from human interaction . . . The best part of academia, in my opinion, is teaching.

[Chris83]

Another thing to consider is that at the school where you were given funding that includes teaching-duties, you will be among a cohort of other incoming PhD students who will be in the same boat. Socially and mentally it's nice to have a cohort. You could train and take pedagogy classes until the cows come home and still never feel 100% ready to teach on your own for the first time. You just have to do it. The first semester is exciting, awkward, stressful, but rewarding. You'll be able to share all of those ups and downs with a cohort who will be your friends and colleagues for the rest of your life.

I was actually nominated for a fellowship (which would make my first and last years in the program fully funded with no teaching duties) at the only school I've heard back from. While I'd be incredibly grateful and lucky to receive this fellowship, I've been telling myself that I'd probably rather teach my first year so that I can be a part of the cohort that I enter with.

[sausundbraus]

This question is not meant to be rude. It's an honest question from someone who has never done literature work . . .

Why are so many lit folk adverse to teaching? Many I talk to are up-front about not enjoying teaching. I understand this attitude from chemical engineering students who just want to get back to their patent-potential research. But I thought we in the humanities receive most of our passion from human interaction . . . The best part of academia, in my opinion, is teaching.

I think it's a question of what you are capable of teaching when you are a first semester grad student who is having to adapt to a new academic environment. I've been adjuncting for several years now and really love it; I completely agree with you that an allergy to teaching would suggest to me that the humanities provide a problematic career choice. However, having a year to get your bearings as you prepare for a lifetime of teaching makes a lot of sense to me (something like a proto-sabbatical between college and TA'ing). That being said, a PhD program that offers no teaching experience isn't doing any favors for its grad students.

[RockDenali]

I think it's a question of what you are capable of teaching when you are a first semester grad student who is having to adapt to a new academic environment. I've been adjuncting for several years now and really love it; I completely agree with you that an allergy to teaching would suggest to me that the humanities provide a problematic career choice. However, having a year to get your bearings as you prepare for a lifetime of teaching makes a lot of sense to me (something like a proto-sabbatical between college and TA'ing). That being said, a PhD program that offers no teaching experience isn't doing any favors for its grad students.

Ah, got it. It does seem that a lot of the complaints I hear are from first-years or recent admits (probably because that's the group I'm in, too). I'm sure jumping into doctorate work AND teaching at the same time can be pretty scary. I'm glad I got my feet wet teaching at the MA level . . .

[osodulce]

I agree that teaching can be very scary at first, but approaching teaching not as a chore but as a compliment to your own academic journey is very beneficial. Teaching forces me to clarify and articulate my own ideas. Through teaching--and learning from my fellow teachers--I grow as an academic. Without my teaching load, I don't think that I would be as good a scholar.

[ZeeMore21]

I agree that teaching can be very scary at first, but approaching teaching not as a chore but as a compliment to your own academic journey is very beneficial. Teaching forces me to clarify and articulate my own ideas. Through teaching--and learning from my fellow teachers--I grow as an academic. Without my teaching load, I don't think that I would be as good a scholar.

Totally understand where you are coming from osodulce. I do not see teaching as a chore, or I wouldn't have applied to PhD programs in the first place since I do plan on teaching for a living. However, I was worried about not being able to balance my coursework and teaching....if either one went downhill I would lose the teaching assistantship and probably would have to drop out. Because I have never taught before, I do assume that it will take a whole lot of work and energy...work and energy I had originally thought I could spend on exceeding academically in my courses. I really want to have an excellent first year academic wise. But like everyone has says, I will figure out how to balance and it will work out. And I am sure I will love teaching, that I am not worried about.

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

Another thing to consider is that at the school where you were given funding that includes teaching-duties, you will be among a cohort of other incoming PhD students who will be in the same boat. Socially and mentally it's nice to have a cohort. You could train and take pedagogy classes until the cows come home and still never feel 100% ready to teach on your own for the first time. You just have to do it. The first semester is exciting, awkward, stressful, but rewarding. You'll be able to share all of those ups and downs with a cohort who will be your friends and colleagues for the rest of your life.

I was actually nominated for a fellowship (which would make my first and last years in the program fully funded with no teaching duties) at the only school I've heard back from. While I'd be incredibly grateful and lucky to receive this fellowship, I've been telling myself that I'd probably rather teach my first year so that I can be a part of the cohort that I enter with.

Just to add some more thoughts on fellowships, I want to quote this because it's pretty spot on. I received a pretty crazy funding package for my MS and will not be teaching until I'm going for the PhD (assuming I continue here, but it is required for the PhD track in my program). My thoughts on not having to teach:

1) Fuck yeah! Only because I am here to learn how to research and would rather be focused on my field's literature, not textbooks. Grading is also a time suck. I also may not even go into academia anyway (government and industry have good prospects for my field).

2) I will have practice presenting at conferences, and so far I've been quite good at it. I am not losing out on a lot of presentation skill building.

3) I know my mentors have been rooting for me from the get go. Someone had to nominate me and write a recommendation (probably my advisor), and while I'm sure GRE/GPA had something to do with my getting them, there's a lot to say about faculty putting in the extra effort.

4) Because of 3, I know there's a certain amount of increased expectations for my work. Fellowships the first year mean the faculty believe in my potential, but I'll be damned if I don't produce kick ass research.

5) Fellowships do look better on a CV compared to another year of TA. I'm not saying no TAing is a good thing (it will be beneficial for learning good time management skills), but committees love CVs chock full of fellowship/grant/awards.

6) I am not integrated into my cohort. They all TA, attend the same undergrad lectures for it, and have to prepare labs. They don't often ask my opinions on teaching because I'm pretty sure they don't think I'd have one! It kind of sucks.

So, I suppose fellowships are a double-edged sword. Damned if you get it, damned if you don't.

[ZeeMore21]

Yes. You are being petty. You should be happy to have the teaching experience. That's part of our deal. We research, and we share that research. We teach students of literature. It's part of the reason we are applying to grad school and part of the reason we'll be accepted: our willingness to learn and to share our knowledge in an academic community. To gain experience in the classroom. To engage with others. Remember an awesome teacher you had? That could be you. Stop being such a prick, or you'll be that prick teacher you had--remember that one?

Wow, reputa...Im not quite sure I am being a prick...I have agreed with everyone so far but I will DEFINITELY not take ANYONE calling me a prick...especially someone who doesn't know me.Please watch what you call others online.

Was I being petty? Yes, I will definitely take that one. But I have no distaste for teaching, and I have NEVER said that. I clearly wouldn't be pursuing a PhD if I didn't intend on using it to share my knowledge with others as a professor. I am more than happy to do so. But I did have a huge worry about teaching while a first year PhD, and many people saw that as understandable.

[ZeeMore21]

Wow, reputa...Im not quite sure I am being a prick...I have agreed with everyone so far but I will DEFINITELY not take ANYONE calling me a prick...especially someone who doesn't know me.Please watch what you call others online.

Was I being petty? Yes, I will definitely take that one. But I have no distaste for teaching, and I have NEVER said that. I clearly wouldn't be pursuing a PhD if I didn't intend on using it to share my knowledge with others as a professor. I am more than happy to do so. But I did have a huge worry about teaching while a first year PhD, and many people saw that as understandable.

Also, like I have said multiple times in this thread...they way I phrased my initial post was terrible, and I do take full responsibility for it. Instead of focusing on how to prepare for balancing being an incoming PhD and teaching my first year, I shifted the focus to basing my self-worth as a doctoral student on not being rewarded a fellowship. So for future posters, please recognize that I do realize that it was immature, silly, and unproductive for me to be thinking this way. But again, I will not take being called a "prick"....I seriously needed advice so I thank everyone who was willing to give me helpful insight. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I have went through a drastic readjustment when it comes to perspective between yesterday and today, especially considering how lucky I am to not only have an offer, but have multiple offers. This is something for me to celebrate, and I do intend to.

[fall-11]

EnglishEnthusiast10, maybe you could ask one of the moderators/admins to lock this thread? Unfortunately, we all have frayed nerves right now, so any new person stumbling onto this thread for the first time might get worked up over it and write something unpleasant. Might be best to have it locked, if possible.

[ZeeMore21]

Hey fall-11, I did message the forum moderator to see if he could remove the post or lock it. Thanks for the suggestion.

[RockDenali]

Also, like I have said multiple times in this thread...they way I phrased my initial post was terrible, and I do take full responsibility for it. Instead of focusing on how to prepare for balancing being an incoming PhD and teaching my first year, I shifted the focus to basing my self-worth as a doctoral student on not being rewarded a fellowship. So for future posters, please recognize that I do realize that it was immature, silly, and unproductive for me to be thinking this way. But again, I will not take being called a "prick"....I seriously needed advice so I thank everyone who was willing to give me helpful insight. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I have went through a drastic readjustment when it comes to perspective between yesterday and today, especially considering how lucky I am to not only have an offer, but have multiple offers. This is something for me to celebrate, and I do intend to.

I think he was just making a point . . . look at in context of "the prick teacher you had." And you certainly must be going through a readjustment to make such an egregious grammar error in that sentence. Even in an online forum, I don't expect that from a Vandy admit!!

[ZeeMore21]

I think he was just making a point . . . look at in context of "the prick teacher you had." And you certainly must be going through a readjustment to make such an egregious grammar error in that sentence. Even in an online forum, I don't expect that from a Vandy admit!!

Hey RockDenali,

Yes, I should be reviewing my sentences before I post, I was just a bit upset after being called a prick. Won't happen again!

[bgk]

Cool it folks.