Visit Etiquette

[The Dudester]

I have a visit scheduled for this month to a campus. What is the etiquette regarding other school offers? Will they ask me where else I have been accepted, and if they do should I tell them? Will other grad students ask what funding or support I have gotten, and should I tell them? I really am not comfotable revealing this informaiton, but don't want to be a jerk either.

[TransnationalHistory]

I have a visit scheduled for this month to a campus. What is the etiquette regarding other school offers? Will they ask me where else I have been accepted, and if they do should I tell them? Will other grad students ask what funding or support I have gotten, and should I tell them? I really am not comfotable revealing this informaiton, but don't want to be a jerk either.

I've already had to tell one program that I've been accepted elsewhere due to my travel plans (I'm going from one school to the next) and apparently word spread, since the first faculty member I spoke to at the school mentioned that he knew of my other offer...which funny enough was where he got his PhD. Anyway, schools know you applied to multiple places, and therefore might be exploring options other than their school--that's why they have open houses. If they thought they were the only option for all their admits they wouldn't bother trying to woo anyone.

As for your other worry, I doubt that anyone is going to be comparing funding packages. Seems a little gauche.

[space-cat]

As for your other worry, I doubt that anyone is going to be comparing funding packages. Seems a little gauche.

Agreed, that's the equivalent of asking someone how much money they make

I'm visiting three schools this month: a big public school, a small public school, and an Ivy. I plan to be honest about my other options if asked, and also acknowledge that I'm visiting each in person because the atmospheres are so different. I've heard a few horror stories about professors or students laying on the pressure or badmouthing an applicant's other options during a visit, but that's hardly the norm. Like Transnational said, academia is a small world and they know that most successful applicants get more than one offer. You're not telling them anything they don't expect to hear.

[neuropsych76]

I'm wondering about this as well.

Is it possible that they could rescind your offer or take away funding if you're a total jerk or totally incompetent?

[newms]

I haven't visited yet, but I've been in contact a current grad student at a school I've been accepted at. He's been good at answering my questions, but he also asked which other schools I've been accepted at. I thought it was a bit weird, but I told him the truth. It might be a little like asking how much money you make if they ask you about your funding, but I really can't complain since I asked this grad student about the funding at the department (since I hadn't received my funding information yet) which I guess was akin to asking him how much he made. In the end, I guess honesty is the best policy, even if it's going to be a bit awkward, since you're trying to find out if you'd be a good fit in the department and they're trying to (i) find out how good of a fit you'd be and (ii) convince you to come (at least if they're happy at the school).

Is it possible that they could rescind your offer or take away funding if you're a total jerk or totally incompetent?

If you've already been accepted, I would think no. I'm sure there are quite a few accepted students that get drunk or come off as aloof or jerks. But as this could be the first impression you're making on people who could be working with you for the next 5 years (or for your career, who knows) don't be one of them. As for finding you incompetent? How would they do so? They're not going to be grilling you - an accepted students' visit is an opportunity for them to convince you to come. They've already determined that you're competent enough. Besides they know that you're beginning your grad studies, so they know that you're not going to be up to speed on everything right off the bat.

[juilletmercredi]

As for telling graduate students, I'd share if they ask. The grad students are not going to hold it against you since we've just been through the same process, and we might have some intelligence on the other programs via friends or colleagues we know there When I told other grad students about my other offers, they said things like "Those are good schools, you should consider them" and how to choose between packages and stuff.

Here, when we ask prospectives about the funding they've gotten, we're not asking out of jealousy or competition. We're asking to better advise students who want to come. For example, a recent prospective visited and then told us that she wasn't offered *any* funding, and the overwhelming response was that she shouldn't come at all if she didn't have any money (she didn't). This program is far too expensive and the payoff is not good enough.

I never mind telling other prospectives and grad students exactly how much I make and how easy/difficult it is to live on here. I think that information is vital for your quality of life. And my fellow students and I kvetch about our salaries all the time when we get together for social events, lol.

[pawqara]

During a visit to one school I asked the grad students how much they were making and the quality of life they could afford. They were very nice, explained how poor I was going to be, but how rewarding the program was. It never crossed my mind it was awkward or rude to do this...

[space-cat]

It never crossed my mind it was awkward or rude to do this...

When I compared asking about funding to asking about someone's salary, I was actually thinking of fellow admitted students asking the OP what the department had offered him. As in, "here's what I got, did you get more or less?" Which does seem a little gauche.

Looks like I misunderstood the OP's question, though. I completely support honest financial discussions with current students!

Edited March 4, 2011 by space-cat