I don't drink... help!

[Arcadian]

LOL, I just got back from my interview/visit, and I have an anecdote relevant to this topic.

We (six visitors) were invited to go to a bar with three grad students and one high-ranking professor. This is probably an uncommon situation, so it won't happen to most of you, but this professor is particularly boisterous and overbearing (perhaps even arrogant), so he actually made fun of me when I drank water at the bar. It wasn't too bad; he just made one sarcastic comment like, "He orders water!" Don't get me wrong, he's a pretty cool guy - he was basically informally interviewing us in a casual setting - but his personality definitely clashes with mine, and I discovered that I would not want to work with him as a graduate adviser. His personality is fine for "hanging out," but he doesn't adjust his demeanor appropriately to the situation. He doesn't seem to take anyone or anything seriously - except himself, which he takes too seriously.

Edited March 12, 2011 by Arcadian

[reimaginethis]

This is sort of a funny topic for me.

I don't drink. 1) I don't like the taste of alcohol. 2) I'm diabetic, and alcohol is the mortal (literally) enemy of diabetics.

So everything in my program involves alcohol. Conferences? Alcohol. Meetings with advisor and research team? Alcohol. Receptions for guest speakers at school? Alcohol. (I'm at a university that has no problem serving alcohol at on-campus events.) Social gatherings with other students? Lots of alcohol. Lunch with other students? Alcohol.

It never ends.

And I always drink water or Diet Coke. Yes, sometimes I get looked at funny, and occasionally someone will make a strange or funny remark. I just roll with it. I'm not all that interested in fitting in anyway. Grad school is full of clones. Be yourself. Do your thing. Don't worry about it.

Edited March 12, 2011 by reimaginethis

[truckbasket]

I also don't drink and have had no repercussions. Watch out for conferences, though; nerds really know how to let loose at those things!

[Kathiza]

We (six visitors) were invited to go to a bar with three grad students and one high-ranking professor. This is probably an uncommon situation, so it won't happen to most of you, but this professor is particularly boisterous and overbearing (perhaps even arrogant), so he actually made fun of me when I drank water at the bar. It wasn't too bad; he just made one sarcastic comment like, "He orders water!" Don't get me wrong, he's a pretty cool guy - he was basically informally interviewing us in a casual setting - but his personality definitely clashes with mine, and I discovered that I would not want to work with him as a graduate adviser. His personality is fine for "hanging out," but he doesn't adjust his demeanor appropriately to the situation. He doesn't seem to take anyone or anything seriously - except himself, which he takes too seriously.

Are you sure he didn't do this just to provoke you? I had a scholarship interview and the interviewer was extremely verbally aggressive. He told me my research was worthless (in other words, but that was basically what he said), he told me to do something completely different with my life etc. And in the end I got the scholarship and I understood that he just wanted to provoke me and see if I stand by my opinion/choices or if I say anything just to please him. Maybe this professor just tried to put you in an awkward situation to see how you'd react and if you'd feel intimidated etc. Just an idea...

[phdsucceed]

Are you sure he didn't do this just to provoke you? I had a scholarship interview and the interviewer was extremely verbally aggressive. He told me my research was worthless (in other words, but that was basically what he said), he told me to do something completely different with my life etc. And in the end I got the scholarship and I understood that he just wanted to provoke me and see if I stand by my opinion/choices or if I say anything just to please him. Maybe this professor just tried to put you in an awkward situation to see how you'd react and if you'd feel intimidated etc. Just an idea...

That's called behavioral interviewing.

I'm a postdoc in science, and there's a lot of alcohol--and a lot of talk about research and collaboration happens over alcohol. You absolutely don't have to drink it, but you do have to be prepared to have people riff on you about it, just as they might riff about what sports teams you like. Learn to riff back in a friendly way (though maybe not about the booze). The key thing is that whenever people ask if you want to get a drink, say "Sure," and then get your Diet Coke or whatever and have a good time. The "Do you want to get a drink?" is just code for doing science in a more fun and personal context. I think my field's vaguely alcoholic habits probably stem from the fact that a lot of the science in it is done by people in countries with a strong drinking culture.

p.s. I should add that I don't think the interviewer was consciously attempting to use behavioral interviewing techniques on you. At least where I've worked, it's far more common just to get blatantly teased. Of course, the interviewer probably would've been worried if you couldn't stand up for yourself.

Edited March 12, 2011 by phdsucceed

[a fragrant plant]

I am not a drinker either. I just don't like the bitter taste of alcohol. Having said that, I do like Kopparberg's pear cider or elderflower cider. Their ciders don't have the bitter taste of alcohol. It's actually more like soda. You can try it out next time you're in IKEA

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

Oh man, I fear a few in this thread have never explored to world of micro or home brew. Forget piss water, you need to get yourself a brown ale or hefeweizen (for starters).

Though I didn't drink at my interviews either, I'm already awkward/goofy enough

[michpc]

Oh man, I fear a few in this thread have never explored to world of micro or home brew. Forget piss water, you need to get yourself a brown ale or hefeweizen (for starters).

Though I didn't drink at my interviews either, I'm already awkward/goofy enough

it's a good IPA all the way for me.

[Tall Chai Latte]

I had this experience some time ago, when I went out with my lab to grab some drinks. We had two pitchers of cocktail, by the second glass I was already super red and tipsy (as you can see, I am no drinker). But socializing still has to go on right? In grad school, there will be plenty of events with alcohol present. What I decided to do is: every time when there's an event with alcohol present, try to go for just beer. Don't chuck it down like there's no tomorrow (someone mentioned it before). As you move along with grad school, you will notice where your limit is, and strictly adhere to that limit. Nothing is more important than stay coherent and safe.

Hope this helps!

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

it's a good IPA all the way for me.

My absolute favorite is a gueze (especially Cuvee Rene), but I didn't want to suggest anything too crazy for starters

I have an IPA fermenting in my closet, thanks to my boyfriend...can't wait for spring drinking on the porch!

[michpc]

My absolute favorite is a gueze (especially Cuvee Rene), but I didn't want to suggest anything too crazy for starters

I have an IPA fermenting in my closet, thanks to my boyfriend...can't wait for spring drinking on the porch!

ooh, I'm jealous! I can't wait for some good outdoor, warm weather sipping; soon enough!

[KellyBean]

If it makes you feel better, I had part of an interview at a bar and just got water. I like drinking, but I'm also an incredible light weight ( 1 drink tipsy, 2 drinks drunk). No one seemed phased by my drink choice, and one of the other girls interviewing got water too. I think their goal is to get you in a more relaxed atmosphere and talk like genuine people, not test if your a 'cool' person who can keep up beer for beer.

[goodmp]

There are lots of times when colleagues will want to meet at a bar or something and I have stuff going on early the next day and don't want to deal with the headache. Ordering a tonic water with lime ends up looking exactly like a gin and tonic and people just assume I am drinking and don't hassle me at all. As an added bonus, you can drink a bunch of them and look like you're a real trooper. They also usually have free refills which makes it even better.

[newms]

Just to add to what everyone is saying, it really is perfectly ok to not have alcohol on outings. At a visiting weekend I went to, the grad students took out the prospective students to a pub and when a couple students said they didn't drink alcohol, they were offered water or soda by the grad students. Nobody thought anything of it.

[Kathiza]

There are lots of times when colleagues will want to meet at a bar or something and I have stuff going on early the next day and don't want to deal with the headache.

But why will one have a headache after drinking? Does "drinking" always mean "getting drunk"?

I mean it's perfectly okay if somebody does not drink at all... So I don't want to convince people to drink or something like that (I have a talent of putting things the wrong way, so I wanted to make that clear: drink or don't drink - it's everybody's own choice!) BUT: For so many Americans, drinking is associated with getting drunk, having a headache etc. Why is that? Why can't people just have a glass of wine with their dinner? Or a single cocktail after work just for the taste of it? Drinking can also mean getting A (singular!) drink, and not just getting hammered and vomiting on the dress shoes of your future adviser...

[Milo_10011]

Simplest way around this:

1. Go to the bar.

2. Order a Coke.

3. The only people who will care are ... actually, no one will care.

[dgobox]

Yep, as many have already written, this is definitely not an 'issue' or 'problem'. Nevertheless, it's good that you asked in light of your concern. I hope that you now feel better about the whole thing.

[id quid]

But why will one have a headache after drinking? Does "drinking" always mean "getting drunk"?

I mean it's perfectly okay if somebody does not drink at all... So I don't want to convince people to drink or something like that (I have a talent of putting things the wrong way, so I wanted to make that clear: drink or don't drink - it's everybody's own choice!) BUT: For so many Americans, drinking is associated with getting drunk, having a headache etc. Why is that? Why can't people just have a glass of wine with their dinner? Or a single cocktail after work just for the taste of it? Drinking can also mean getting A (singular!) drink, and not just getting hammered and vomiting on the dress shoes of your future adviser...

I thought I'd comment that it doesn't take more than 1 or 2 drinks (where drink = actual serving size) to give me a headache. It's not about getting drunk, it's just the way I react to alcohol.

To the topic of the thread: I'm not a drinker. I don't like the taste of alcohol with the exception of some beers. I get my drinks virgin. They look like a "real" drink, so no one asks me questions. (And for what it's worth, I don't do it for the looks - I do it because it's a legitimate excuse to get a pretty soda!)

Edited April 7, 2011 by saecla vincere

[Kathiza]

(And for what it's worth, I don't do it for the looks - I do it because it's a legitimate excuse to get a pretty soda!)

Haha, I like that! :-)

I'm sorry if my comments may seem a little harsh... It's just I come from a culture where drinking is part of many things. We like having wine for dinner (or beer - but I don't drink beer), and we like going out for drinks. So it's just a normal thing for me. But not a big deal AT ALL if somebody does not drink. (I'm not a big drinker - as I said I just like a glass every now and then). And I have the feeling that in many countries that have very strict regulations concerning drinking - like the US or UK (my country does not have that at all) drinking is such a big deal, which for me it really isn't. It's normal - but it's just as normal if somebody does not drink.