Really sad about my decision...

[lost-in-interpretation]

I just talked with a professor at an awesome awesome school (let's call it A) that I've decided I can't go to mainly because of location. Luckily I have another awesome awesome school with a good location that I'll be attending, but I felt really bad after talking with that first professor. I guess mainly cause I'm doubting if I made the right decision for the right reasons (the professor at school A is probably better than school B, and school A is ranked higher, though only marginally and depending on the ranking system). I know there's almost nothing that could make me change my current decision, but still. Anyone else feel really bummed about turning people down, even though you're happy with the school you're going to? I don't look forward to sending e-mails to the rest of the schools about not going, since every school had a professor who kept really in touch with me... :-( I dunno, this should be a time when I'm really happy about my future, but I just feel down about all this...

Edited March 23, 2011 by lost-in-interpretation

[theatrehippie]

Oh my goodness, yes! I haven't actually turned anyone down yet because I am still waiting on some funding results and admissions decisions, but I just feel awful as it is that I can't go to all of the schools that I applied to/have been admitted to. I genuinely want to go to all of them for various reasons. I know I will be happy with whatever my final choice is, since I didn't apply anywhere that I didn't truly want to go, but that makes choosing between them that much harder.

[borderlands]

I'm also kind of in the same boat. Rejecting a graduate program after one has met the faculty, as well as the graduate students, and one has continued to be in contact with them can be hard.

National rankings as well as funding has made one school more attractive than the other. I feel I have a better connection with faculty at the lesser ranked and funded graduate program although both are great schools. This latter program is really exited about the prospect of me attending their school and more than one professor in the program has contacted my undergraduate advisor--all of this, for me to simply say "I'm sorry but rankings and more funding does matter" . . .

[tragicomix]

I know exactly what you mean.

I had to send a rejection e-mail to one of my POIs yesterday and it was simultaneously terrifying and heartbreaking. I have four more of these to send out and I'm feeling terrible about it.

[newms]

Hey, don't worry about it. It's only part of the process and the profs won't take it personally. Just let them know that you decided to attend X (feel free to state the university you'll be attending if you want) and thank them for the consideration they gave you. I had to do this myself, and while it's not easy, it's just a part of the process.

[soramimicake]

Don't worry about it! I know that's hard to do, but I just had to e-mail a bunch of people that I'd been talking to from other schools, including one school that I did a summer program at and got really close with some of the faculty. It's hard, but everybody who responded to me was really supportive and wished me the best of luck. And if they don't respond or are weird about it, then you can be glad that you decided not to go there!

[Bumblebee]

Don't feel bad about it. I'm on the other side. I met one of the prospective students during his campus visit and few days later he said he had accepted an offer from a different school. I totally understood his decision. The other school was a much better fit for him and that's what matters. So don't worry, they should be understanding about it.

[michpc]

I'm totally stressing about doing this, especially if schools I end up rejecting were ones that were pressing for earlier decisions...

[neuropsychosocial]

I think that it's very normal to feel mixed emotions when closing doors, even if other doors are opening. At the same time, it sounds like you have some external forces (location and whatever is tying you to that location) exerting some pressure on you, which can definitely raise more doubts or mixed emotions.

I clicked on this thread because of your title:

Really sad about my decision: I'm being retarded

I apologize for picking on you when you're feeling down, but I find the phrase "retarded" to be inappropriate in this context. You're sad, not intellectually/developmentally delayed or disabled. As with the phrase "that's gay" to mean "that's not cool," using "retarded" to mean "I shouldn't be feeling/thinking like this" contributes to the marginalization of individuals. One of my favorite things about the English language is its richness: there are so many creative and explicit ways to express displeasure than just @#&#, and there are a lot of different phrases to express displeasure with oneself than to say "I'm being retarded."

[lost-in-interpretation]

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm just finishing up my declining e-mails to everyone. It feels like I'm breaking up with a million boyfriends or something.

Sorry about the use of retarded, never been actually called out on it before. I essentially wanted to express "I'm being stupid" (like not functioning logically, etc), but I felt the word retarded just expressed my feelings more. I guess lots of things about language are politically gray and it's hard to walk the right line. I mean, totally toned down language can also be very lifeless and boring. I remember in middle school when we couldn't use the word "sucks". And words like dumb, lame, stupid, idiotic, ghetto, etc all make fun of some group of people. Actually I'm having trouble thinking of words you can use to diss something that don't come from something politically incorrect. But yeah, I guess I'll try to be more careful...

[looking!]

I completely understand this feeling. I am choosing between School A and B and they are both great schools! One has a GREAT POI and structured program, the other is a prestigious university with 2-3 really interesting professors. Both schools have been in touch with me about my decision and the former school even pressed me a little hard to come to them. While all that is flattering, you can only say yes to one school. And honestly, I like the latter because I can see myself there.

I havent yet sent my decisions out as I want to make a "logical" informed decision, but I will say you are facing a good problem. Because you will end up in a place you like for whatever reasons, no matter what u choose. Also, even if there are a few regrets later, you ll know why you chose that school over the other. Which makes a WORLD of difference, trust me.

All the Best!

[qbtacoma]

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm just finishing up my declining e-mails to everyone. It feels like I'm breaking up with a million boyfriends or something.

Sorry about the use of retarded, never been actually called out on it before. I essentially wanted to express "I'm being stupid" (like not functioning logically, etc), but I felt the word retarded just expressed my feelings more. I guess lots of things about language are politically gray and it's hard to walk the right line. I mean, totally toned down language can also be very lifeless and boring. I remember in middle school when we couldn't use the word "sucks". And words like dumb, lame, stupid, idiotic, ghetto, etc all make fun of some group of people. Actually I'm having trouble thinking of words you can use to diss something that don't come from something politically incorrect. But yeah, I guess I'll try to be more careful...

Asshole is a delightfully universal insult. Everyone has one (well, except for some clams, which periodically "vomit" out waste products. They must have had some parasite or something getting access to them through the anus).

I am also partial to asshat, douche, douchenozzle, or any insult based on mythological creatures ("God, that dude is such a time vampire." "What a fucking Rumpelstiltskin.")

And as to the main discussion - it sounds like the OP's choice of schools was apples to apples as far as academic quality, so taking location into account is an appropriate choice. After all, you have to live there for a long time.

[MoJingly]

Asshole is a delightfully universal insult. Everyone has one (well, except for some clams, which periodically "vomit" out waste products. They must have had some parasite or something getting access to them through the anus).

Um, thanks for making me cringe.

[qbtacoma]

Um, thanks for making me cringe.

Anytime! Seems I inadvertently do that to you often.

ETA: Also, I just spent the morning researching nineteenth century treatments for cholera, so my ability to get squicked out over, er, the digestive system is not that high.

Edited March 25, 2011 by qbtacoma