Commiseration

[gnetophyte]

Hello, everyone,

I'm a first-year student in a Ph.D. program in Plant Biology. The past twelve months have just been ... argh. Alternating between on top of the world and the pit of despair, about every week or so. Real research is hard! Undergrad research was all fun and games. When I look at the whole thesis thing I have ahead of me, I don't know if I'm good enough, but every time I do an experiment and it works I feel brilliant.

When I applied for Ph.D. programs, I was a starry-eyed liberal arts student and I figured I was going to try for a Nobel Prize someday. Pretty naive. Now that I've learned more about the actual grit of academia, I think I might go for a job in biotech. Now I find that I could get a good job with just an MS. But I could get an even better one with a Ph.D. if I stick it out for three additional years...

I hate, hate, HATE the snow in this part of the country. I've just endured a four-month-long winter and the prospect of three or four more winters is daunting.

Sometimes I get lonely. I work at maintaining an active social life with the grad club and the fantasy writer's group in the city, but I feel guilty whenever I'm not in the lab. And my PI has really high standards.

Writing a dissertation feels like I'm going to have to climb Mount Everest, but I look back at the past year, and I've made so much progress, and I just don't know. And looking at the forums here, it seems like just about every other grad student in existence is going through the same thing. Can we commiserate, please?

P.S.

Plus, I don't know where my funding is going to come from next year. Waiting on a bed of nails to hear back from the NSF fellowship in a couple of weeks.

[eklavya]

I can feel your pain, although I share none of it. I have seen people in my lab and others who have lost interest in their research, fight hard to maintain a balance between social and academic life, and feel lost in general stuff. Their life is not totally miserable, but they certainly are not enjoying what they are doing. In my opinion, the problem is that most of these students (and perhaps you as well... sorry for pointing fingers at you though) jump into the grad ship without knowing where they want to go. Sure, grad school sounds cool, nerdy and full of promises, but not knowing the destination means losing control of the voyage, no matter how good you are at navigating.

But trust me, it gets better. Right now, you are at the stage which most, if not all grad students (of all programs) have been through. If they made it, so can you. But take one step at a time. Do your research. Go to your classes. Breathe. Discuss with your peers. Look current literature. Revise your methods. Orient yourself. Build a network so that you can land a job once you are done.

As for the weather, treat it as an adventure. You hate it right now because you seem to lose focus of your goal. My request is that dedicate yourself to your work (of course, be socially active as well), and keep in mind that you want to get out with good publications and a solid network. You will not know how fast time will pass by. After you are done, you will have the ultimate freedom to work wherever you want. So, just hang in there buddy!

Also, I recommend you to read the following article. It's written by a CS guy, but is applicable for grad students in any field. If you've already read it, go through it again. It really is a morale booster.

http://www.cs.unc.edu/~azuma/hitch4.html

[beanbagchairs]

Hi gnetophyte,

Hang in there! I am not yet a PhD student. I'll be starting mine in the fall;but, I completed a research-based MS before. I somewhat know what you are going through. There were times during my research that I felt despair. Why didnt it work??? All of these failures exposed me to another related problem that I was able to solve. So, my publication did not look anything like my research proposal . Before I was able to find how to fix my research, I had a lot of self-doubt, running away from my professors* (I kid you not, that I actually know that it was him approaching by the sound of his foot-steps), not wanting to pursue PhD, etc. All of these inferiority feelings are gone when you reached your ultimate goal: seeing your publications/thesis done. The road to that is certainly is not easy.

*"Running away from professors" does not mean that I dont want to meet him. In the time that I need a high concentration level and produce a higher work output, I like to be left alone. My professor was a hands-off kind of guy. So, it worked out perfectly.

When I look at the whole thesis thing I have ahead of me, I don't know if I'm good enough,

----> You ARE good enough. They picked you remember! I dont think I've ever met any single graduate student that never thought that they were not good enough for grad school at some point in their graduate student life. Even those competitive gunners had some of these moments.

but every time I do an experiment and it works I feel brilliant.

-----> Embrace it.

When I applied for Ph.D. programs, I was a starry-eyed liberal arts student and I figured I was going to try for a Nobel Prize someday. Pretty naive

-----> I once had this conversation with my professor:

me: I think my thesis is crap, I need to improve it.

prof: but, the method you just proposed is very good.

me: but, it's not grand (I had what I thought to be a kindergarten-level improvement to an existing theory)

prof: It NEVER is.

Having said that, I dont think there's anything wrong about aiming high. I highly recommend you reading Richard Hamming's lecture in Bell labs about characteristics of great scientists. He stated that those who succeed amongst us are the ones that have tremendous drive. He also talked about John Tukey in that lecture. Hamming and Tukey in my field are *great* scientists. They discovered many --not just one-- fundamental theories.

http://www.cs.virgin...urResearch.html

But I could get an even better one with a Ph.D. if I stick it out for three additional years...

----> You can use this as one of your motivation to get a PhD

I hate, hate, HATE the snow in this part of the country. I've just endured a four-month-long winter and the prospect of three or four more winters is daunting.

----> You dont have to stay in that part of the country AFTER you finish your PhD. If you dont finish yours, you'll probably hate that place much more.

Sometimes I get lonely. I work at maintaining an active social life with the grad club and the fantasy writer's group in the city, but I feel guilty whenever I'm not in the lab. And my PI has really high standards.

------> You need to take care of yourself: working out, keeping up with social circles, etc. Dont feel guilty about it. PhD is a marathon not a sprint.

Plus, I don't know where my funding is going to come from next year

----> Here's hoping you'll get the fellowship

[Eigen]

For a support group, I find that my cohort still is the best I have.

There are three of us that still hang out and do lunch and dinner and beers after work quite frequently, and we're all in similar stages of our program, with similar stresses and frustrations.

We all complain to each other about our bosses quirks, our woes with trying to train our undergraduates, the frustrations of our research feeling like it's not going anywhere, our morose over a periodic lack of motivation, etc. Just having someone to talk to and knowing that other people have similar problems can be really helpful.

[gnetophyte]

Thank you, everybody. Yeah, it's going to be okay. I just have to stick my head out the window and scream sometimes.

[Eigen]

Thank you, everybody. Yeah, it's going to be okay. I just have to stick my head out the window and scream sometimes.

I completely relate.

That's why I think having your cohort as a support group is so important... When I have had a really bad morning/day/week and need someone to vent to, they're just the length of a hallway down, in their office- and we can talk there, go grab coffee, or take a long lunch.

[Sparky]

I completely relate.

That's why I think having your cohort as a support group is so important... When I have had a really bad morning/day/week and need someone to vent to, they're just the length of a hallway down, in their office- and we can talk there, go grab coffee, or take a long lunch.

That's lovely for you.

Some of us have cohort-mates whose inferiority complex (it's grad school--we've all got one) manifests itself through putting down other people. I miss the people at my MA school.

Edited March 27, 2011 by Sparky

[Eigen]

That's lovely for you.

Some of us have cohort-mates whose inferiority complex (it's grad school--we've all got one) manifests itself through putting down other people. I miss the people at my MA school.

I would recommend going outside your department if this is the case. I've met some people in completely different fields that started my same year, and they're just as helpful with venting frustrations and commiserating.

I do feel very sorry for you if there's no one in your department you can talk to and commiserate with, however.

[eklavya]

or, come to gradcafe whenever you need to commiserate. after all, we do have few thousand shoulders to lean on and sob!!