Radical Change of Heart/Mind

[litperson6541]

Please advise me. How bad is it to turn down a funded offer if you begin to realize that your subfield might be too narrow or if you simply have grown less and less keen on the idea of a phd (especially in this economy) or if you do not want to relocate to a new city (or all of the aforementioned)? How bad does it look if you also got your ma from that same institution, given that there may be a desire to apply again to other schools in the future and you might need to turn again to your letter writers (imagining that you would not reapply to this same school again). My struggle with moving away from where I am currently living is contributing to my ambivalence, but certainly this struggle has more components to it than simply anticipating homesickness (death in the immediate family; impossible for my boyfriend to relocate with me; a host of other reasons). I am of course aware that I may never receive the great luck again of getting into a phd program. Any advice? More generally, anyone here ever turn down a funded offer with no other offers on the table that year? Wish to share your reason(s) as to why? Thanks.

[hopefulwoolfian]

Please advise me. How bad is it to turn down a funded offer if you begin to realize that your subfield might be too narrow or if you simply have grown less and less keen on the idea of a phd (especially in this economy) or if you do not want to relocate to a new city (or all of the aforementioned)? How bad does it look if you also got your ma from that same institution, given that there may be a desire to apply again to other schools in the future and you might need to turn again to your letter writers (imagining that you would not reapply to this same school again). My struggle with moving away from where I am currently living is contributing to my ambivalence, but certainly this struggle has more components to it than simply anticipating homesickness (death in the immediate family; impossible for my boyfriend to relocate with me; a host of other reasons). I am of course aware that I may never receive the great luck again of getting into a phd program. Any advice? More generally, anyone here ever turn down a funded offer with no other offers on the table that year? Wish to share your reason(s) as to why? Thanks.

I can't really speak to how badly it looks, but I've been advised by multiple people to not go for a PhD unless you are very sure it is something you want to do. Programs can be so difficult and isolating (again, not based on personal experience yet) that if you're having serious doubts already, it will only get worse. If it was only based on worries about moving away (though I do realize that is a very important factor), that would be less of a red flag, but if the PhD is definitely looking less attractive to you for academic reasons, you really might want to take some time to evaluate it, because it's going to be 5 to 7 years of your life. Is there any option to defer for a year?

[stillthisappeal]

I don't think it's a big deal. Most graduate programs have waiting lists, and many are able to carry-over unused funding from one year to the next. If you are worried about your reputation, it might make sense to speak with the DGS via phone and explain (without too many details) that this simply isn't the right time in your life to start work on a PhD.

[litperson6541]

Thanks, guys. I also am really fearing that the school might not be a perfect fit for me anymore. And I am very afraid of damaging my reputation, especially since I have shown interest until now (again, it's not that I am not enthusiastic and interested...it's just that certain important variables have been shifting in my mind a lot as of late and making me reevaluate the offer).

[Dr. Juice]

I don't think it's a big deal. Most graduate programs have waiting lists, and many are able to carry-over unused funding from one year to the next. If you are worried about your reputation, it might make sense to speak with the DGS via phone and explain (without too many details) that this simply isn't the right time in your life to start work on a PhD.

i think this ^ sounds wise, especially the part about speaking to your referrers either over the phone or in person. at least, that's how i'd handle it. i'd want to be able to gauge how annoyed/disappointed they sound and/or if they seem like they'd be willing to write for me in the future. you can never have enough contacts, and it's good to maintain them.

Thanks, guys. I also am really fearing that the school might not be a perfect fit for me anymore. And I am very afraid of damaging my reputation, especially since I have shown interest until now (again, it's not that I am not enthusiastic and interested...it's just that certain important variables have been shifting in my mind a lot as of late and making me reevaluate the offer).

could you just be getting cold feet? another option could be to enroll, do well in classes, your TA, etc., and then transfer to another school. you could also just use the funding to buy yourself time to look for a job; this way, even if you don't find anything, you're still enrolled, working towards a goal, and supporting yourself financially.

i hope things get better for you. i know it can be so difficult to get the ball rolling on a career/lifestyle.

[litperson6541]

i think this ^ sounds wise, especially the part about speaking to your referrers either over the phone or in person. at least, that's how i'd handle it. i'd want to be able to gauge how annoyed/disappointed they sound and/or if they seem like they'd be willing to write for me in the future. you can never have enough contacts, and it's good to maintain them.

could you just be getting cold feet? another option could be to enroll, do well in classes, your TA, etc., and then transfer to another school. you could also just use the funding to buy yourself time to look for a job; this way, even if you don't find anything, you're still enrolled, working towards a goal, and supporting yourself financially.

i hope things get better for you. i know it can be so difficult to get the ball rolling on a career/lifestyle.

Dr. Juice, I trust you because you're a doctor...

I think it is possible that I am getting cold feet. I think talking to my letter writers and the DGS would be a really great idea in order to get a sense of how I would be perceived in the future. Your point about transferring is interesting...it was always my impression that this was not looked at very favorably, but if you think otherwise I would be interested in maybe if you knew anyone who did this or why your impression might be different from mine (in fact my impression of it being looked down on is really based on vague things I have read on the internet rather than any conversations I have had with any profs or students). I might lean toward thinking that bowing out now might be preferable to bowing out after a year, but again, I am interested if you or others can give me more advice about the possibility of transferring.

[aerisgarnet]

Transferring is not really unusual or terribly frowned upon. While your program would probably prefer that you stay, it will, in all likelihood, understand your choice to transfer. People transfer for all sorts of reasons (a POI leaves, they learn that the program wasn't what they expected it to be, etc.). In fact, I do know several assistant professors who transferred when they were grad students (they got their M.A.s at the program, and then just applied to different PhD programs).

Dr. Juice, I trust you because you're a doctor...

I think it is possible that I am getting cold feet. I think talking to my letter writers and the DGS would be a really great idea in order to get a sense of how I would be perceived in the future. Your point about transferring is interesting...it was always my impression that this was not looked at very favorably, but if you think otherwise I would be interested in maybe if you knew anyone who did this or why your impression might be different from mine (in fact my impression of it being looked down on is really based on vague things I have read on the internet rather than any conversations I have had with any profs or students). I might lean toward thinking that bowing out now might be preferable to bowing out after a year, but again, I am interested if you or others can give me more advice about the possibility of transferring.

[Dr. Juice]

Dr. Juice, I trust you because you're a doctor...

I think it is possible that I am getting cold feet. I think talking to my letter writers and the DGS would be a really great idea in order to get a sense of how I would be perceived in the future. Your point about transferring is interesting...it was always my impression that this was not looked at very favorably, but if you think otherwise I would be interested in maybe if you knew anyone who did this or why your impression might be different from mine (in fact my impression of it being looked down on is really based on vague things I have read on the internet rather than any conversations I have had with any profs or students). I might lean toward thinking that bowing out now might be preferable to bowing out after a year, but again, I am interested if you or others can give me more advice about the possibility of transferring.

i'm sorry, i'm not actually a doctor (although i do have the juice), so definitely don't follow my advice based on that.

in terms of cold feet, i'm in the same boat as you. i'm reading a lot about the Humanities, particularly at The Chronicle, and the picture certainly does look bleak in terms of future job prospects. i mean, there are accomplished English professors on that site telling us we're committing career suicide by pursuing doctoral studies. my response? this is the field i love, and this is where my talents lie. we didn't choose to be highly sensitive and analytical readers and profound writers: these are our skill sets. i understand the risks, and i'm still moving forward. i'm going to try to find a niche for myself by doing non-academic internships and, if possible, business-related electives in addition to preparing for my specialization. the future worries me, too, but i can't not pursue the PhD. even if i become established in a career and reach financial stability without studying for the doctorate, i'll always feel there's something missing.

haha, that sounds impassioned doesn't it? how corny...but about transferring: one of my peers from undergrad followed this path. he initially enrolled at a 3rd-rate school immediately after his BA. he applied for the terminal master's, went through the application process again, and now he's studying at CUNY. pretty cunning move, in my opinion: get the "easy" MA-level stuff out of the way and do the dissertation at a top-15 school. plus, in my opinion, it's nice to get experience working with different faculty groups at different universities.

anyway, i feel your pain in terms of job prospects, but maybe if we're conscious of that now rather than in year 6, we'll be able to make ourselves much more marketable down the road. the people i truly pity are those who assume that all they need to do is get good grades and a tenure-track gig at a major uni will fall in their laps. we're all really bright to have made it this far, and we worked hard putting together prime applications. it would be a shame to let it go unless we were really sure. since you have until April 15 to bow out in a legitimate, non-offensive way, why not take a few days to mull it over?

[litperson6541]

i'm sorry, i'm not actually a doctor (although i do have the juice), so definitely don't follow my advice based on that.

in terms of cold feet, i'm in the same boat as you. i'm reading a lot about the Humanities, particularly at The Chronicle, and the picture certainly does look bleak in terms of future job prospects. i mean, there are accomplished English professors on that site telling us we're committing career suicide by pursuing doctoral studies. my response? this is the field i love, and this is where my talents lie. we didn't choose to be highly sensitive and analytical readers and profound writers: these are our skill sets. i understand the risks, and i'm still moving forward. i'm going to try to find a niche for myself by doing non-academic internships and, if possible, business-related electives in addition to preparing for my specialization. the future worries me, too, but i can't not pursue the PhD. even if i become established in a career and reach financial stability without studying for the doctorate, i'll always feel there's something missing.

haha, that sounds impassioned doesn't it? how corny...but about transferring: one of my peers from undergrad followed this path. he initially enrolled at a 3rd-rate school immediately after his BA. he applied for the terminal master's, went through the application process again, and now he's studying at CUNY. pretty cunning move, in my opinion: get the "easy" MA-level stuff out of the way and do the dissertation at a top-15 school. plus, in my opinion, it's nice to get experience working with different faculty groups at different universities.

anyway, i feel your pain in terms of job prospects, but maybe if we're conscious of that now rather than in year 6, we'll be able to make ourselves much more marketable down the road. the people i truly pity are those who assume that all they need to do is get good grades and a tenure-track gig at a major uni will fall in their laps. we're all really bright to have made it this far, and we worked hard putting together prime applications. it would be a shame to let it go unless we were really sure. since you have until April 15 to bow out in a legitimate, non-offensive way, why not take a few days to mull it over?

Ended up having an exchange with one of my letter writers over email, and he is encouraging me to attend despite my personal difficulties. I feel that if I were to give him more complete information (ie, I think the program might not be right for me anymore and I am afraid that the way the program situates its particular strengths will be a bane for me when it comes time for me to present my own strengths on the job market) he might be less encouraging. And of course there is the fact that I might never have this opportunity again! Thank you for your response, Dr. Juice. I, too, am really nervous about job prospects. I guess I need more time, as you suggested, to think about it.

[ZeeMore21]

It might be cold feet, like others have suggested. I definitely would wait until April 15th to make your final decision...and in the meantime, ask people (i.e professors, advisors, mentors, family, friends) for any advice they can give to help guide you to the best decision. Wish you luck! I'm sure you will do the right thing.

[abookbumble]

From what I've heard from friends who are currently enrolled in programs, and from where I'm standing personally, it's perfectly normal to have (serious) doubts, both before and during a program (and, according to some profs I love and respect, after, as well). It sounds like you're really going through a rough time, and that will definitely skew the way you're looking at everything in your life, including a graduate program. If you can-- and again, with the stuff you're going through, it probably won't be easy-- try and consider how you would feel if you didn't pursue the opportunity you have in front of you, say a year from now. Do you think this is just an overall feeling of dread due to a combination of personal issues and all the things we've been hearing about the job market, etc.? Or do you really believe this is something you don't love, aren't passionate about, and want to leave behind you? I don't think any of us is in this for the money, and we're generally driven by some kind of passion, but that doesn't mean we never doubt ourselves.

As for the not-so-distant future and the job market, here's a quick story: I have a friend who wanted to be a high school art teacher. Someone told her she'd never find work, so she studied to be a math teacher instead. She's done some work, but now has to look for a new job, and has said that people have been telling her she'll never find work as a math teacher, and she's thinking of being an accountant. Does that sound like insanity to you? It does to me! (I told her so, too!) It's hard to get a job everywhere right now; if you step away from something that drives you just because you feel something else that you feel no passion for is "safe," that's when it's time to really start worrying. The future is definitely uncertain, but make sure you're not being scared off by talk, because that's all it is-- talk.