Embarrassing, awkward times!

[marginalia]

Nothing compares to the mortification-potential of major life choices, so I figured I'd start a topic for folks to get things off of their chests.

Grammar mistakes in front of POIs? Why yes! Nervous twitching, forgetting Derrida's name in front of potential future classmates? Ghastly, embarrassing things happen to the best of them, but sometimes it's nice to share and be reminded that other people are in the same boat and that everything will be ok.

Go for it, nervous future grads!

[marginalia]

Oh, right! The sharing part--

I for one managed to hold an incredibly nervous conversation with a grad director I ran into again at the airport and follow it up by tripping, fairly dramatically, over her colleague/traveling companion as I fled the scene.

(This is really the tip of the iceberg for me, unfortunately. I truly am mostly normal when I'm not nervous, but good gracious am I grateful I was accepted to schools before my ability to unintentionally sabotage first impressions had its wicked way with my future!)

Edited April 2, 2011 by marginalia

[poco_puffs]

This happened during the weekend that I visited, and it still happens to this day: I stumble over my words, get tongue-tied, stutter a bit, misspeak etc, but rather than recover gracefully I do this weird Porky Pig cartoon over-exaggeration of my error with what has GOT to be a bizarre eye-rolling look on my face before continuing.

Currently trying to erase this from my repertoire of behavioral and verbal tics, but it's a tough one.

I also frequently forget my research interests after about three-quarters of the way through my spiel. Try to look poised when your interests seem to trail off, your face goes blank, and then the only words that come to mind are "...and stuff like that." Sip wine, look at how empty your glass is, and walk away after mumbling something about a refill. Repeat as needed.

I hear it gets better over time, but never goes away entirely.

On the bright side, everyone I've met in the department is human (no unforgivingly perfect borgycylondroidtrons) and everyone has some flaw about which they are overly self-conscious, even if everyone else thinks they're lovely and perfect. It sort of gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when I realize that we're all stuttery, inarticulate, sweaty-palmed, nervously loud-laughing, occasionally-too-chatty-because-of-coffee-or-wine-at-the-reception geekazoids at one point or another. Even the professors.

[Raputa]

I started talking about Led Zeppelin---at a table of profs, current students and admits during a fancy open-house lunch. Yes, I did. I called them "Zep," even!

Edited April 2, 2011 by Raputa

[soxpuppet]

I started talking about Led Zeppelin---at a table of profs, current students and admits during a fancy open-house lunch. Yes, I did. I called them "Zep," even!

Ha! If that was at "my" school, I can GUARANTEE they loved you for it!

[Raputa]

Ha! If that was at "my" school, I can GUARANTEE they loved you for it!

Haha! I hope so, SP! -- I was aghast at myself!

Edited April 3, 2011 by Raputa

[marginalia]

Haha! I hope so, SP! -- I was aghast at myself!

I think it probably just showed them you're well-rounded! The professors and students at the weekend probably enjoyed getting to talk about something other than lit theory for a couple of minutes. (How boring would it be to have someone in your program with no outside interests?)

[unearthedlurker]

I try to eschew oppressive and gender biased language at all times. I don't usually think about it because it's very natural for me; however, going into the spotlight makes me remind myself "this language is unacceptable so be sure not to use it!" Unfortunately, reaction formation takes over when I'm nervous---so I begin throwing around extremely gender biased language like "It's so nice to meet you guys!" to groups of female professors OR "No skin off my back!" to groups of people of color while attempting to feign ignorance of the actual phrase ("I mean, wait, is that the phrase? I dunno, I don't really know what the phrase is") and drawing more attention to the fact that I've used it and know it's offensive and hurtful for those clued in. Awful. I kick myself for WEEKS afterward.

[poco_puffs]

I try to eschew oppressive and gender biased language at all times. I don't usually think about it because it's very natural for me; however, going into the spotlight makes me remind myself "this language is unacceptable so be sure not to use it!" Unfortunately, reaction formation takes over when I'm nervous---so I begin throwing around extremely gender biased language like "It's so nice to meet you guys!" to groups of female professors OR "No skin off my back!" to groups of people of color while attempting to feign ignorance of the actual phrase ("I mean, wait, is that the phrase? I dunno, I don't really know what the phrase is") and drawing more attention to the fact that I've used it and know it's offensive and hurtful for those clued in. Awful. I kick myself for WEEKS afterward.

Ohhhhhh geez. I feel ya on that one. The guilty face-palm reaction (which is all taking place under a nonchalant exterior) can last for years sometimes.