I got in...

[rainbowworrier]

I've been admitted to a grad program closer to my long-distance significant other, and now a few days later we have broken up. Not because of cheating or fighting or any other incompatibility issue, just crappy timing I guess.

I am still planning to move to attend this amazing program, but I am also feeling dozens of bizarre emotions. Anger, loss, humiliation, confusion, deep sadness, etc.

Has this ever happened to anybody else?

Can anybody help me find the silver lining in all this? I haven't told many of my friends, because they will then assume I won't be moving, but that isn't the case. I've given notice at my job, and nothing is keeping me here where I am now.

I just feel like I've been punched in the gut. Hard.

[mandy]

My ex and I used to be college classmates and we broke up when we are still in college. It took me a while to get used to the fact that we are no longer in a relationship but we still have to run into each other every day. I know it is hard, but it is life. Just try your best to adjust yourself and focus on your new life. Eveything will be fine. It's a matter of time. After you find new things important to you, you will get through the hard moment. I hope you will embrace your new start soon.. Life is about several important choices in your life. Follow your heart and pursue what you want.

[PsyK]

I feel for you. Honestly. And I know that you wish you could focus more on the excitement of attending grad school, but this break-up is probably overwhelming your thoughts and feelings. It's okay if you have to hold off on the excitement for a little while. You're experiencing a loss in your life right now, and it's not easy.

The silver lining is this: you will feel better again. Right now it may not feel that way, but you should eventually find yourself thinking about it less. If you don't, and you feel stuck, don't hesitate to open up to someone about it, whether that's a friend, family member, or therapist. Sometimes it really helps to just vent.

Now that you have more time and space, make yourself a priority. Do the things that you want to do. Put your energy into things that make you happy.

I, too, broke up with my s/o, about a month ago. We just couldn't make it work, but I know it's for the best. I'm moving to Chicago and starting my own, new adventure, and I need this time to immerse myself in school and student life.

I like to believe that certain things do happen for a reason.

[rising_star]

Are you for sure going to the program that's close to your ex? Or, are there other options for you to consider now that the relationship is gone?

[rainbowworrier]

PsyK, thank you so much.

I also believe that things happen for a reason, but it just always hurts when you give your heart to somebody, and they essentially change their mind.

Edited April 10, 2011 by rainbowworrier

[rainbowworrier]

Are you for sure going to the program that's close to your ex? Or, are there other options for you to consider now that the relationship is gone?

Um, yes. I have accepted the offer of admission, and withdrawn or turned down everything else. I've also given notice at my job already.

It's not in the same town, but it is a less than 90 minute drive. So close, but not oppressively so.

Edited April 10, 2011 by rainbowworrier

[Derfasciti]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm going through something similar.

The ex and I had planned to move in together when I went to graduate school. We had been dating for about a year, the latter half of which was really long-distance. After we broke up I found out that she's going to the same school for her MA that I am. Luckily, she's not going for history (like me) but rather something to do with social work. Still, I am absolutely terrified of seeing her and all the potential complications that that might create. I've also gone through some really mixed and really intense emotions about the entire situation. So much so that I was very close to accepting an offer from another school that wasn't offering me anything - whereas I'm getting tuition waiver, a year of study in Europe paid for, plus two MA degrees (history and International Relations) in two years from the one I'm going to. A good deal.

These situations suck. Pure and simple. I unfortunately don't have much in the way of advice except for that things do have a way or working out in the end.

To put it another way, and not to get too emo about it all, sometimes life really really really seems to suck. Your life-long dreams come to fruition but it all seems so bittersweet if the one you were planning on sharing those dreams with all of a sudden decides it's not for him/her afterall. I'm not gonna lie, it'll probably be hard. But at least s/he is 90 minutes away. It's not like you really have to worry about running into him/her on the street. I, unfortunately, do. ha. But we cannot let these things hinder our future. I think I would be ashamed of myself forever if I let myself down in the long-term for short-term comfort.

Edited April 10, 2011 by Derfasciti

[StrangeLight]

It's not in the same town, but it is a less than 90 minute drive. So close, but not oppressively so.

a 90 minute drive is not close when you DON'T want to see someone. it's not like you'll run into each other at the supermarket. learn to cope with the break-up but don't convince yourself that you'll see him/her everywhere. you won't.

[rising_star]

Um, yes. I have accepted the offer of admission, and withdrawn or turned down everything else. I've also given notice at my job already.

It's not in the same town, but it is a less than 90 minute drive. So close, but not oppressively so.

If it's really going to drive you nuts, then you can contact the schools you turned down and see if one of them will still let you attend with funding. But, you should only do that if one of those schools is also a better fit for your interests or a better program overall.

Otherwise, enjoy the freedom that comes with being single, go out with your cohort, explore your new city, etc. 90 minutes is plenty far away to avoid someone.

[veeto]

So sorry to hear that! My first thought as to a silver lining is thank goodness it didn't happen after classes start in September! As awful as this circumstance sounds, at least you'll be able to get ready for the move and the program knowing that you're not together, rather than having the rug pulled out from under you while trying to navigate a new school, city and program. It definitely sucks that some of the glory of your acceptance (congrats!!) is shadowed by the break-up, but you'll really be able to throw yourself into school, and will be in a different mindset, which might be great in terms of making friends, meeting people, and exploring your new home. That punch in the gut feeling is so brutal, but it will slowly ease up...and then you'll be just in time for an awesome fresh start! It's okay if you're really upset and going a little crazy right now - it's normal. Just try to be kind to yourself - you deserve it.

[rainbowworrier]

If it's really going to drive you nuts, then you can contact the schools you turned down and see if one of them will still let you attend with funding. But, you should only do that if one of those schools is also a better fit for your interests or a better program overall.

Nope, this program is perfect. I'm going there, no doubts in my mind.

And yeah, 90 miles is enough that I won't have to see her if I don't want to...

[rainbowworrier]

So sorry to hear that! My first thought as to a silver lining is thank goodness it didn't happen after classes start in September! As awful as this circumstance sounds, at least you'll be able to get ready for the move and the program knowing that you're not together, rather than having the rug pulled out from under you while trying to navigate a new school, city and program. It definitely sucks that some of the glory of your acceptance (congrats!!) is shadowed by the break-up, but you'll really be able to throw yourself into school, and will be in a different mindset, which might be great in terms of making friends, meeting people, and exploring your new home. That punch in the gut feeling is so brutal, but it will slowly ease up...and then you'll be just in time for an awesome fresh start! It's okay if you're really upset and going a little crazy right now - it's normal. Just try to be kind to yourself - you deserve it.

I hear you about it being now and not after the move. I am looking forward to throwing myself into grad school full time. It is her loss.

Yeah, the gut punch feeling is subsiding, a little. I have friends trying to set me up on dates already, but honestly, forget that I'm moving soon, it's just too soon for me to even want to think about being with anybody right now.

Thanks guys for all the advice. I'm a much more smiley girl today. :-)