Jealousy

[studentaffairsgrad]

Since we are all in different programs, let me give you a little background my situation before I get to the question...apologies if I am being too thorough in my explanation.

I'm going to grad school for higher education (student affairs) in the fall. Everyone in my program HAS to have an assistantship. If you aren't offered an assistantship, then you don't get into the program. The assistantship interview is weighted way more than the faculty interview. An assistantship in this field could range from academic advising, to Greek life, to housing, to hundreds of other things. The way interview weekend was set-up at my program, was you get a list of assistantships, apply to the ones you want, they pick who they want to interview, then you preference your top 3 choices.

Housing is always the most competitive, b/c they come with a free apartment and meal plan, a much higher stipend, as well as free parking. Also, a lot of people going into this field were like myself, former resident advisers, and they want to stay in housing. I believe about 5 times as many people interviewed for this position over all the others, and preferenced it as their #1.

I got picked to have a housing assistantship. I'm super excited, but over the course of assistantship interview weekend, I remember a lot of people talking about how they really wanted this position...some people even freaked out and cried b/c they were worried their housing assistantship interview went bad.

So, a Facebook group was started for my cohort, and I noticed some of the people who were making the biggest deal and being dramatic about wanting a housing position DID NOT get the position. Just to illustrate the desperation...at one point after the interviews, one guy who was near tears said, "I need this position. I live and breath housing. If you cut me, I will bleed housing." Um, yeah.

I've been thinking about how this is all going to play out come fall, and I'm wondering if any of you think that jealousy/resentment will be a problem. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I know I wouldn't be too excited if I got stuck with one of the other assistanships. On top of everything else, the 5 housing grad assistants all come back a month before everyone else. I'm sure some type of bond will form, which might be intimidating to the rest of the cohort when they show up weeks later for orientation. I just don't want the, "Oh look at them, they think they're better than everyone else." crap to start.

I'm not the kind of person to rub it in, or talk about my assistantship 24/7...but I'm not sure about the other housing GAs. Do you guys think I will have to deal with jealousy? If so, any advice? I know few of you are in this field, but maybe something similar or relate-able has happened to you.

[Arcadian]

You can't really do anything about it. Just be yourself. If you're cool, people will catch your good vibes. If not, it's clearly not your fault, so just let them suffer.

It is all too common for those who are suffering to project their negativity onto others.

[far_to_go]

Yikes, I wouldn't want to be in your position. People can get jealous and mean even when it's not your 'fault'. On the whole, I'd follow Arcadian's advice- just play it cool, be yourself, etc. Usually I try to keep the news relatively quiet when I get a fellowship or something that I know somebody else wants. So, whatever you do, don't go on that forum and post "yeah, I got housing, I'm so stoked! Woohooo!" (I'm sure you weren't going to do that anyway, but just in case...)

[ZeChocMoose]

Although it probably doesn't seem like it now, the majority of them will get over it. They will start their own assistantships, enjoy them, and can't imagine having another position. They will find off campus housing and start loving their apartments. They will bond with members of their cohort and make new friends. Their initial disappointments will fade away into the excitement of starting a new program.

I honestly won't stress about how they will react. For the reasonable, it will be a non-issue. It is possible that a couple people will let it fester, but there is not much you can do about it. Some people are not happy no matter what the situation. If they let this defeat them, it's sad-- but it is not your problem. Surround yourself with people who will be happy for your successes and return the support/accolades when they are successful. That is how you survive grad school and build a strong professional network.

Good luck!

[studentaffairsgrad]

Thanks for the advice, friends!