Anyone Else's Boss NOT letting You Quit the Job?

[Mal83]

This for those of us who hate our pre-grad school jobs for whatever reason and just need a good ranting session....Ok so today I have been incredibly angry at myself...why? Because I caved, I totally caved in to my boss who begged me to stay longer than I wanted to. I've worked at this preschool for a good 9 months and I have absolutely had it, checked out emotionally, reached my limit long ago and there is nothing about the job or the place that makes me want to stay a minute longer than I absolutely have to. I started working there after 8 months of unemployment and I figured it would be an easy comfortable job while I go through the grad school application process. It was OK for a while, I have lots of experience with kids, but this place has become my personal Hell. So I've been anxiously awaiting the time when I'd have to leave in order to prepare for my cross-country move as well as do my required summer reading, which I've decided is right about now.

I gave my boss my notice an entire month ago. One whole month's notice, not the standard 2 weeks. It wasn't an entirely selfish move admittedly, I just really wanted to tell her already so I wouldn't have to do any more professional development nonsense, but yes I did want to give her extra time. As the weeks rolled on I got more and more anxious to just be done, but today like a giant wimp the day before what was to be last day ever, I agreed to work 3 more days because she "really needs me because someone has almost been hired." First she asked me to do a whole extra week OR until she got the new person started, which ever one came first. But knowing her the whole week will go by without getting it together. I agreed to this because she accepted my offer of coming in later in the day so I wouldn't be doing a whole regular shift. As I processed what I just did I got angry, angry at myself because for the entire month since giving my notice I just had a feeling she'd do this and I was mentally prepared to not give in. It's not my problem that during the course of a whole month she couldn't manage to hire someone. People are always dropping by to submit resumes. It's just not my problem. But what did I do? I said "well, ok, I can do that," like a total pushover. But as it was supposed to be her day off I was lucky that she didn't just leave right after that and I caught her a few minutes later and told her that I actually can only give her 3 days, not a whole week. I've told her from the beginning what I need to do this summer and I need all the time I can get to do it, plus I just want out so it shouldn't matter if I have something major like a cross country move to prepare for or not, I gave my notice, she took the letter, and it should be respected. After regrouping enough to put my foot down to be blunt, I approached her and said "I can't give you past Wednesday, that has to be it." She goes, "well, we'll talk about that when the time comes" and then chuckled like she always does when she doesn't know what to say. I, and this is a bit of a redemption, said "no, that has to be it." She just trailed off and as in any preschool it's really easy to quickly become focused on some other issue. The other teacher who was near by was like, "wow, that was blunt." I was slightly less angry with myself after that.

Is 3 days or even a week a really big deal? No of course not and it's not like I'm doing it for free. But that's not the point. I was prepared for this, I knew she would do this and it's not like she's uncaring, but she just banks on her staff allowing her to stretch them beyond where they're willing to go so she feels little pressure to get on these things fast enough. This is what I let her continue to do. She thinks that if she phrases it just the right way and bats her eyes enough you'll be tricked into thinking she's doing you some kind of favor. It's very obnoxious and we all see right through it. I keep telling her what it is that I have to do this summer and I shouldn't have to justify myself anymore, my need to stop working there should be respected and it's not. And her insinuating that I'm morally obligated to stay until she gets around to hiring someone after an absurdly long interview process is very irritating. During our first conversation about it she said it's her goal to get the new person in by the end of next week. She placed great emphasis on the word goal as if to prepare me for it not happening and therefore I'll be working until it does. I certainly never agreed to that. It's unlikely that she'll get a new person in by Wednesday so I'm not sure what she's going to do for coverage, we've been stretched thin enough for a while now, but that's her problem and I'll be interested to see how she handles it because most people just don't say no to her.

It's like because I'm not physically jetting out of the state immediately that means that I'm still available to work after I quit...that's actually the opposite of quitting. Hopefully she'll get that I'm not that big of a pushover when I walk out of there Wednesday at 6pm and don't ever come back. Ok, I feel like I purged enough...

Edited June 3, 2011 by Mal83

[wtncffts]

I don't see the problem here. I know you specifically say you're simply ranting, but from what you describe, this isn't your boss 'not letting you quit', it's you caving in to pressure. I don't see anything wrong with your boss's actions; I might do the same were I in that situation. Perhaps a little jerky, but not so much. You gave notice, she has every right to ask you to stay longer, you have every right to say no. That's up to you. Unless she's tying you to your desk, there's no coercion here.

[eklavya]

tomorrow morning, walk up to her, call quits, hand over your resignation letter and leave. hire a mover (or ask your bro or someone) to collect your stuff from the office. done!

[Mal83]

I don't see the problem here. I know you specifically say you're simply ranting, but from what you describe, this isn't your boss 'not letting you quit', it's you caving in to pressure. I don't see anything wrong with your boss's actions; I might do the same were I in that situation. Perhaps a little jerky, but not so much. You gave notice, she has every right to ask you to stay longer, you have every right to say no. That's up to you. Unless she's tying you to your desk, there's no coercion here.

I never said she actually "coerced" me, you're taking the title of the thread a little too literally, that's what I had said throughout, that I was angry at myself for caving into pressure. What I'm also pissed about is her thought process and her mindset, that she doesn't have to get right to it and make hiring someone else a priority because she truly believes, and is actually true based on me allowing her to do so, that she can just tell me or whoever else that she needs us to do this, that or the other and it will be so regardless of how it upsets our day/routine/life. She thinks that she's this awesome boss and everyone just loves her so why wouldn't we want to do whatever she asks? That's annoying. Sure, I suppose she has the right to ask me and see if I'll just roll over and stay even though she knows I don't want to, which she did and as I said, I caved, which is my fault, but not being a robot that realization doesn't erase my feelings of irritation and annoyance by the whole thing. I don't blame her for doing it, I knew it was coming and she certainly had nothing to lose, all she had to do was say she needed me and if I said yes then that's it, she's out of a bind. I blame myself for caving and I'm irritated by her for not respecting my decision and need to be done. That's all.

Edited June 3, 2011 by Mal83

[Mal83]

tomorrow morning, walk up to her, call quits, hand over your resignation letter and leave. hire a mover (or ask your bro or someone) to collect your stuff from the office. done!

Ha! I don't have a single thing there that I need to collect, it's a preschool, I walk in with my purse and that's what I leave with. I already gave her the letter a month ago, she has a habit of "loosing" resignation letters though and reacting immaturely to news of resignation. She's a master at the costumer service part of the job and a very likable person, but just not as professional when it comes to staff management as she should be. Anyway, lots of people have to put with crappy bosses, this is actually my first experience with one.

[Katzenmusik]

I can relate -- I, too, was guilt-tripped into staying at a job I hated. I gave about a month's notice and ended up working part-time for about two weeks beyond that. Still, they acted like I was disappearing abruptly, leaving them in the lurch, quitting out of nowhere, etc. They wanted my employment to stretch on forever because it was more convenient for them.

I was INCREDIBLY annoyed at the time. But a year later, it doesn't matter. They are still stuck in a horrible office pushing papers around and driving each other crazy. I am reading about interesting things, writing research papers, and preparing to enjoy a nice, long summer break. My life has diverged from theirs, and with any luck I will never encounter them again. The book starring them is closed, and I am on to the next adventure.

Yes, you caved a bit--but soon? None of this will matter You'll have moved on to your future life, and this annoying lady will be but a hazy memory receding further and further into the past until you can laugh about all the ridiculous things you had to put up with at this preschool.

Don't work a single moment beyond what you've promised. You gave a few extra days to be nice. After that, you're gone. Hold firm!

[Mal83]

I can relate -- I, too, was guilt-tripped into staying at a job I hated. I gave about a month's notice and ended up working part-time for about two weeks beyond that. Still, they acted like I was disappearing abruptly, leaving them in the lurch, quitting out of nowhere, etc. They wanted my employment to stretch on forever because it was more convenient for them.

I was INCREDIBLY annoyed at the time. But a year later, it doesn't matter. They are still stuck in a horrible office pushing papers around and driving each other crazy. I am reading about interesting things, writing research papers, and preparing to enjoy a nice, long summer break. My life has diverged from theirs, and with any luck I will never encounter them again. The book starring them is closed, and I am on to the next adventure.

Yes, you caved a bit--but soon? None of this will matter You'll have moved on to your future life, and this annoying lady will be but a hazy memory receding further and further into the past until you can laugh about all the ridiculous things you had to put up with at this preschool.

Don't work a single moment beyond what you've promised. You gave a few extra days to be nice. After that, you're gone. Hold firm!

Thanks for sharing! That sounds like exactly what happened to me today. I was guilt-tripped. I will most certainly be holding firm now, it's easier for me to say no when I feel like they're getting more than enough out of me. The only consolation is that I really like my coworkers. We all have the same complaints about her, but you know when you're working in your field I think you're more apt to put up with more in order to advance yourself or it's just not as much of an emotional burden because it's...well, your field. Early childhood education is absolutely not my field, it's been nothing more than a paycheck so all of the drama and nonsense, most of it caused by my boss and her executive director overlord demon sister, have burned me out and I have no more will or desire to perform as I should. Logically I know it's very important to her and the services this particular preschool provides to families and kids are actually quite good, but because I couldn't care less anymore it's all just shenanigans to me in regards to staff management. It hasn't been pleasant or even tolerable for a long time. I will never forget her and this preschool because it has been unlike any other job I've had but you're right that it'll get hazy and it'll just be a point of reference for when things get hard or frustrating in grad school...like "Well at least I still don't work at that preschool because that was worse than whatever I'm dealing with now."

Edited June 3, 2011 by Mal83

[runonsentence]

Don't let her guilt you into staying another day past what you want to work. You gave her the time; it's not your fault that she didn't get her act together with hiring. Plain and simple.

[ZeeMore21]

This honestly doesn't seem like a big deal...just work the couple days and be done with it. Just be thankful you have a job to quit : )

[MoJingly]

Just be thankful you have a job to quit : )

That's actually a good point!

[Mal83]

This honestly doesn't seem like a big deal...just work the couple days and be done with it. Just be thankful you have a job to quit : )

It never does seem like a big deal if you're not the one experiencing it. I'm also not sure that I, or anyone else, should allow ourselves to be taken advantage of just because we're so grateful to be employed by anyone that will take us. Everyone has their line that they shouldn't have to cross and I've reached mine. I have felt fortunate that I've had a paycheck coming in for 9 months, but I'm choosing to be done now so I really don't have to be thankful that my boss has guilt-tripped me into staying longer due to her own lack of motivation to hire someone. Like I said, 3 days in the grand scheme of things is actually not a big deal, you're right about that, but that wasn't really the origin of my frustration.

[ZeeMore21]

It never does seem like a big deal if you're not the one experiencing it. I'm also not sure that I, or anyone else, should allow ourselves to be taken advantage of just because we're so grateful to be employed by anyone that will take us. Everyone has their line that they shouldn't have to cross and I've reached mine. I have felt fortunate that I've had a paycheck coming in for 9 months, but I'm choosing to be done now so I really don't have to be thankful that my boss has guilt-tripped me into staying longer due to her own lack of motivation to hire someone. Like I said, 3 days in the grand scheme of things is actually not a big deal, you're right about that, but that wasn't really the origin of my frustration.

I'm sure your manager did not hold a gun to your head and make you work for extra days. It was your lack of assertion that put you in this situation, so this rant about your employer is useless and unproductive. I actually just meant to help you put things in context with my last posting, so there was no need to be that defensive. I actually have been in situations where I have had to work past the time I said I would stop, but in the end, like I said before, you really can't let situations like this get to you, especially for someone who works with children.

You will always come across these type of "pushover' people in life who, like you said, will try to take advantage of you, and this goes for grad school as well. But at the end, you can only blame the pushover so many times...you are responsible for your life to a certain extent and and at some point you have to learn how to say no. If not, you will always have those type of people taking advantage of you. This is something I have had to learn, so please don't think I'm attacking you.

Edited June 3, 2011 by ZeeMore21

[Mal83]

I'm sure your manager did not hold a gun to your head and make you work for extra days. It was your lack of assertion that put you in this situation, so this rant about your employer is useless and unproductive. I actually just meant to help you put things in context with my last posting, so there was no need to be that defensive. I actually have been in situations where I have had to work past the time I said I would stop, but in the end, like I said before, you really can't let situations like this get to you, especially for someone who works with children.

You will always come across these type of "pushover' people in life who, like you said, will try to take advantage of you, and this goes for grad school as well. But at the end, you can only blame the pushover so many times...you are responsible for your life to a certain extent and and at some point you have to learn how to say no. If not, you will always have those type of people taking advantage of you. This is something I have had to learn, so please don't think I'm attacking you.

See the subtitle of the thread clearly states: "Purpose of thread: ranting" and I also clearly stated it at the very beginning of my OP...so it's not like I framed this as some sort of "please help me, I have a grave issue and I don't know what to do" thread. I also said over and over that I was mostly angry at myself for not being assertive, I don't need anyone else to tell me that. I appreciate people telling me it's not that big of deal in order to provide a touch of support, but the one thing I don't do in these forums is trivialize how others have internalized their experiences. If they share something here in the "chit-chat" section of the forum it's because they're looking for someone to relate to it, not to be told that their posts are useless and unproductive. I wasn't asking for a morality check, it was just to get something off my chest and see if anyone has dealt with something similar. I didn't think you were attacking me, it was just to clarify why I was so frustrated with my employer. There's a difference between throwing a tantrum over simply putting in a few extra days, which could certainly be taken as immature, and being upset about the reason I was asked to stay even 5 minutes longer. And she actually did hold a gun to my head, it was loaded with guilt instead of bullets....

[ZeeMore21]

See the subtitle of the thread clearly states: "Purpose of thread: ranting" and I also clearly stated it at the very beginning of my OP...so it's not like I framed this as some sort of "please help me, I have a grave issue and I don't know what to do" thread. I also said over and over that I was mostly angry at myself for not being assertive, I don't need anyone else to tell me that. I appreciate people telling me it's not that big of deal in order to provide a touch of support, but the one thing I don't do in these forums is trivialize how others have internalized their experiences. If they share something here in the "chit-chat" section of the forum it's because they're looking for someone to relate to it, not to be told that their posts are useless and unproductive. I wasn't asking for a morality check, it was just to get something off my chest and see if anyone has dealt with something similar. I didn't think you were attacking me, it was just to clarify why I was so frustrated with my employer. There's a difference between throwing a tantrum over simply putting in a few extra days, which could certainly be taken as immature, and being upset about the reason I was asked to stay even 5 minutes longer. And she actually did hold a gun to my head, it was loaded with guilt instead of bullets....

I rather have someone help me put something in context rather than just blaming them for "trivializing"... especially if what they give me could be helpful. And yes, I did read your post as a tantrum.

[Mal83]

I rather have someone help me put something in context rather than just blaming them for "trivializing"... especially if what they give me could be helpful. And yes, I did read your post as a tantrum.

Well, that's your take on it and I can't do anything about that especially after clearly stating several times that the point was just to get something off my chest..and yeah..rant a little. I'm pretty sure I'm not the first to do that here. Like I said, I wasn't asking to be lifted up from the dark depths of immaturity onto someone else's bright white moral high horse. I read your response, which included "useless" and "unproductive," as a trivialization and therefore not helpful or appreciated...that's my take on it, so let's leave it at that.

Edited June 4, 2011 by Mal83

[ZeeMore21]

Well, that's your take on it and I can't do anything about that especially after clearly stating several times that the point was just to get something off my chest..and yeah..rant a little. I'm pretty sure I'm not the first to do that here. Like I said, I wasn't asking to be lifted up from the dark depths of immaturity onto someone else's bright white moral high horse. I read your response, which included "useless" and "unproductive," as a trivialization and therefore not helpful or appreciated...that's my take on it, so let's leave it at that.

I've seen other rants, I've never said you weren't allowed to have your own. I do, however, think that some rants are more plausible than others. That is my opinion, and I will voice it. My initial post did not mean to attack you, but you chose to argue that somehow I did not have the appropriate background to claim that your problem wasn't a big deal. You do not know me, and yes I have had the same work experience, so you were incorrect to say that.

[ZeeMore21]

I will say that I do apologize for using "useless" in my other post, and by all means yes, you are free to rant. But I don't appreciate someone saying that somehow I'm trying to be the holier than thou. Maybe what bothered me was just listening to today's news, with 14 million people unemployed. Somehow, someone complaining about being made to work 3 extra days hits a nerve with me. But regardless, of course you can rant.

Edited June 4, 2011 by ZeeMore21

[Mal83]

I've seen other rants, I've never said you weren't allowed to have your own. I do, however, think that some rants are more plausible than others. That is my opinion, and I will voice it. My initial post did not mean to attack you, but you chose to argue that somehow I did not have the appropriate background to claim that your problem wasn't a big deal. You do not know me, and yes I have had the same work experience, so you were incorrect to say that.

Well, the initial post just struck me the wrong way and I was allowed to voice that just as you are free to decide which rants are more "plausible" than others. When I said "..you're not the one experiencing it" I meant that to someone who wasn't there at my place of business in the vicinity of the conversation that took place between me and my boss and also hasn't worked there for 9 months, it probably would not seem like such a big deal. I did not mean to insinuate that I know you've never had a similar experience. It might be helpful to consider that if I didn't feel like it was a big deal at the time then I wouldn't have had the need to rant about it. And the word "thankful," whether it was in jest or not, made me cringe....sorry, but that was my gut reaction to it and with tone of voice lacking it's all to easy to take things in a way that wasn't intended. So I guess it was a series of misinterpretations. I apologize.

Edited June 4, 2011 by Mal83

[Mal83]

I will say that I do apologize for using "useless" in my other post, and by all means yes, you are free to rant. But I don't appreciate someone saying that somehow I'm trying to be the holier than thou. Maybe what bothered me was just listening to today's news, with 14 million people unemployed. Somehow, someone complaining about being made to work 3 extra days hits a nerve with me. But regardless, of course you can rant.

Accepted, and point taken.