Just feeling weird now

[UKbound]

This is the strangest thing. Since accepting an offer from King's College London I've become incredibly insecure about my undergrad education. I've done really well at a top tier state school, did well on the GRE, and have been accepted at least one other program. Nevertheless, I can't shake the fear that somehow I've gone these last three years without really "getting it." I'm sure part of it is the field I've chosen, as virtually everyone who takes up Philosophy as a career has experienced the sensation of feeling like everyone but you understands the material you're dealing with but, ugh...could I have come this far still have no clue? Is it possible the "fraud complex" could be setting in already?? I felt so confident...right up until I was actually offered admission. :?

[juilletmercredi]

YEP. Imposter syndrome starts early. I started feeling it right after I got accepted to Columbia -- I was convinced that the department had gotten my transcript confused with someone else's, or had misread something on my file, and that they were going to call me back and tell me no, we made a mistake. Of course that never happened and I'm here now, but it's continued into this semester. I felt even more intimidated when I first met my cohort -- they were all older than me and had lived abroad and completed master's degrees; I was the only one without a degree higher than a bachelor's.

Once the semester got underway though the feeling began to fade. I feel more than capable of the work that I am given here, and I'm on par with my peers -- I don't feel behind them or like I know less, only that they've had more life experiences than me. I also found that we had all intimidated each other :mrgreen: After we got to know each other we started hanging out, and we're all friends now, and I feel like less of an imposter and more like I really belong here. I also got elected to the doctoral students' association executive board, which gives me a feeling of permanence.

[timuralp]

I suppose this highly depends on your area. In CS we don't compete with each other in any way pretty much, so it's hard to be intimidated. Most professors' attitude towards classes is that we just need to pass and no one cares about the grades aside from that, since we're here to do research. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that once you figure out your research focus, you'll probably be the only person working on it and there's no real intimidation left. Maybe that's just CS though.

[juilletmercredi]

Oh, in my field we don't compete with each other, either. It's entirely collegial, and there's a lot of collaboration going on. Also, the DGS in both my departments told me straight up not to worry about classes -- they're the least important part of the package, now. We're not encouraged to compete with each other in any way, and we all study vastly different areas -- our department is interdisciplinary, so in my cohort there are two people studying sociomedical sciences and political science, two people studying SMS and anthropology, one person studying SMS and history, one DrPH student who is just studying SMS, and me -- SMS and psychology.

It's not that...it's just the feeling that, well, everyone at your program is *better* than you and that you don't belong with these incredibly erudite, accomplished junior scholars. Like I said, it's wearing off as I begin to hold my own here and get really grounded in the research that I like to do, because it's becoming evident that I was well-prepared for this and belong here as much as anyone.

[timuralp]

Well, that's good. That's pretty much what I was saying: once you get into research, intimidation disappears. I suppose I had a small confidence boost having done research for 3 years as an undergrad, so I had an idea of what a grad student's life is like and who these mythical creatures are

By the way, you love the word "cohort". Just an observation.

[miratrix]

If it makes you feel better, I have a lot of friends who've done study abroad and grad school in the UK, and I've heard from them and an admissions officer that US students do well in UK schools because they are used to having constant deadlines and consequences for doing or not doing their work, so they are conscientious when entering the more independent UK system. Problems can come from lack of clear goals, because the advising isn't as good so if you don't know just what you want to do it's hard, but not from lack of work ethic or ability. So you probably have not only enough ability and background to succeed, but even better preparation in some ways.

[studentfromLA]

Speaking from somebody who is not in school in the UK, but who has just finished her first semester of graduate education, graduate school is HARD. It was hard for everyone in my cohort; even the people who ended up doing very well on exams sweated it majorly before and after the first midterms and finals. If your program is like mine, you will have to study harder than you ever have before in your life, and you will feel for the first time in your life like you are definitely NOT the smartest one in the room. I think the first semester of graduate education is like being thrown in a pool, not knowing how to swim, and seeing if you can figure out how not to drown. Now that I have the first semester under my belt, I AM highly anticipating the second, because from what I garnered in the first semester, I think I'm beginning to figure out how to thrive in my chosen path.

Grad school is also great. You finally get to learn from people who are doing what you think YOU might want to do. At my school, all the profs are very bright, supportive and accessible. If you are in the right program, the "aha" moments come fast and furious (i.e., when you read or learn or get exposed to those ideas that make your internal lightbulb go electric ).

Go into school confident yet humble, be open to new approaches, and be prepared to work hard, and you will do well.

[Minnesotan]

Go into school confident yet humble, be open to new approaches, and be prepared to work hard, and you will do well.

Good advice, indeed.

After three years of grad work, I can't disagree with anything SFLA had to say. Grad work is tough, but it is also very rewarding, if you are suited to it. Just make sure you're doing what you love and you'll be fine (although overworked, underpaid, and ignorant of the last time you slept).

[hegemony]

Well, in some ways you are not ready! The bottom line is that your first two months, people will constantly reference authors you have never read, ideas you are only vaguely familiar with, and theories you have only briefly studied as an undergrad. I understand your anxiety, but you are not as great as you think you are right now, but you will grow as a thinker in graduate school and it's obvious that you have what it takes to take on this development. If you go in thinking that graduate school is going to be an extension of your undergraduate career then, forget about it. You'll do well. In the end, graduate committees (at least in the humanities) look for students that are willing to learn and grapple with new ideas and they obviously saw that in your application.

[katanianQ]

Just to add my 2 cents about the transition from a US undergrad institution to a UK grad program...

In my experience, the students in the UK are much better prepared. This is even something my undergrad adviser in the US warned me about, but to be honest, I didn't fully grasp this until I arrived and was 'thrown in the pool' so to speak.

since the undergrad system over there is structured so differently, they basically spend 3 (or 4, depending on the University) years studying their specific subject rigorously. No random course requirements or electives that have nothing to do with their major.. every moment is dedicated to digging in deep to their specific field.

So, taking this into account (along with actually moving across the sea, entering a grad program, etc) you probably will be feeling overwhelmed and a little behind.. nothing a lot of extra hours in the library and hard work can't overcome.. just don't let it get you down. You will get there in the end.

Hope this helps

[swr22]

Just to add my 2 cents about the transition from a US undergrad institution to a UK grad program...

In my experience, the students in the UK are much better prepared. This is even something my undergrad adviser in the US warned me about, but to be honest, I didn't fully grasp this until I arrived and was 'thrown in the pool' so to speak.

since the undergrad system over there is structured so differently, they basically spend 3 (or 4, depending on the University) years studying their specific subject rigorously. No random course requirements or electives that have nothing to do with their major.. every moment is dedicated to digging in deep to their specific field.

So, taking this into account (along with actually moving across the sea, entering a grad program, etc) you probably will be feeling overwhelmed and a little behind.. nothing a lot of extra hours in the library and hard work can't overcome.. just don't let it get you down. You will get there in the end.

Hope this helps

I did my undergrad at Cambridge and then went onto Brown for my Masters and this strikes me as very correct. Certainly British undergrads are a lot better read and can write a lot more coherently/elegantly. While they do dig deep into their own subject in the UK, it is true to say that most of my students who did English Lit could have a coherent political philosophy discussions or discuss film or art etc. Equally, us political science types had at least some appreciation for the literary canon (although it is funny how differently composed it is across the Atlantic).