A Drinking Culture

[Eigen]

You'd be surprised. I say that as the person who's nearly always the sober person in the room. Some drunk people are not fun, but many are hilarious. You can have a lot of fun playing "straight man" to a bunch of drunk people. Or at least I can.

This. Not to mention, it's a lot of fun to tell them the next day over lunch the things they don't remember from that night.....

[Phil Sparrow]

Maybe because I'm a guy I want to tip even less. Half the time, I'll be waiting 5 or more minutes in a crowded bar for my first drink because girls are served first, even if they just showed up. I'm not going to tip someone who doesn't respect me enough to take me in turn.

Or maybe you get bad service because you don't tip.

[Floripas]

In NY, tipping is a much bigger deal than elsewhere. I personally do not tip if they're giving me a water (or a drink). I'm tipping them to pour something into a cup. That's ridiculous. I don't care what agreement they signed up for wage wise. I didn't force them to and I'm not going to tip them because the bar decided to give them a bad deal. Maybe because I'm a guy I want to tip even less. Half the time, I'll be waiting 5 or more minutes in a crowded bar for my first drink because girls are served first, even if they just showed up. I'm not going to tip someone who doesn't respect me enough to take me in turn. I'm sour about it. I don't have enough money to give to charity let alone a bar tender. I don't get tips for getting good grades or coding well.

As a bartender, I gotta speak up and say that I was taught always to serve ladies first. End of story. And at most of the places I've seen it's just house policy. So it may be a tad unfair to stiff someone a tip because of that. But if they are rude when they are serving you, or just bad, that's a different story. I understand the money issues, and tipping certainly isn't a given as stated before, but we don't work for the wages, it's all about the tips. I know some bars don't even give wages to bartenders on holidays like New Years, because they expect they will make they share in tips. So if you get good service, then please be decent about it. Which leads me to...

Or maybe you get bad service because you don't tip.

Lol!! But yeah...if you're a regular somewhere, they will probably remember you as the dude who doesn't tip.

BUT in response to the OP, becoming a bartender is a great way to be a part of the drinking scene without having to, or being expected to get drunk. And it's a nice way to pick up some extra cash on the side if needed. It's also nice release from school work too that let's you stay social. I've found it's also pretty flexible time wise, depending on where you work.

[Agradatudent]

I wanted to clarify, in no way am I regular at any bars. I went to this said bar on 5 occasions my senior year of college, all on extremely busy nights. I understand they are told to serve girls first. As funny as it sounds, I was never a "repeat" customer in a night either so they couldn't even recognize me as the guy who doesn't tip. I only have 1 drink when I go out, and when I do need water, my girlfriend gets it... because she gets it quicker

Now on the other hand, if I was constantly getting drinks and the bartender was attentive, I think it'd be fair to tip. Especially with a running tab. But for my one drink that costs 6-7 dollars... I normally do not. I would like to note this specific bar (and all bars in the are) had a $5 cover for everyone. So my one drink was costing me $11-12 dollars. Probably helps my bitterness.

[qbtacoma]

In my experience, hanging out with friends in a bar and not drinking myself is no big deal at all. Lots of bars serve snacks, too, and at times I've enjoyed some nachos or something while my friends drank.

The only time it is annoying to be with drunk people is when they talk about nothing except being drunk/alcohol. That's a little boring for me.

[ktel]

In my experience, hanging out with friends in a bar and not drinking myself is no big deal at all. Lots of bars serve snacks, too, and at times I've enjoyed some nachos or something while my friends drank.

The only time it is annoying to be with drunk people is when they talk about nothing except being drunk/alcohol. That's a little boring for me.

Or if all they do is play drinking games.

I went on a study/work abroad trip last summer, and there were about 10 people from my university there and we were all living together. They would literally just sit around all night playing drinking games. No conversation unless it related to the card they pulled or the number they rolled on the die. They were basically alcoholics for an entire summer. Not to mention we were in a new country and all they wanted to do was stay in our apartment. Lame.

[long_time_lurker]

In NY, tipping is a much bigger deal than elsewhere.

Compared to where, Europe? Tipping at restaurants and bars (not to mention for cab rides, deliveries, etc.) is customary all over the US. It is not just for exceptional service.

I personally do not tip if they're giving me a water (or a drink). I'm tipping them to pour something into a cup. That's ridiculous. I don't care what agreement they signed up for wage wise. I didn't force them to and I'm not going to tip them because the bar decided to give them a bad deal.

Anyone in the service industry makes a little over $2/hr. This is customary.

Maybe because I'm a guy I want to tip even less. Half the time, I'll be waiting 5 or more minutes in a crowded bar for my first drink because girls are served first, even if they just showed up. I'm not going to tip someone who doesn't respect me enough to take me in turn.

Now before you think I'm just attacking you, it sounds like this bar really does suck and the bartender may indeed be a dope who is just there to chase tail. In that case you give him (and by extension, the barback, food runner, and back of the house none of whose fault it is) his $1 and you leave. There are lots of bars that are not obnoxious and don't charge covers. It also helps to go during the week instead of on Friday and Saturday nights. Those are "amateur nights".

I'm sour about it. I don't have enough money to give to charity let alone a bar tender. I don't get tips for getting good grades or coding well.

Well, then don't go out. If you can't pay, you can't play. I don't see why the bartender should have to pay (he has to tip out on his sales) to serve you; it's not his fault he got stuck with a cheap grad student (no one made you do it!) who gets paid to sit at a desk all day.

It's a free country and you can do what you want, but you shouldn't be surprised at getting a negative response nor should you be surprised if you get poor service when you don't pay for it. You can always get a 6-pack at the corner store if it's that big of a deal to you.

[ktel]

I don't usually tip when I'm the designated driver and am just getting water. If anything I feel like I'm doing the bar a service by bringing people to their bar and then safely taking them home. The bartender might not agree, but they're still getting their drink sales and tips from all of my friends.

[studentaffairsgrad]

I'm going to grad school at one of the top 5 party schools in the country (at least according to Princeton Review), so the drinking culture here is crazy! I might get one drink and work on it the whole night, while everyone else is my cohort is getting plastered. Nobody really cares. Just as long as you don't sit there and judge the people who are getting plastered, you should be fine. Just go out with people and do what you feel comfortable in doing. Plus, the drunks can be good fun to laugh at

[studentaffairsgrad]

Also, about the tipping issue - I have friends who usually tip every other drink if the bartender isn't being rude - some of them around here can be. I think that is a good system.

[cmg0610]

May I make a suggestion to the OP? I don't know if you've ever had a drink or not, but if you haven't, consider having one. I was totally dry for half of my undergrad, also for non-religious reasons, and when I finally had a drink, it cleared up a lot of the issues I had with it. Again, I have no idea if this would be relevant for you, but it might be something to think about.

[anachronistic]

May I make a suggestion to the OP? I don't know if you've ever had a drink or not, but if you haven't, consider having one. I was totally dry for half of my undergrad, also for non-religious reasons, and when I finally had a drink, it cleared up a lot of the issues I had with it. Again, I have no idea if this would be relevant for you, but it might be something to think about.

I definitely can't do that, being that I've made it a lifelong commitment. I tried half a glass of red wine a year ago and it was okay, but it's just not something I'm interested in starting (the taste was decent).

However, I did end up visiting a bar and it wasn't bad at all. Nice music, it had a friendly and low-key atmosphere and was relatively safe. I will have to stick to small local places like this one. I would return! I had a few misconceptions about bars, they're not all loud and crazy. Maybe next time I'll meet new people instead of just talking to my friend.

Edited August 21, 2011 by anachronistic

[Chicajojobe]

If you can't stand to be around other people drinking then it might be more difficult, but not impossible.

It's unlikely that every student in your program is a raging alcoholic who has no interests outside of drinking, so find out what those are. Find what you have in common with other people. Consider joining any clubs for grad students you find interesting, or even starting one if you discover an activity you and a lot of other grad students enjoy.

If you just don't drink yourself, but don't mind other people doing so then it really shouldn't be too much of a problem. My advice there is go to happy hour with everyone else. You're allowed to go, there's nothing that says you have to order the drink specials to attend. There are non-alcoholic drinks to choose from besides Shirley Temples. At some bars you can bet regular sodas like Coca-Cola, and all of them have the non-alcoholic components of mixers to chose from like club soda, tonic water, and fruit juices. You can order these on their own, or experiment with ordering them mixed together. Tonic water and lime, club soda and cranberry juice, or club soda and orange juice are just some suggestions to start off with.

As for your fellow students, a few might tease you and the best thing to do is just take it with good humor and be part of the joke. If they really won't spend time with you because you don't drink, are they really worth it? It seems to me that they clearly aren't your friends if their acceptance of you so tied to a single condition like that.