Making new friends

[phdaspiration]

So I've been in classes for a few weeks now. My cohort hasn't done any social outings. Is this normal? Are the first few weeks just too busy? I want to make new friends but I don't want to seem needy...

[dimanche0829]

What about suggesting a little post-class meetup at the neighborhood pub/bar? You won't seem needy. Academic minds love to talk with other academic minds, especially after a good class. Perhaps your particular group is just one of those made up of more quiet folk; maybe everyone else is thinking the way you are?

[northstar22]

My group is the same way -- it's difficult to talk to people before / after class. It doesn't help that many of the people are "non-traditional" older people, though.

[long_time_lurker]

Try to schedule something in advance particularly on a weekend so us "older non-traditional people" (if that's the case for the OP) can make time for it. I know I'm certainly not above grabbing a few pints with the guys in the program, but our schedules generally don't correspond. We live in different places and have wives to go home to and jobs to get up for in the morning or jobs to go to at night.

[rising_star]

So I've been in classes for a few weeks now. My cohort hasn't done any social outings. Is this normal? Are the first few weeks just too busy? I want to make new friends but I don't want to seem needy...

Like others have said, ask around and try to make plans several days in advance about what to do after class. That said, yes, the first few weeks are busy. And also, it really depends on your cohort. My cohort wasn't into going out after class, even if you asked and tried to make plans a week in advance. People had other things going on (spouses/partners, volunteering, other jobs, etc.) and just weren't into it. Sometimes that's the way it is. And yes, it sucked at times, especially since a friend and I would often be the ones trying to organize things that only 3-4 people (in a cohort of 15) would attend.

[Sigaba]

You could also show up early to class with a dozen or so Krispy Kreme donuts. (I say "or so" because it might be bad form for you to offer something you've not first sampled for freshness.)

But also, what r_s said. Some cohorts just don't ever develop the kind of chemistry that leads to after hours socializing.

[qbtacoma]

You could also show up early to class with a dozen or so Krispy Kreme donuts. (I say "or so" because it might be bad form for you to offer something you've not first sampled for freshness.)

But also, what r_s said. Some cohorts just don't ever develop the kind of chemistry that leads to after hours socializing.

It's just polite to make sure it's not poisoned.

[hejduk]

Same problem here. All of my cohort are from different countries, and we have no common bond (other than the PhD program!). We're all so busy too, so it's hard to make friends. all the above comments are good suggestions though, and I'll definitely try to utilize them.

[juilletmercredi]

See if you can meet grad students outside of your cohort, too. My university holds grad student events that span across departments, so you may make your friends in other departments or schools within the university. I have friends in my cohort because they are the socializing type, but my closest grad friends right now are the ones who have the same GAship as I do - we spend a lot of time together because of it, and so we've gotten close, even though we're all in different programs and schools.

[northstar22]

Also, I don't see why it's necessary to make grad student friends. None of my friends are grad students, because I don't really fit the typical "grad student" mold. Why try to force a connection where there is none?