Etiquette?: Withdrawing an application

[jackassjim]

Hi all, Quick question for you guys and gals.

My wife and I are both applying for grad school and we need to be accepted in the same geographic region. She was rejected from a school already, and I was wondering if it would be wise for me to withdraw my application to that school immediately.

On the one hand, I am curious to see if I would have been accepted. On the other, I might have to reapply next year. How would the department take it if I didn't take them up on their offer, only to reapply there?

Thanks for your input.

Jim

[MaximKat]

You may try to defer your admission

[Hopelessly_Neurotic]

I think deferral sounds like a good option. Otherwise, I think withdrawal is the courteous thing to do, especially if you don't want to burn any bridges. Are you sure you wouldn't attend if you were accepted? Is this school really far off from any other place your wife might be accepted? Wow, having to be accepted in the same region really adds a whole other level of stress to the process. I'm not married but have been living common law with my partner for ten years. He's working and I will be leaving him behind when I go to grad school -- not permanently, of course; he will follow me after a year. He just got a new job and needs to put in more time and get more experience before taking off. Of course, he will also need to find a job where I am, which isn't necessarily going to be easy.

I wish you luck and hope you both get into great schools in the same region!

[Tritonetelephone]

I'm not married but have been living common law with my partner for ten years. He's working and I will be leaving him behind when I go to grad school -- not permanently, of course; he will follow me after a year. He just got a new job and needs to put in more time and get more experience before taking off. Of course, he will also need to find a job where I am, which isn't necessarily going to be easy.

Exact same story for me too, except that my bf of 5 yrs and I aren't living together yet. No fun at all, I sympathize.

Jim: I would only withdrawal your application if you've thought out the possibility of you and your wife not getting admission in the same city at all, and you're absolutely OK with having that mean you'll wait another year. Otherwise, it doesn't hurt to wait until hearing a decision and get some feedback on your application that way. They don't expect everyone offered admission to accept; in fact, the one time I know of this happening, the school was not pleased (not enough money).

If it were me, I would not withdraw my app. Overall, I think the benefits of waiting for a decision and declining outweigh the benefits of withdrawing now. But I'm not in your shoes

[jduds]

I personally think it's in your best interest to see the process through to the end. If you get rejected, then you pulled the application for nothing. If you and your wife get accepted to schools in the same geographic region, then you wouldn't attend the institution anyway, and you pulled the application for nothing.

Ultimately, if you do get in, and you have no choice but not to go, but you need to reapply next year, explain your situation then. I'm sure they'll understand. Otherwise, I think you'll be pulling the plug too early.

Also, consider that it might not be the worst thing in the world if you and your wife are separated for a bit. Especially if, from an education point of view you are both better off in the long run.

[plisar]

If the guy is going for a Ph.D., that is five years. Residency is five years as well. You really think that separating for five years is healthy for their marriage and their educational pursuits? :shock:

[polumetis23]

I agree w/ the poster above, the advice for you and your wife to go to separate cities is pretty stupid, as is so much of the feedback on these "OMG should I withdraw my application!?!" threads. DON'T withdraw. Just let them reach a decision, and if you can't attend, turn down the offer. Simple as that. You'll know how you fared in the competition AND prevent yourself from seeming like a flake for having applied and then changed your mind. I know it's impossible for some of the younger applicants to comprehend, but nobody at these schools is thinking about all of the personal factors that might influence where you end up. Let them do their job, and just get on with it. Sure, they've got your application fee anyway, but why give them a reason to wonder why you've wasted everybody's time up till this point? Circumstances change, but you've paid for a decision, so at least get one.

[jackassjim]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, I'm applying for admission to a PhD, so that will be at least five years. Also, my wife gave birth a few months ago, so separating myself from her and the little one is out of question.

It's definitely not an easy thing to coordinate our applications. Already, we know that my wife will not receive interview invitations from a large number of schools, and I have gotten an offer for a full financial ride from a great program, but in a city where she won't get in. ARRGGGGHHH!!!!

C'est la vie, I guess. I'm thinking of Marc-Aurele, and trying to be as stoic as I can, but this is real hard.

I think I will withdraw only when we get official confirmation that she is rejected. That seems like the most sensible thing to do. However, polumetis has a good point. I paid for a decision. I guess that if I decline the invitation in a courteous and professional way (explaining my reasons), I will not necessarily burn any bridges.

Thanks again.

Jim

[flyingwalrus]

Jim,

Don't remove yourself from consideration for two reasons: (1) you might not get in to any other programs and (2) if you are accepted somewhere else, you may be able to use this offer from Emory to get yourself a slightly better funding package that you might not get otherwise. Don't go crazy with demands and keep in mind some places won't negotiate (UNC poli sci doesn't, for example, but Texas poli sci does). If you can get a fellowship, some summer funding, or an RA slot out of this than it's worth it.

[math123]

Jim, I would recommend seeing it through. The two-body problem is quite prevalent in academia. If you were to get in somewhere (and your wife didn't), and the department really wanted you, they'll pull strings. Now while every case is different, I've heard of departments un-rejecting the applicant's significant other simply to appease the person they really wanted. Egos may get hurt, your department may have a policy against this sort of thing, but at least give yourself that option in case.