Hearing Your Friends' Results

[gorillacake]

So, I can't help it, but every time I hear a friend say they got an interview or an acceptance, or something good happens for them in the graduate school application process, I go red inside!

I'd usually be really happy for them, and I love all my friends and I want them to succeed, but somehow I can't find any part of me that is charitable to actually feel happy for them. They're not even applying to the same schools/programs as me!

How do we deal?

[kdok]

I find it helpful to remind myself that them geting in has no bearing whatsoever on me getting in. Totally independent, separate events.

Also, if your friends got rejected, would it make you feel better? Probably not (I would hope). So really it's the best-case scenario. Might as well be excited for them.

[pelevinfan]

I've been struggling with this, but for a very different reason. My friend is applying to the same programs as me, and so it actually does have a direct bearing. It kills me when I hear about her getting interviews at all of my top choices, when I just get total silence. In particular, she put up a status on Facebook about an interview she had at my dream school. The school had actually even told me I would have an interview in January when I contacted my POI back in October, but I haven't.

I just keep telling myself that I'm trying to be as happy as possible for her/my other friends going through this, but that I also know that if the situation were reversed, they would probably be struggling with the same things. Honestly, our friends will end up in a program that is good for them, and we'll end up somewhere that is good for us. That's probably the only thing getting me through this.

[sansao]

I suspect one acceptance will fix this for you. Then you know you're in the clear as far as getting to go somewhere, and you can be happy for them being in the clear too. But as kdok said, their admissions don't have any bearing on your admissions (especially since they're applying to different programs), so there's no reason to be upset. Jealous, maybe... angry, not so much.

[sansao]

pelevinfan, guess you posted at the same time as me. That would irk me too. I haven't asked peers at my undergrad institution where they're applying to. I don't want to know if I'm competing with them, and I certainly don't want to know if they got accepted or interviewed at my top choice, at least not until I know where I'm going. refreshrefreshrefreshrefreshrefresh...

[bellefast]

I've been struggling with this, but for a very different reason. My friend is applying to the same programs as me, and so it actually does have a direct bearing. It kills me when I hear about her getting interviews at all of my top choices, when I just get total silence. In particular, she put up a status on Facebook about an interview she had at my dream school. The school had actually even told me I would have an interview in January when I contacted my POI back in October, but I haven't.

I just keep telling myself that I'm trying to be as happy as possible for her/my other friends going through this, but that I also know that if the situation were reversed, they would probably be struggling with the same things. Honestly, our friends will end up in a program that is good for them, and we'll end up somewhere that is good for us. That's probably the only thing getting me through this.

I feel your pain. I am sure you will get in somewhere. ( though me saying this might not ease you pain) I have faith that you will get in. Hell I have faith for everyone except me. I heard from a school for an interview and I am still waiting for a response. Geez, it hurts to see people no matter if they are in the same program or not get in when you are just waiting, and waiting, and checking your email, and checking gradcafe and refreshing every other minute. GOD! Well, sorry for the rant. Anywho, All you need is one school to give you the chance and I am sure you will show them that they made the right choice. Good Luck from one language studies person to another

[pelevinfan]

I feel your pain. I am sure you will get in somewhere. ( though me saying this might not ease you pain) I have faith that you will get in. Hell I have faith for everyone except me. I heard from a school for an interview and I am still waiting for a response. Geez, it hurts to see people no matter if they are in the same program or not get in when you are just waiting, and waiting, and checking your email, and checking gradcafe and refreshing every other minute. GOD! Well, sorry for the rant. Anywho, All you need is one school to give you the chance and I am sure you will show them that they made the right choice. Good Luck from one language studies person to another

Thank you, bellefast. I had an interview that went well at a program that I really like, so I am hoping that that works out. In the end, you're right: though it would be nice to have a multitude of choices, in the end, all you need is one 'yes' in a sea of 'no's' and you'll succeed. Good luck to you as well! I understand the pessimism, as I feel that way about myself as an applicant. But I have faith in you!

Edited February 5, 2012 by pelevinfan

[bellefast]

Thank you, bellefast. I had an interview that went well at a program that I really like, so I am hoping that that works out. In the end, you're right: though it would be nice to have a multitude of choices, in the end, all you need is one 'yes' in a sea of 'no's' and you'll succeed. Good luck to you as well! I understand the pessimism, as I feel that way about myself as an applicant. But I have faith in you!

Thanks pelevinfan,

We all have to stick together. I sure who ever you interviewed for will see the light!

[crazygirl2012]

It's a touchy subject. My friends and I have been fortunate to have very different interests, and it's still hard. I think we're all genuinely happy for each other, but there's always going to be a bit of jealousy.

[Italophile]

Luckily my best friend (and only friend also going through grad admissions right now) is applying to med schools, whereas I am applying for Ph.D.s in a nonscience field. We're happy for each other when we hear positive news, but it definitely helps that we're not competing against each other.

[CarlieE]

Hmmm.. I guess I am experiencing this from the Other End. I'm the first of my circle to get accepted, and with full funding. My friends are happy for me, but have also expressed their worry to me that they haven't received any news about their own applications. Although we're all in the same field, we're studying very different regions and topics so there is little overlap in the programs we've applied to, so there isn't "competition" there. Yet...

Overall, I am happy for myself, but I also understand their worry and try not to rub it in their faces. I suppose these are natural emotions and very valid..

At the same time my bf is also in the same field and applying to programs, though he is resigned that he won't get in anywhere. Sometimes it can be tough not rubbing it in HIS face, especially since we live together and my happiness at being accepted is ALL around him (we have 2 classes together too).

[kgumps2012]

One of my close friends got into a school I have been wanting to go to for two years now. granted its slightly different programs and I am happy for her...BUT I WANT TO GO THERE!!! Why haven't I been picked? :-(

[Spriteling]

Fortunately, none of my close friends are applying to grad school this year. I have a few acquaintances who are, and we casually discuss grad school prospects, but I find that since I have several acceptances, I'm no longer emotionally invested in any way. I'm happy for people who get in, and commiserate with people who get rejected.