The Grad 35+ club

[OldGrad2012]

Hi all,

I thought it will be nice to start a thread representing people over 35 and applying or attending graduate school. I, myself, am over 35 and have applied to numberous Phd programs. I got accepted into one so far and planned to sacrifice my job and family to attend grad school in the Fall 2012. It will be a mix of excitement, anxiety, and fear mainly of financial reasons. Now who is with me in this club.

[bythesea]

Count me in - unless there's a Grad 45+ Club! I think we need our own forum section with subsections for...

Family Issues (schools for the kids, moving Everybody across the country)...

Houses (selling, leasing, etc.)...

Adaptive Technology ( the best large-print e-reader, organizers that remind you where you left your keys and your latest data set)...

Translation Services (what are those 20-somethings talking about? )...

Reality Check (what, live like a student?)

[picalilly]

Me. Haven't heard yet, but I figure getting turned down means one more year of NOT living like a student. *sigh*

[parable151]

I'm 38. So far just one acceptance to a Master's only program. At least I have that but it will just make this whole process longer. I'm also a military wife (coast guard) and we move every 2 to 4 years so since my degree 10 years ago I've done a lot of different jobs, none Geology related. Just waiting and seeing. My husband is getting stationed in Alameda, CA so I am limited to Stanford and Berkeley for PhD, rotten odds for me there. But I do have San Jose State, so I have something at least which is more than I've had in the last 10 years.

Edited February 13, 2012 by parable151

[Sash2012]

I'm in the club. I left home for a year for my MA and am hoping to stay home for my Ph.D., however if I must leave again, I will. There are definitely challenges of being older and balancing life - grad studies - but I feel blessed to have the opportunity! Good luck everyone!

[Michelleelleh]

I'm just turning 31 but I'm definitely feeling some of the above issues. I'm limited to where I can go (basically Toronto) because my husband works in film so there aren't really any other options for him. I am leaving a great job in a related field to go back to school. We rent in the city, though what we pay could be mortgage payments elsewhere - we love our neighbourhood and apt. and don't want to move. When I first inquired about my eligibility for loans, I basically had a 22 year old bank representative SCOLD me for expecting to be able to maintain a certain standard of living. She basically said I'd better be willing to rent a crappy basement apartment and get rid of my dogs!?! If I do get in, I still have to figure out how to pay for it AND make rent/groceries etc. eep!

[lexicana]

^{I'm 35 turning 36 in one month. So far I have been acepted into 1 program (applied to 5). I am anxious to attend visiting day and see who else got into the program. I am really hoping for a little diversity in age. I would hate to be the only one over 30 among a bunch of 20 year olds.}

[Frostfire]

I'm 35, in my last year of an MA, waiting on PhD results. I'm lucky since my boyfriend is job flexible. But I'm hoping that I'm not the oldest person in whatever program I end up in. Not that I don't like my younger fellow students, but some of them are just so ... young. Especially the undergrads, obviously. Still, no kids to worry about, no home to sell, just 2 kitties and some furniture to drag out of CA with me. Could be worse.

Assuming I get in anywhere. *sigh* Waiting is hell.

[OldGrad2012]

I'm 37 and will be starting grad school away from the Bay Area, CA. At lease, it is still in CA. I'm married, but no kids and no mortgage to worry about. My wife is unemployed though and want to stay in the Bay Area to find jobs, which is an issue anyway. I will be leaving a well paid job also. So it is kind of a burden that need to be resolve. But it could be worse I guess.

[WannaBeEast]

I'm 41 and I've got every issue imaginable . My husband was active duty Navy so I didn't even finish my BA until I was 37. I have five kids (2 in college), three dogs, a cat, cows, a horse, and chickens. I have a farm and I'm going to have to leave it to go into a PhD program because my state has none in my field. Leaving my family is not an option, so my husband has to find a new job in this economy, my kids have to change schools and make new friends, and I have to sell or rent my house. But this may all be a case of worrying for nothing, because I am also quite afraid that my age and the constraints both it and my responsibilities have placed on my ability to build my CV with beaucoup accomplishments may mean I won't get in anywhere. I'll never forget the day a professor asked me if I would put in an application for a Fulbright and then immediately answered her own question with "Oh, that's right, you have a family."

However, because I live with teenagers, I don't need a translator to understand teens and 20-somethings. But maybe I could BE the translator!

[Andsowego]

I'm quite close to finishing my PhD (if all goes according to plan) and will be 35 when it's done. There are two things about being a grad student in this age range that I've found to be difficult: First, going from a full-time job, "back" to living on a student budget. I'm not gonna lie. It sucks giant monkey balls. And second, going from working in a professional position of some authority, to being treated like a child again (not necessarily from my university - though it happens there too - but just in general by the bank, government, landlord, etc...). I can totally relate to what others have said. It's exhausting sometimes, having to remind people that I'm an adult - not some 22 year old kid straight out of undergrad (please, no offense to anyone reading this thread who might fit that description! I'm just being honest about how it feels).

[Michelleelleh]

hey, what do you guys think about having kids while in grad school. I've been told it's the way to go, but only from people without kids.

[OldGrad2012]

I don't know about that. I would imagine it will distract you from your study in grad school. Do you know of anyone who actually have kids during their grad school years? It is a very interesting topic.

[Hopeful SLP]

I don't know about that. I would imagine it will distract you from your study in grad school. Do you know of anyone who actually have kids during their grad school years? It is a very interesting topic.

my professor got pregnant with her first in the middle of her Ph.D. -- suddenly funding "disappeared" and she was outright told that serious Ph.D. students don't have babies.

[OldGrad2012]

So what happened then, she continue and got her PhD anyway?

[Hopeful SLP]

So what happened then, she continue and got her PhD anyway?

She did. But she never got her funding back, and her relationship with her advisors remained strained.

Edited February 14, 2012 by Hopeful SLP

[emmm]

I'll join - 40+, 3 kids - 2 officially college age, one in a dual enrollment program. Only applied locally and got lucky, considering my long stint as a SAHM. My program seems to be supportive of women having kids during grad school (a number of women have done/are thinking of doing this), but I'm really glad my kids are self-sufficient now. I wouldn't want to be juggling both jobs right now. I wouldn't mind a little more family support, but I'm happy, and that's what matters to me most at this stage.

Edited February 14, 2012 by emmm

[AlisN1dlan]

Actually I would hate to be hanging since I was 35;) Finishing up an MA in history. Applied to only two schools for my PhD - am in at UMaine and still waiting for UConn. Either school will be good for me - I'm a 19th century New Englandist - but moving to Maine was never high on my list of priorities.

[Clou12]

I am 34 and applying now for a PhD. I worry about not starting a family, building retirement, losing income etc.

I am excited about putting my years of experience and translate it into research and sharing with others in a program of somewhat "equally minded" people.

As far as having kids while doing your PhD. I have several PhD friends who said do it after coursework is completed, then it is easier to manage. That is my plan, if I get in. Oh and if I find a hubby.

[jerzygrl]

I'm a member!

I went back to UG for a degree so I have become used to being around the younger set. Several of them have become good friends of mine- you will find that generally, the smart students (those going on to their Phd.) behave like adults and not children. My UG has been very diverse and I also found a whole group of mature women that have been great. Honestly, I think diversity is a good thing and you will be surprised by many of the students you will encounter.

As for having kids... I have some of those! They are school aged and we have been talking about the possibility of moving with them. The hardest part is talking in abstractions ("if I get in university x, y, or z we can live here, but if I get into college a then we will live here). I will not be having any more children, but for those who do want to have kids during grad school, definately wait until after you finished course work. They are amazing little time warping beings! Depending on your field they can really be an asset though. You really gain insight into time management (think you had awesome skills before... have a few kids and see how those skills transform). Plus, in anthropology my kids will serve as a conduit for social interaction. If I am living in a community I automatically gain access to numerous families and I am trusted because of having children (it's a sad day for social interaction to have this realization, but it is true!).

Good luck everyone!

[WannaBeEast]

If you want to have kids, have kids. When I started my UG, I had five children 12 and under and I still managed to graduate with a 4.0 and Distinguished Honors, only one of three in my graduating class to do so. Jerzygrl commented on time management skills and she's right--you need those.

In this day and age, I can't believe a department pulled funding because of a pregnancy. It's outrageous. I never used my family as an excuse to miss a deadline or do less than my best, but the professors in my department were incredibly supportive and in my corner every step of the way. In fact, several professors expressed admiration for my work ethic and were always willing to provide me with recommendations for various things in large part because they felt I had demonstrated the ability to succeed regardless of the circumstance. Several other grad students had babies and they received the same positive treatment.

Having children in grad school means choosing to spend your time differently than your peers who are without children. I loved the flexibility that grad school gave me to work my schedule around my family life. Sure, I sacrificed some things, but my children have said they never felt neglected and I developed self-discipline and focus.

Edited February 14, 2012 by WannaBeEast

[Ablukhov]

If you want to have kids, have kids. When I started my UG, I had five children 12 and under and I still managed to graduate with a 4.0 and Distinguished Honors, only one of three in my graduating class to do so. Jerzygrl commented on time management skills and she's right--you need those.

In this day and age, I can't believe a department pulled funding because of a pregnancy. It's outrageous. I never used my family as an excuse to miss a deadline or do less than my best, but the professors in my department were incredibly supportive and in my corner every step of the way. In fact, several professors expressed admiration for my work ethic and were always willing to provide me with recommendations for various things in large part because they felt I had demonstrated the ability to succeed regardless of the circumstance. Several other grad students had babies and they received the same positive treatment.

Having children in grad school means choosing to spend your time differently than your peers who are without children. I loved the flexibility that grad school gave me to work my schedule around my family life. Sure, I sacrificed some things, but my children have said they never felt neglected and I developed self-discipline and focus.

I'm not technically part of this club as I'm only 30, but I'm still significantly older than the majority of applicants and can definitely relate to these issues. In particular, children have been on my mind because my husband and I know we want to have kids and in all reality that means pregnancy and child-rearing while I'm getting my PhD. Thanks for the assurance that it can be done, WannaBeEast!

[wildviolet]

I will be 33 next month, and I have two kids, ages four and six.

I think my age is okay for my field--education--because many people go back to grad school after having taught K-12 for some number of years. I don't feel like this is a disadvantage at all. In fact, because of my experiences, responsibilities, and maturity, I feel like I will be able to truly appreciate the time to learn and grow in grad school, time that you don't often have working a full-time job.

My thesis adviser had her baby when she was in her doctoral program, and I know of a lady who had her first born three months into her first year as a doctoral student, so it can be done! The best advice I have is to make sure that you have a good support system. I was lucky to have my mom to watch the babies and take them to preschool while I was working full-time and doing my MS part-time.

Good luck!

[Ablukhov]

Thanks wildviolet!

Everyone on this thread has such an inspiring story! Well, that's one worry off my list...now I'll I have to do is actually get accepted somewhere ; )

[jerzygrl]

I'm not technically part of this club as I'm only 30, but I'm still significantly older than the majority of applicants and can definitely relate to these issues. In particular, children have been on my mind because my husband and I know we want to have kids and in all reality that means pregnancy and child-rearing while I'm getting my PhD. Thanks for the assurance that it can be done, WannaBeEast!

It can definately be done, but I second what another poster said- have a good support system. I see you have an interview with Rutgers. Great program, but be aware that they have no help for students with children (then again neither do NYU or Princeton, but somehow they seem to accomodate students more). The prof's are (usually) amazing in their support of students, but the institution is one giant hamster wheel that never changes dierection. (It is lovingly called the "RU Screw"). That being said, it is a great area and there is a lot for children in the neighboring areas in case you decide to cross the Hudson to live

Just for the sake of the conversation, anyone thinking of children should look at Cornell to see how a program *can* be. They have amazing resources for students with children and it is a shame that other schools do not copy their example. Yes, it costs money, but schools would have happier more productive students if they would give a little more. We should organize and demand more services! Power in numbers!