A weird question about thank you letters

[greenertea]

So I recently got rejected from a school but had been meaning to sent a thank you letter to a professor who emailed before the interview and took extra time at the interview to talk to me about his project. But sadly, I got rejected from this school I had been meaning to send him a thank you letter, but it sort of got away from me with all the other interview madness.

Do you think it's awkward that I send him a thank you letter now? Thanks in advance

[Pitangus]

If he spent extra time and effort with you and you are appreciative, then I don't see the problem with sending a thank you. I feel that gratitude shouldn't have to be a game; if you're thankful for something, then thank the person who did it. Just be genuine and not over the top and I'm sure he'll appreciate your graciousness. And if not, well, not to dwell on the rejection, but what's the worst that could happen at this point? He'll think it's strange for about two seconds and then forget.

I personally don't think it's weird to thank someone after being rejected. Just because you didn't get accepted to a program doesn't mean you now hate everyone connected to it (hopefully, though it's interesting to read the results boards and see how many rejected people suddenly think the school is the worst place ever...)

Edited March 2, 2012 by Pitangus

[123student]

I don't think it's awkward at all. If he took time to discuss his work with you, he thought highly of you and of your projected work. He could be someone who could offer valuable guidance later on as you make your own career. Just because the adcom voted to decline your application, for any number or combination of reasons, doesn't mean you can't have interesting exchanges with this professor in the future. When you send your thank you letter, you could just say something about how talking with him has opened a new angle of research you want to look into now. It's unlikely he'll see your name on the envelope and immediately think: "We rejected this applicant!" More likely, he'll remember talking to you about your works, and might reciprocate by opening a new avenue of communication.

[emmm]

Definitely send the letter. It's quite possible you will have opportunities to interact in the future -- the world of science can be pretty small at times. If you connected, he might very well be interested in hearing from you and hearing where you ended up.

[coonskee]

Definitely send the letter. It's quite possible you will have opportunities to interact in the future -- the world of science can be pretty small at times. If you connected, he might very well be interested in hearing from you and hearing where you ended up.

I definitely agree with this. The truth is, across any line of work, whether it's science, business, art, or basket weaving - who you know can sometimes be far more important than what you know. Keep this connection open; you never know how it may be able to benefit you (and the PI!) in the future.

I'm sorry about the rejection (I've been stalking your signature for a while to see an update on CU because if you got accepted I was going to ask if I'd met you at the interview weekend!).

[virion]

I agree with everyone else. If you appreciate their time and their work, send the letter regardless of whether their program is rejecting you or you're rejecting their program.

[dhm0219]

Yeah I mean unless sending the letter was aimed only at helping your chance of acceptance, I would still send it. If you're truly grateful that he took the time, then thanking him shouldn't be dependent on your admissions result.

[kgumps2012]

I agree that you should send it, especially since it is who you know that can help you along the way. Who knows. That thank you could help you get a post doc later down the line.

[DeeLovely79]

You should send the letter but I think it would be nicer to wait until you decide where you are going and include that in your letter.

Edited March 2, 2012 by DeeLovely79

[virion]

You should send the letter but I think it would be nicer to wait until you decide where you are going and include that in your letter.

True, but I tried to avoid stating it in the first letter (depending on the schools, it might seem like bragging or something rude/strange?). Without exception so far, though, they asked in their response so of course I told them.

[spew]

The reason you got rejected is because you didn't send the thank you in time! Just imagine if you had!!

[greenertea]

Thanks for all the advice! Indeed, I was really impressed with his work and wanted to thank him earlier but it easily slips the mind when you're constantly preparing for and attending interviews. I have no intention of contacting him to try to reverse the decision. I hold no grudges or regrets at all in fact -- I'm sure the committee had their reasons.

@coonskee, I was at the first weekend so not sure if you were there or not?

[coonskee]

@coonskee, I was at the first weekend so not sure if you were there or not?

January 20th, right? I was too - my real name's Ola (I'm female - I think my username confuses people so I'll clarify ).

[greenertea]

January 20th, right? I was too - my real name's Ola (I'm female - I think my username confuses people so I'll clarify ).

Lol, it was so long ago I don't remember very many names, but I'm sure I met you at some point. Congrats and have fun at Columbia!

[greenertea]

In case anyone is curious, a mini update: he never responded to my email. No regrets sending it, but I sure hope I didn't offend him.

Edited March 15, 2012 by greenertea

[Pitangus]

In case anyone is curious, a mini update: he never responded to my email. No regrets sending it, but I sure hope I didn't offend him.

Aw, I doubt that you offended him though. Either he is too busy to respond right away or he just doesn't respond to thank you notes. I'm sure some people are extremely friendly or polite, so they respond to every message they get, but others might read a thank you note for what it is, appreciate the sentiment, and move on. Unless the note included a question or prompted further contact, I don't think it's unreasonable to view it as the end of the conversation.

It's nice to be reassured that your message was received; on the other hand, if people sent thank yous for every thank you, the cycle would go on forever!

You did the polite thing; don't worry about it.

Edited March 15, 2012 by Pitangus

[emmm]

I am assuming this is someone who had communicated with you in the past, otherwise I agree with the poster above. I don't expect responses to thank you notes as a matter of course. I don't think he could be offended, but he might be worried that responding to a rejected student might lead to more annoying emails in the future (paranoid). Or he sees no value in communicating with someone who won't be in the program (rude). Or he could just be busy (but still, isn't everyone?). I had a similar experience with one prof -- he had responded before I got rejected, then nothing. But other profs reponded and even gave unsolicited encouragement.I was brought up to thank everyone, so I had to -- I would have felt like a slacker if I hadn't.

[greenertea]

I am assuming this is someone who had communicated with you in the past, otherwise I agree with the poster above. I don't expect responses to thank you notes as a matter of course. I don't think he could be offended, but he might be worried that responding to a rejected student might lead to more annoying emails in the future (paranoid). Or he sees no value in communicating with someone who won't be in the program (rude). Or he could just be busy (but still, isn't everyone?). I had a similar experience with one prof -- he had responded before I got rejected, then nothing. But other profs reponded and even gave unsolicited encouragement.I was brought up to thank everyone, so I had to -- I would have felt like a slacker if I hadn't.

Thanks all for the encouragement! And yes, emmm, this professor was the one who initiated contact with me originally. But I'll probably bump into him at a conference again, just hope it's not awkward.