Would appreciate comments on my SOP

[SOProblems]

Hi there,

I am planning to apply for a PhD in Economics and I have to, of course, hand in a short SOP.

The problem: I find it quite difficult to write about myself. I am somehow blocked, it just does not work that well.

Moreover, I don`t really know what they expect. Of course I read alot in this forum and elsewhere, but still ...

I attached the beginning of my kind of first draft of my SOP. I know that it is far from perfect! I would appreciate a lot of helpful comments (and probably even corrections of spelling, grammar and punctuation).

Does it go into the right direction or am I messing this up completely?

So here we go (just the beginning):

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“If you have no other plans, you should become a professor in economics”, a professor once told me after having read my paper on XYZ that I wrote in his XYZ class.

I started studying economics because I wanted to know how economies work in detail. The questions that I had in mind before I began studying - at the time I had a rather vague idea about economics as an academic discipline - were questions that I would now, five years later, classify as typical macroeconomic issues. Why do economies grow? How does the international monetary system function? And what about business cycles?

Ironically, after the first semester of my Bachelor studies I knew exactly what I want to focus on: Micro- rather than Macroeconomics. As a result, I ended up taking as many micro and micro-related courses as possible and specialized in Microeconomics, Public Economics and Game Theory. The course programme I pursued during my Bachelor studies also equipped me with a wide range of quantitative skills in the areas of Mathematics, Statistics, Econometrics and Information Systems, to name just a few.

Due to my strong preference for attending micro-related courses during my first three years of studying economics I was not able to adequately cover other disciplines that I am also interested in, such as Trade and Development. This is why I decided to choose a masters programme in International Economics and to focus on Development Economics, International Trade and quantitative skills. I am now close to finishing my master studies and I am eager to begin with the doctoral programme in economics at the XYZ this fall.

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Thanks!

[R Deckard]

I would start by saying exactly why you are apply to graduate school (I am applying to school X to study Y).

Due to my strong preference for attending micro-related courses during my first three years of studying economics I was not able to adequately cover other disciplines that I am also interested in, such as Trade and Development.

I would revise this sentence and formulate it from a positive perspective. Perhaps say: I have studied microeconomics extensively, but I would also like to explore the other areas of economics... Or something along those lines.

Edited March 12, 2012 by Rick Deckard

[coffeeplease]

I think you're off to a good start. My suggestion is that you make your interests more explicit and more specific.

You mention the general questions that interested you when you began your studies (Why do economies grow? etc) and you mention general areas that interest you now (Development Econ and International Trade -- I am assuming here that you want to continue studying these topics, but you don't actually say this). But you don't say what questions about these areas interest you now. What specific questions or issues within these fields do you want to explore as a PhD student? And why?

[psychgurl]

I'm not so sure I would start with the quote in the beginning as it is; I know what you mean now...but when I read it the first time, I thought it meant that if you have no idea what to do, you should become an economics professor. Perhaps you could clear up this misconception if you elaborate on when you first realized that you wanted to pursue an academic career (so adcomm's know that one professor's comment to you wasn't the cause of your career choice).

Also, do you have any projects with professors you can expand upon? Related work experience? Master's thesis? Any detail that you can add to make your personal statement unique should be added. For me, I talked at length about my research experience in psych labs/post-graduation job and how these experiences prepared me for graduate school. I think your experiences are the best ways to prove that you are ready for grad school, not your course work. Talk about how these experiences have helped increase your commitment to this career path and focused your research interests into a specific graduate research agenda. Tie these SPECIFIC research interests into the work of professors in each department you are applying to. Perceived fit seems to be one of the most important factors in admissions decisions.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

[splitends]

First off-- are you applying next fall? If so, you're starting really early. Of course in many ways that's a good thing, but keep in mind that things could change a bit between now and December when application deadlines start rolling around.

But about the statement: For the first draft, I think it can be more helpful to get everything down on paper, even if it's unorganized or poorly communicated, than to try to write clearly and hold back. Certainly from an editor's perspective it is easier to comment on a mess of ideas that need more structure or elaboration or concision than to try to figure out what is missing from a clear but limited statement, especially when your editors are a forum of anonymous strangers.

I would encourage you to explore a little more what makes you stick out as an applicant: what makes you passionate, what makes you especially well qualified, etc. Based on what you have there, all I know about you is that you studied economics because you wanted to learn about the economy, you took lots of classes on microeconomics, and a professor once told you that you should go to grad school. I have to imagine that that description could belong to just about anyone applying to econ programs.

So I think right now the main strength is that it's clearly written (which is huge, because a lot of people have problems with that when writing application essays), but I think the biggest weakness is that it sounds a little generic. One way to deal with this might be to add a few more concrete details about your experiences, your accomplishments, etc.

Also, if you're going to start with an anecdote, I would make it a little stronger than the one sentence you have. The "If you have no other plans..." just makes it sound like an offhand comment or something-- not really a strong introduction. You could switch routes and dive right into saying "I want to study X for A B C reasons." If you do want to have that catchy opening, though, just make it a little more vivid and meaningful. It can be a little more time/space consuming than the other route, but it can be effective IF it's done well.

I'd also echo the earlier comment about rephrasing to make it sound more positive rather than make it sound like an excuse for something. Other than that, I think the tone is about right

Anyway, if you want more general advice, I'd recommend checking this out: http://grad.berkeley.edu/admissions/state_purpose.shtml

Good luck!

[wine in coffee cups]

I totally understand finding it hard to write about yourself, it's kind of miserable but well worth it to suck it up and put yourself out there. Some pointers:

• Take all the prompts from the programs you are applying to and combine them into a mega-prompt. Make sure you address every single thing that is asked of you (not clear if what you have now would do that). The prompts can be vague individually, but giving yourself more constraints to work around usually makes things easier by inducing an obvious structure.
  
• Your introductory vignette is disconnected from everything else, and to be honest, I had a mixed reaction to it that I don't think you were going for. It took me a second to realize this was actually a positive comment on your potential because the "If you have no other plans..." negative lead was what I processed first in my quick read. I would rethink this and maybe try to come up with a different "hook" that ties in better to the rest of what you write, or else just begin straightforwardly.
  
• As those above are saying, you need more specifics. You want this to read like you wrote it, not any other interchangeable prospective economics PhD. Talking about projects you've worked on can show your scholarly potential and intellectual curiosity even if they're not directly related to what you want to study. Right now what I'm getting is you were somewhat naively interested in macro, but then soon switched to micro. I'm not really sure why or what interested you about microeconomics specifically because you actually spent more space talking about macroeconomic questions that drew you in but you stopped caring about for unclear reasons, and then your current interests in development seem to come out of nowhere.
  
• Courses will be on your transcript, so you shouldn't use much space mentioning that you took them unless you are trying to make a specific point about your interests or describing some special/non-obvious skills or interests you got out of them.
  
• I think you have a good command of the written word so I don't anticipate that grammar, spelling, sentence structure, and such will be a problem for you, though of course you should have others read over your drafts for those once you get closer to submission. What you really should do now is figure out what experiences you have that make you an interesting potential scholar and then write about those. What I found best was to create the mega-prompt as mentioned above, set up a rough outline, and then fill that in with semi-rambling paragraphs talking about every possible concrete thing I thought might be interesting. I initially went way over the word limits (which were 1000 words at most schools), but then found a lot of crap that could be discarded or stated much more concisely to bring it down to a much tighter 900 words.
  

[SOProblems]

Hello again,

thanks alot for all these helpful comments! I think (or rather hope;) that you really helped me to improve my SOP.

@ R Deckard: Thanks for the two remarks you made. In the second draft of my SOP (see below) I added an introductory sentence/paragraph as you told me and I also revised the other sentence with the intention to make it sound utterly positive;)

@ coffeeplease: That you think that I made a good start gave me alot of motivation to not give up! Thanks! You also told me to be more specific. I tried that a little bit - and I think it made the second draft alot better than the first one - but I guess I need to be even more specific... But that is really hard!

@ psychgurl: I kicked the "If you don`t know what to do, then ..." quote. You might have noticed that I am not native in english. And this is why my quote sounds that odd. I once made a semester abroad in an english speaking country and then I met this prof in one of my classes and he said something along these lines. But I forgot the exact wording. What I do know is that he also meant it a little bit ironically (or sarcastically), if you know what I mean. I.e. it was actually meant like "If you really have nothing else to do, then..." - in a funny way. He was just a nice guy and this is how he made a complement on the paper I delivered. But now I don`t use that in my SOP anymore. Just too confusing.

And I also tried to incorporate my research experience, I think this is the main improvement of the second draft. What do you think?

@ splitends: I am not applying next fall. Actually, I am applying next week. I apply to european programmes and the deadlines are a little bit later than in the US. Next week will be the first deadline of one out of a couple of programmes that I am applying to, so I will need to have at least something up until then. But I guess I will change my letter alot before I apply to all the other programmes (there is still some weeks left for the others).

And you are right! The first draft was very generic (a new word I learnt in this forum;), but now I improved on that (hopefully).

@ wine in coffee cups: Your comments are valuable too. I tried to take them into account. Thanks!

And here is my second draft:

===============================================================================================

I am applying for the doctoral XYZ of the XYZ program to prepare for the XYZ and for the PhD at XYZ. My research interests lie first and foremost in the areas of microeconomics, development economics, international trade and in the interplay between these disciplines. Specifically, I am interested in microeconomic perspectives of development and in the linkages between trade and development.

I started studying economics because I wanted to know how economies work in detail. The questions that I had in mind before I began studying - at the time I had a rather vague idea about economics as an academic discipline - were questions that I would now, five years later, classify as typical macroeconomic issues. Why do economies grow? How does the international monetary system function? And what about business cycles?

Ironically, after the first semester of my Bachelor studies I knew exactly what I want to focus on: micro- rather than macroeconomics. What fascinated me the most about microeconomics is its abstract, analytical and coherent approach, the extensive use of mathematics in microeconomic modelling (all of which reminded me a lot of physics that I had as a major in high school) and the wide range of possible applications (such as the study of strategic interactions in game-theoretic settings). As a result, I ended up taking as many micro and micro-related courses as possible and specialized in microeconomics, public economics and game theory. Studying these disciplines greatly influenced my way of thinking. I began seeing the world through different eyes, through the eyes of a (micro-)economist. The course program I pursued during my Bachelor studies also equipped me with a wide range of quantitative skills in the areas of mathematics, statistics, econometrics and information systems, to name just a few.

As I have studied microeconomics extensively during my first three years of studying, I felt inclined to explore other areas of economics that I also have great interest in during my Master studies. This is why I decided to choose a Master program in International Economics and to focus on development economics, international trade and quantitative skills. I am now close to graduating from the Master's program and I am eager to begin with the doctoral programme in economics at the XYZ this fall for many reasons.

Firstly, while I already have acquired special knowledge and skills during the coursework of my previous studies, I want to plunge in deeper into specific disciplines, especially in the areas of modern development and advanced microeconomics. I would also like to deepen and strenghten my already solid quantitative skills. Particularly, I would like to get more training in advanced econometric techniques, such as advanced time series analysis, and to apply these to my PhD research questions.

Secondly, I want to contribute towards cutting-edge research. I discovered my passion for research when I made a six months internship with an interdisciplinary, independent and non-profit think tank during my undergraduate studies. As the reseacher of a project team that developed a social policy scheme aiming at alleviating the disequality of opportunities in the XYZ education system I gathered my first experience as a researcher. Moreover, to optimally prepare for PhD studies, I tried to do as much academic writing as possible during my Master studies, above all in the areas of development economics, international trade and applied econometrics. To give just one example, in my most recent seminar paper I analysed the effectiveness of XYZ by applying advanced econometric techniques to a self-composed panel data set. While my research built on the work done by other authors, by using unique model specifications I was able to better deal with potential endogeneity problems (omitted variable bias in this particular case) and to create new and useful knowledge. The feedback my professors gave me on my academic writings during my graduate studies (8 papers in total without the master thesis) were utterly positive in all cases. As such, I am profoundly convinced that my research bears the potential to contribute to the literature. During my second exchange semester with the XYZ in XYZ I also attended the weekly PhD research seminar at the Department of Economics at one of my professors special invitation. This experience reinforced my decision to do my PhD in Economics.

And thirdly, ...

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What do you think?

Is there anything that sounds odd?

Shall I leave it like that with the comparison between micro and physics or shall I kick that out?

Any other thoughts?

Obvious spelling, grammar, punctuation mistakes?

Thanks alot for any comment!

Oh and then:

Shall I mention that I was a teaching assistant (in micro)? And then, I am also the student with the best grades in my master studies. Shall I point that out or would that sound swanky?

[R Deckard]

The intro is much more clear now (good). I would omit the bit about physics, as it doesn't seem relevant to anything else. Otherwise, it is starting to look pretty good, although you can always keep polishing it.

[coffeeplease]

First of all, this draft is a vast improvement over what you had before. Secondly, writing the SOP is a process and many of us went through 23539845 drafts on the way to applying. Well, I did anyway. I've put my comments directly into the draft. I'm pretty nit-picky, but don't be put off by that. Like I said, this draft is better and you're headed in the right direction.

I am applying for the doctoral XYZ of the XYZ program to prepare for the XYZ and for the PhD at XYZ. My research interests lie first and foremost in the areas of microeconomics, development economics, international trade and in the interplay between these disciplines. Specifically, I am interested in microeconomic perspectives of development and in the linkages between trade and development. (This beginning is much better than what you had before!)

I started studying economics because I wanted to know how economies work in detail. At the time I had a rather vague idea about economics as an academic discipline, and the questions I had in mind are ones that I would now, five years later, classify as typical macroeconomic issues. (I changed the order of this sentence around a bit, see what you think) Why do economies grow? How does the international monetary system function? And what about business cycles?

Ironically, after the first semester of my Bachelor studies I knew exactly what I want to focus on: micro- rather than macroeconomics. What fascinated me the most about microeconomics is its abstract, analytical and coherent approach, the extensive use of mathematics in microeconomic modelling (all of which reminded me a lot of physics that I had as a major in high school) and the wide range of possible applications, (such as the study of strategic interactions in game-theoretic settings). As a result, I ended up taking as many micro and micro-related courses as possible, and specialized specializing in microeconomics, public economics and game theory. Studying these disciplines greatly influenced my way of thinking. I began seeing the world through different eyes, through the eyes of a (micro-)economist. I know what you're trying to say here, but it sounds a bit clicheed, and is unnecessary. The course program I pursued during my Bachelor studies also equipped me with a wide range of quantitative skills in the areas of mathematics, statistics, econometrics and information systems, to name just a few.

As I have studied microeconomics extensively during my first three years of studying, After studying microeconomics for three years, I felt inclined to explore explored or began to explore other areas of economics that I also have great interest in during my Master studies. This is why I decided to choose a Master program in International Economics and to focus on development economics, international trade and quantitative skills Again, are there any particular aspects of these areas that interest you or that you have focused on? Even one more sentence about specifics would make your essay stand out more. I am now close to graduating from the Master's program and I am eager to begin with the a doctoral programme in economics at the XYZ this fall for many reasons.

Firstly, while I already have acquired special knowledge and skills during the coursework of my previous studies, I want to plunge in deeper into explore, examine in detail (plunge sounds odd) specific disciplines, especially in the areas of modern development and advanced microeconomics. I would also like to deepen and strenghten my already solid quantitative skills, particularly, I would like to get more training in advanced econometric techniques, such as advanced time series analysis, and to apply these to my PhD research questions Which are what???.

Secondly, I want to contribute towards to cutting-edge research. I discovered my passion for research when I made completed a six months internship with an interdisciplinary, independent and non-profit think tank during my undergraduate studies. As the reseacher (the researcher? were you the only one? did you have a specific title?) of a project team that developed a social policy scheme aiming aimed at alleviating the disequality inequality/inequity of opportunities in the XYZ education system, I gathered my first experience as a researcher (this last part of the sentence is obvious; consider reshaping the sentence to be more active, ie, I gathered my first experience as a researcher on a project team aimed at...). Moreover, to optimally prepare in preparation for my PhD studies, I have tried to do as much academic writing as possible during my Master studies,; I have written papers in areas such as above all in the areas of development economics, international trade and applied econometrics. To give just one example, In my most recent seminar paper, I analysed the effectiveness of XYZ by applying advanced econometric techniques (name them) to a self-composed panel data set (I assume you are bringing this up because it is your writing sample?). While my research built on the work done by other authors, by Using unique model specifications, I was able to better deal with potential endogeneity problems (omitted variable bias in this particular case Is this necessary to mention here?) and to create new and useful knowledge. The feedback my professors gave have given me on my academic writings during my graduate studies (8 papers in total without the master thesis) were utterly positive in all cases. This should be clear from your transcript and LORs, you don't need to mention it here. As such, I am profoundly convinced that my research bears the potential to contribute to the literature. During my second exchange semester with the XYZ in XYZ I also attended the weekly PhD research seminar at the Department of Economics at one of my professor's special invitation. This experience reinforced my decision to do my PhD in Economics why? Did it give you insight into academia? Your discipline? Research?.

And thirdly, ...

============================================================================================================

What do you think?

Is there anything that sounds odd?

Shall I leave it like that with the comparison between micro and physics or shall I kick that out?

Any other thoughts? I still don't know what your specific research questions are. You talk about how prepared you are to deal with them, but I can imagine that would be hard for an adcomm to assess if you don't say what your interests are.

Obvious spelling, grammar, punctuation mistakes?

Thanks alot for any comment!

Oh and then:

Shall I mention that I was a teaching assistant (in micro)? Yes, if you think it shows skills relevant to the PhD studies. And then, I am also the student with the best grades in my master studies. Shall I point that out or would that sound swanky? No, it will sound like bragging. That is the kind of thing profs will bring up in LORs; otherwise your grades will reflect your ability.

I think you should take some time to think about your specific research questions. I know they can be hard to articulate; maybe look at old papers you've written, or articles you find interesting for inspiration. It's a very important element of the SOP, and I don't feel like I know what your exact interests and plans are after reading through the essay.

Hope that helps -- keep at it! You're making good progress.

[psychgurl]

Much better...a more global comment is that I would move the info in your paragraph that starts out "Secondly" earlier. You seem to talk about how you discovered your passion for economics in the second/third paragraphs in a vague/fluffy sort of way, and I feel like the concrete experiences you lay out in the "Secondly" paragraph better demonstrate this. I understand that the second paragraph sets up why you are passionate about microecon specifically, but reading it the first time I was confused about why your info about your passion for related research wasn't connected with that.

Edited March 15, 2012 by psychgurl

[MashaMashaMasha]

I'm not sold on the transition from macro to micro, then back to macro. I don't think you need to apologize for the micro courses you took, and that's what it sounds like when I read your 2nd and 3rd paragraph. I will echo others in asking for solid and specific research questions. Show them that you can think analytically about a real issue.

Actually, I think the strongest part is the intro. I want to hear more about the relationship between microeconomic perspectives on development and international trade. As it stands, this point gets buried.