The Ultimate Freakout: Can you change your mind after declining?

[3NYschools]

Way to start a career, I know.

Offer A: Accepted by e-mail but not through the website/'officially'.

Offer B: Declined through website/'officially' *and* wrote elaborate e-mails explaining why (research fit).

Just wrote to Offer B contact from Admit committee to ask if it was too late to reconsider, explained briefly that I had been under so much pressure (I have) by everyone to decide quickly and that I may have miscounted certain factors.

I know I have till April 15th either way, but tell me, people, just how royal and permanent is the damage? For what it's worth, these are two different programs. Offer A is social sciences at an underfunded public U and Offer B is regional studies at an ivy league. They are both full fellowships but Offer B is much more secure (nevermind a better bet in the long run) than Offer A, especially since B has more resources in general.

The worst part is? Both of these offers are in the same city, and wherever I end up, I will want to take classes at the other one through a consortium! Should I shoot myself in the head at this point or what?

TRAUMA.

[3NYschools]

Um allow me to correct that. I do *not* know that I have till April 15th either way. I mean I know there is no legal oblication to Offer A yet, but I wonder if Offer B is still even possible since I have declined on the website/system????

Does anyone have experience with accepting an offer after having declined, as long as it's ahead of April 15th that is? Is it possible?

And again the original question of, how much damage am I incurring?

[Quantum Buckyball]

I don't think so, once you declined your offer the admission committee will give your spot to another applicant, especially if the initial offer included stipend or fellowship and tuition waiver.

However, I think they would accept you without the financial support.

[rising_star]

You may be able to get your spot back. I'd talk to someone about this on the phone, rather than trying to handle it via email.

[3NYschools]

this particular department only gives out PhD acceptances that are fellowships; apparently if you decline the spot goes to no one and the department loses the money.

the person in question wrote back saying the offer was still available. so phew.

but really how much damage am i incurring here at both places - ack

[Quantum Buckyball]

That's a great news!

[POG0628]

It's possible there could be some people who feel their toes have been stepped on, specifically at Choice A.

But I think the more important question is this: What to you feels like it will be the hardest to live with? Rejecting a school after giving them an unofficial acceptance, or going to a program that you don't actually want to be at for 5-6 years?

[hope4fall2012]

What to you feels like it will be the hardest to live with? Rejecting a school after giving them an unofficial acceptance, or going to a program that you don't actually want to be at for 5-6 years?

That's the best way to put it, me thinks.. Some people at School A might be offended, but hopefully the bridges you burn might heal or even better, may not matter at all.

I'm guessing grad school will be one long, difficult journey. Make sure you don't start off in the wrong frame of mind by joining a program you have second thoughts about, especially when you feel you have a better option.