Don't laugh... how do you meet 'em?

[heneyka]

Hi fellow MSW students/grads!

As I prepare for my first year of grad school in a new city, I find my mind occasionally wandering away from thoughts of course readings and practicum opportunities and toward thoughts of...romance?

Hear me out: I have dated a little bit on-and-off since my last serious relationship a couple of years back, but found that since leaving school (the world's greatest dating pool, IMO), it was harder and harder to meet like-minded and compatible male partners. I also spent the last 2 years working in public health, a predominantly female nurse-populated field, and while my social life was great, I mostly spent time with the same core group of friends and didn't meet a lot of potential partners.

SO, that being said, I can't help but ask: Does anybody have any advice for a single straight female who wants to meet folks of the opposite sex while on or off campus? It likely won't be in class - last year's cohort had 1 male who also happened to be interested in other men, so that's not promising! I am open to getting involved in things, but I also know that many of my volunteer or recreational interests are in female-dominated areas, eg. volunteering in a peer help centre or joining a theatre/choir group.

I hope this doesn't come across as ridiculous or vacuous in this forum. Obviously, my studies and career are my top priority as I start my MSW and I don't intend to waste precious working hours desperately creeping the campus bar trying to 'hook up.' However, I can't help but also see going back to school as a great opportunity to meet passionate, intelligent and driven people who might make for (a) great partner(s) and want to see what other MSW students find has helped them meet folks outside of the female-dominated class environment.

Thanks guys!

[citychild]

Honestly, and this is just my opinion, romance and love come when you stop intentionally looking for them. I met the love of my life while at a hospital... when I was not looking... nor involved with school or social work in any capacity. We have been together for over three years.

I feel love is not something that can be readily planned. Love is in a constant state of change. Be patient... it is hard, I know. Just because you are not finding anyone out there in your specific field does not mean passionate men are not out there. I also think opposites attract. There are passionate teachers, doctors, engineers. The academic environment, especially at the level of graduate school, lends itself to passion for learning.

[heneyka]

Hi Citychild, thanks for writing When you mention the opposites thing, I actually have that more in mind - my last relationship was with an engineer and, while you can't define a person solely by their field of work/study, I have always kind of wanted to end up with one because I find that kind of thinking attractive (different from my own). You're totally right about not looking as one way of finding...as I read that, I feel a little self-conscious of this post because it sounds kind of desperate and advice-columny, but I feel like I've been 'not looking' for a long time and just want to create a more favourable environment for meeting more people. I am curious about peoples' own experiences so thanks for sharing yours

[AmyRebecca]

Definitely not a ridiculous post, and I am confident that there are probably a lot of people reading this post and thinking the same thing.

I agree that finding someone shouldn't be your focus, and by the sound of things, it doesn't seem like it is.

My best piece of advice is to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and try new things. Get involved with the graduate association affiliated with your school. That way you will come across intelligent/passionate people that may not be in your field. I am sure that they have graduate outings/bar on campus, and this is probably your best bet.

I wasn't looking for a relationship when I found my significant other, but I was constantly putting myself in situations where I was able to meet new people. That way, if nothing else, you can expand your circle of friends... and who knows where that can lead!

[MSW13]

This is a great question! I'm sorry, I dont have any idea of how graduate student life is since I'm still trying to gain admission but I do want to say that dating opportunities dont necessarily dwindle after you leave school. I've been in the field for over 15yrs and never had more than a half dozen men working in the office at any given time. Truth be told, they weren't people I would have dated anyway.

The key is to stay social. As much as work can consume all of your time and energy, it is so important to keep non-work related friends. Also, it is important to keep single friends! I remember at one point all of my closest friends were getting married or were in serious relationships. I eventually found other friends who were similarly single and we had a blast. I eventually met my husband through one of these single friends.

I agree that school is a great way to meet guys but it is not the only way. Dont be discouraged if you dont meet 'mister right' there. I dated a few guys in my undergrad and although they were great boyfriends, they weren't husband material and I'm glad I didn't marry them (I got a few proposals at the time). Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to find a life partner. It WILL happen! Stay positive and stay focused on your studies. You can always find a guy after graduation but it is much harder to undo a bad transcript.

Good luck!

[LittleDarlings]

I have to bump this because I have worried so much that going into a female dominated field will make meeting guys so hard, and I have a hard time going out alone. I am afraid I won't make friends to go out with then I won't be able to meet anyone, let alone someone to date! And to me It is important that I meet someone soon.  I don't want to graduate from grad school single... I have been single my whole live pretty much except for 2 very short relationships this year.  

Edited November 19, 2013 by Pinkster12

[Lola1233]

In my program everyone is pretty friendly and a lot of the full time younger students (especially out of staters) have plenty of get-togethers. Social workers are nice people I wouldn't worry about making friends.

 

As for romantic relationships, I'm sure you've heard that MSW programs are female dominated and I've found that to be true. I probably have 1-3 guys in my classes of 15-20. Half of them are gay. There are opportunities for meeting students from other programs, but you'll have to put yourself out there. College is a hot bed for meeting quality, likeminded people. Enjoy it, because it is definitely not like that in office life, especially if you're working in a traditional social work setting. 

[LittleDarlings]

Exactly once I graduate and start working I am going to be even less likely to meet men so I think now is the time to really try