freak out moments

[inactive_since_inf]

...the hardest part about the grad school application process is the jealousy that it breeds ...

But then, only fellow applicants can understand one's anxiousness and nervousness, don't you think so?

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

But then, only fellow applicants can understand one's anxiousness and nervousness, don't you think so?

Totally, which is one of the reason I'm so happy to have found this place. Friends A and B are the only two people I personally know who are applying for Medieval Studies along with me and so, as it's a small field, we've applied to some of the same schools and are in direct competition with each other. So far the only thing we've shared are rejections from the same schools.

I like hearing from Anthropology and Linguistics and Urban Planning and Astrophysicist students going through the process, but not as much Medieval or Irish Studies. Let's face it, if someone is applying to the same schools with the same program in mind, you can't help but feel competitive. I wish it could be an atmosphere of cheer and camraderie, but competing with friends is cruel and futile antagonism when a third party arbitrarily decides the winner.

[MDLee]

Totally, which is one of the reason I'm so happy to have found this place. Friends A and B are the only two people I personally know who are applying for Medieval Studies along with me and so, as it's a small field, we've applied to some of the same schools and are in direct competition with each other. So far the only thing we've shared are rejections from the same schools.

I like hearing from Anthropology and Linguistics and Urban Planning and Astrophysicist students going through the process, but not as much Medieval or Irish Studies. Let's face it, if someone is applying to the same schools with the same program in mind, you can't help but feel competitive. I wish it could be an atmosphere of cheer and camraderie, but competing with friends is cruel and futile antagonism when a third party arbitrarily decides the winner.

In this regard I am SO glad that I'm the only one in my department studying what I do...Its bad enough to have to deal with the stress of applying with a bunch of first year MA students who don't even have a grasp on grad school yet much less applying to PhD programs. I can't even IMAGINE the competition we'd have in here if we were all applying to the same handful of institutions.

Thank God for the GradCafe.

[riss287]

Speaking of which, MDLee, do you know we might expect to hear something from South Carolina?

[MDLee]

Speaking of which, MDLee, do you know we might expect to hear something from South Carolina?

Oh Riss...if I knew, you'd know. One of my recommendation providers got his PhD at U-SC and he said that they sometimes take a little longer to respond because they're a state school. I've got a feeling it's going to be this week...

Let me know when you know though, yah?

[riss287]

Oh Riss...if I knew, you'd know. One of my recommendation providers got his PhD at U-SC and he said that they sometimes take a little longer to respond because they're a state school. I've got a feeling it's going to be this week...

Let me know when you know though, yah?

Ha, most of the schools I'm waiting on have said (or someone has told me) that they take a little longer than the rest. Apparently I applied to all late-notifying schools. Bad idea for an impatient woman like myself! But yes, I will definitely let you know if I hear anything!

[kinokochan]

I threw up a little (literally) when I got an email from the admissions office saying all decisions would be mailed out by March 20th. They wrote saying there was a record number of applicants. They wrote saying the level of competition was high. And I read somewhere on this forum that the school may be cutting acceptances by half due to the economy...all in the same hour!

I have convinced myself (and friends and family) of the worst, and I'm already making plans for Plan B, but every day at work I get bursts of freaking out with stomach lurches and nausea, because I think the decision is in my mailbox at the very moment. The letter needs to come really soon or I'm probably going to develop an ulcer!

Why can't they just email us our results instead of snail mailing it? The physical manifestation of a rejection is so much harsher than an electronic one.

[Emilee]

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Reality just hit. I have just spent nearly $3000 of money I don't have for application fees and travel to schools that probably knew they were not going to accept me in the first place. I wasted 3+ years of my life trying to prepare the best application I could by doing things like retaking the GRE and getting extra research experience. All to chase a dream that will not likely happen. I wish I had been smart and went to nursing school or something like it , so I could be like the majority of my friends who are actually starting their lives and saving up to buy houses.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

OK, I'm done freaking out.

[MDLee]

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Reality just hit. I have just spent nearly $3000 of money I don't have for application fees and travel to schools that probably knew they were not going to accept me in the first place. I wasted 3+ years of my life trying to prepare the best application I could by doing things like retaking the GRE and getting extra research experience. All to chase a dream that will not likely happen. I wish I had been smart and went to nursing school or something like it , so I could be like the majority of my friends who are actually starting their lives and saving up to buy houses.

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

OK, I'm done freaking out.

ACHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

...that was an empathetic scream. I totally feel you on all of this.

[wilderbeast]

My big freak out was way at the beginning of the process. I knew I was going to do badly on the physics GRE, but I still thought I would be at the low end of okay; it didn't seem to go too badly. But then the day before I was scheduled to take the general GRE I relented under peer pressure (hadn't been planning to do this 'till after I did the general GRE) and called ETS to receive my physics GRE score on the phone... yeah, my score was at least 200 points lower than I'd expected, and let's just say they almost don't go lower. When I heard the first digit of my score I panicked and almost dropped my phone. I think I cried for about 4 hours after...

Then I basically made myself sick with anxiety over the general GRE, knowing that I needed a perfect QGRE score to counter my awful, so, so bad PGRE score. I couldn't eat for the whole day preceding the general GRE, couldn't sleep, and was so sick that I thought I would throw up during the test. Yeah, so I pretty much freaked out when I saw the word "quantitative" and my heart rate went up and.... I did badly. I KNOW it was from the anxiety, too (c'mon, high school math for physics major!) So badly. Then I freaked out even more when I got the score because I knew that the two bad scores combined were going to kill my applications (which are otherwise stellar). I wanted to retake it, but I was afraid I'd just panic again and have two identical, bad scores - so I didn't.

Basically I've been incredibly depressed since then, and whenever I freak out, it's still a mini-GRE freakout (all the stuff causing me misery started with the GRE and has continued, like some unending nightmare). The worst part is that having only received rejections so far, I'm reasonably certain I will be redoing them. The very thought makes me nauseous...

[frankdux]

My big freak out was way at the beginning of the process. I knew I was going to do badly on the physics GRE, but I still thought I would be at the low end of okay; it didn't seem to go too badly. But then the day before I was scheduled to take the general GRE I relented under peer pressure (hadn't been planning to do this 'till after I did the general GRE) and called ETS to receive my physics GRE score on the phone... yeah, my score was at least 200 points lower than I'd expected, and let's just say they almost don't go lower. When I heard the first digit of my score I panicked and almost dropped my phone. I think I cried for about 4 hours after...

Then I basically made myself sick with anxiety over the general GRE, knowing that I needed a perfect QGRE score to counter my awful, so, so bad PGRE score. I couldn't eat for the whole day preceding the general GRE, couldn't sleep, and was so sick that I thought I would throw up during the test. Yeah, so I pretty much freaked out when I saw the word "quantitative" and my heart rate went up and.... I did badly. I KNOW it was from the anxiety, too (c'mon, high school math for physics major!) So badly. Then I freaked out even more when I got the score because I knew that the two bad scores combined were going to kill my applications (which are otherwise stellar). I wanted to retake it, but I was afraid I'd just panic again and have two identical, bad scores - so I didn't.

Basically I've been incredibly depressed since then, and whenever I freak out, it's still a mini-GRE freakout (all the stuff causing me misery started with the GRE and has continued, like some unending nightmare). The worst part is that having only received rejections so far, I'm reasonably certain I will be redoing them. The very thought makes me nauseous...

if it makes you feel any better, i BOMBED the GRE math subject test. and i've yet to hear a response from any of my 11 schools.

[portraitinflesh]

I sat in my bathroom and cried for 2 hours on Saturday after getting my 3rd rejection letter, from UofChicago.

The awful reality of not getting into grad school just came crashing down on me, and I felt/feel hopeless.

Chicago was a school I felt confident I would get into, after visiting the program and speaking with faculty/sitting in during a class, and now I realize more than ever that my other schools and just wild stabs in the dark, that I will not get into.

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

I sat in my bathroom and cried for 2 hours on Saturday after getting my 3rd rejection letter, from UofChicago.

The awful reality of not getting into grad school just came crashing down on me, and I felt/feel hopeless.

Chicago was a school I felt confident I would get into, after visiting the program and speaking with faculty/sitting in during a class, and now I realize more than ever that my other schools and just wild stabs in the dark, that I will not get into.

I totally feel you. I wanted to do medieval studies in the Northeast US. That means big heavy schools around here. I'm already at Rutgers and know they don't do the specialties I'm interested in, so it's all Ivies and world-famous schools. I asked everybody everywhere whether I stood a chance and my professors and my family members with grad school experience all said, "Yes, you have the scores and the experience and the determination, go for it!" So I did.

Damn, are Ivy app fees expensive. Damn, are Ivy rejection letters snobby. Damn, I feel like I should have listened to my own nagging doubts and shot lower. I added in an application to my JYA alma mater because they have ridiculous stipends, but I'd really prefer not to live outside of the country for a few years. Then again, Damn, do I want to go to graduate school this September!