Graduate Student Behavior

[Pas]

Why are so many graduate students insufferable? I feel it is exacerbated in my case because I am in a terminal Master's program, rather than a Ph.D. program, but I do not know. Maybe it's just par for the course in academia.

Is it just the combination of being away from friends and family, stress from high expectations, limited funds, limited time, limited real world experience, etc.?

All of these seem to make most graduate students some of the most maladjusted people with whom I have ever interacted. By and large, they are just a different breed of people than I ever experienced in my years working in the real world. There is a higher prevalence of narcissism, arrogance, and selfishness than I ever encountered at my jobs. It's as though many of these people are still in middle school.

The reason I mention all of this is that I thought graduate school would be hard, but not for the reasons it actually is hard. The coursework is engaging and intuitive. The professors are insightful, fair, and fun to be around. Fifty percent of my peers, though, are petulant children.

If anything, I feel like the primary skill learned in graduate school is "how to think and produce quality work in spite of whomever is around you or in a group with you."

[Usmivka]

I've only got your post to judge your situation by, and there aren't really any details, just assertions. Based on how you are approaching this I'd hate to be in your program and being judged by you--I suspect I wouldn't meet your criteria for sufferance. Your peers may have different priorities than you: are they selfish because they don't give freely of their time, or are they engaging in effective time management? Are they arrogant, or confident based on prior life experiences that allow them to assert an idea from a perspective unlike your own? It's hard to say without details, and I'd argue the answer largely depends on your point of view. Rather than focus on others' negatives, I try to focus on what I like about my experience and minimize my interactions with the activities and people I find unpleasant. No use getting upset about something I can't control and behavior I can't modify. Besides, it's only a year or two more if you're in a master's, right?

Edited October 16, 2012 by Usmivka

[Pas]

I can understand why my post comes across as excessively judgmental. Let me clarify.

It's not a matter of how they choose to use their time or what kinds of contributions they make in class. That is truly their business. It's something else entirely.

It's a matter of reciprocal kindness and mutual respect outside of the classroom and in group settings. There is no reason to consistently engage in standoffish, aloof, or outright dismissive behavior. As I said, most do not do this, but those who do are just downright perplexing and unpleasant to be around. I just wonder if it's because of how they were raised or because they are trying to posture themselves to appear a certain way in graduate school. My university is in the South, so it could even be regional differences in behavioral expectations, since my group comes from all around.

At any rate, in i/o psychology parlance, it's "workplace incivility" and taking a toll on my mental well-being.

[mandarin.orange]

If the people you describe are not the majority, don't worry about them. And, don't take it personally...social awkwardness or preoccupation with one's work could come off as aloof, without any deliberate intent on their part. There's a few in my program -- a guy who always seems to have an embittered comment, officemate that says little else besides "hi" and "bye," and a couple who don't even look up from the monitor when I enter the computer lab. There's plenty of other great, friendly, intelligent, funny students, staff, and profs alike in my program...that's what I recommend focusing on!

[SymmetryOfImperfection]

A part of being a researcher is being a manager. You learn to be a manager when dealing with undergrad students and you learn the office politics of management when you deal with other grad students.

Yes I've noticed the same, unfortunately, its just how it is.

[ktel]

I've also noticed a number of different personality quirks in the graduate students in my department. I would say they are probably the minority, however. I also do notice different personalities are attracted to different types of research (i.e. mostly solitary work vs group work). You get a few more socially awkward people in the solitary work fields.

[TMP]

Consider the age difference and their experiences between undergrad and grad (if they took time off).

For most part, hold onto yourself and remain friendly and polite. You want your colleagues to remember you years from now as "that person was ALWAYS so nice!" Graduate school does require a lot of patience. And so does dealing with undergrads when you become a professor (if that is your path). If there are bloodbaths going on in your seminar, that's your professor's fault for not being an effective teacher by teaching civility in the classroom. My professors try to work hard at encouraging us to say positive things about our readings no matter how much they annoy us. The atmosphere can change drastically with positive, civil attitude among graduate students.

Set an example if you care that much.

[ladyling]

I'm not sure exactly who it was, but a fairly prominent author of science fiction was once asked how he felt about the fact that 97% of the genre was terrible. He responded something along the lines of 97% of every genre is terrible.

I think there's an analogy to be drawn here. If you've encountered less of these bad behaviors in your non-academic jobs, then you've been lucky. A good deal of being an adult is about learning not to let that kind of crap interfere with your life. Kill with kindness, and move on.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I'm not sure exactly who it was, but a fairly prominent author of science fiction was once asked how he felt about the fact that 97% of the genre was terrible. He responded something along the lines of 97% of every genre is terrible.

Haha I like that.

[guttata]

Also just to play devil's advocate here: if you stand up and say, "Everyone in this department is insufferable except me!", well.... I wonder where the problem might be...

[Usmivka]

Wow, still getting lurkers downvoting me here and elsewhere...I thought that was a pretty innocuous post. I'm glad the OPer got where I'm coming from! I'd encourage folks to write posts when they have different opinions...

Edited October 31, 2012 by Usmivka

[Pas]

Also just to play devil's advocate here: if you stand up and say, "Everyone in this department is insufferable except me!", well.... I wonder where the problem might be...

Like I said, it isn't everybody. Most are just fine. But I get what you're saying, and this is a good point to make.